How Much Time Do You Spend With Friends?

How much time do you spend with your friends and what do you do with them? I'm struggling to find the right balance between friendships and the rest of my life. I do not have kids but have a boyfriend I've lived with for six years.

Lately I am getting a lot of invitations for outings that eat up nearly an entire day. Monday I went to the lake with a friend. Earlier this week I went out for a 'quick' visit to a farmer's market, but it wound up being a four hour excursion (my friend drove). Tomorrow I am driving that same friend an hour away to visit with another mutual friend and expect it will be another 5 hour trip. Someone has invited me to go out for coffee Friday night. Two different people want me to come see their gardens and want to come see mine-- both live 30-40 minutes away. Another friend wants to stop by for dinner as she passes through town. A friend I don't really want to see also suggested we get together. That's just this week!

Does this seem like a lot? It feels like a lot to me because I am an introvert -- and also work from home and need to be spending more time working and less time doing nothing with people I'm not even that fond of.

Well I have young kids, a full time job and do a lot of volunteering and working out, so my social life is pretty non-existent at the moment.

You can say no to outings, especially during the week. Just ensure that you aren't saying no too often because as you get older it gets harder to make and keep friends.

Enjoy it because once you are older and fully ensconced in that whole family thing (if you choose to have kids) those invites will dry up. WHen people start having families priorities change and social lives peter out. Have as much fun as you can while you have the time.

I'm an introvert. Social activity is not that important to me, not as important as it is to my friends, none of whom are as introverted as I am. I'm not shy, but some of my extroverted friends are. Life is hell for a shy extrovert. I get invited to social outings because I'll be the one to break the ice, keep conversations going and create a comfort zone. It usually turns out okay. But it would be just as okay to be home reading a book.

Social activity enlivens my more extroverted pals and it exhausts me. One outing a week, max, is about my limit. The fact is, I could go without any outings and be just fine within myself, but I really do believe social connections are important for both mental and physical well-being so I sometimes go out with pals when I'm not feeling keen on the activity if the pal really wants to go and not go alone. There's usually some sort of reciprocity over time. For me, that's an important component in friendship - reciprocity, give and take, making the friendship a two way street.

Ha, maybe if I have kids, it will get these people off my back I wonder if what I am going through is just a process of getting older, even if I don't have kids --- sitting around gabbing over coffee is not interesting to me anymore. There's other stuff to do! A lot of it!

Snakecharmer, social activity drains me as well. I need recovery time and huge doses of alone time. I also make myself go out when I don't really want to because I know that relationships are important, but sometimes I wonder if that is the right approach.

I really need to figure out how to say no nicely and to stop saying that I have a flexible schedule.

I spend as much time as I can or want with friends. Lol. What a silly answer from me, but it's the best I can do.

If they invite me out and I want to go? I go. If I don't have time because I have other obligations, then I decline and explain why. If there's something I want to do and think that they will enjoy, I'll invite them. If I just want to stay home I say so!

It's sort of a day by day thing with me. Sometimes I want to be super social (such as lately.... I have a lot of stress at work and am throwing myself in to social things) and other times I'm happy enough just chilling at home.

Red Panda, that was a very good answer! I want to be like that! I want to be one of those people who can just say yes or no based on what I actually want instead of worrying about how the other person will take it.

I currently do not have any friends. I've never really had friends. It used to bother me a lot, but I have my girlfriend now, and it is fine with me to spend all my time on her. I'm introverted and have a really hard time making friends. My girlfriend not so much.

That is crazy how busy you are with your friends. I don't like to be too busy like that. I like doing things on the weekend, though.

I don't ever want kids either.

I'm not sure by what frame of reference you want an answer. Is it a lot?

It's a pretty subjective question so many things to consider if you want to make a judgement on this. If you're basing it on what others do, it depends on the person. If you as another introvert they may have one answer, and an extroverted person may say something entirely different.

By what are you going to base this on, whether you're spending too much time with other people? Whether you're away from your bf too much?

You see your friends as much as you're comfortable with and as much as you find it enjoyable, I dont' know by what other scale you can base whether this is too much or not. There is no right or wrong answer to this at all.

I'm interested in subjective answers and hearing about how other people interact with their friends. I know that the answer will differ from person to person.

I was just talking to two friends today who told me that they don't mind having house guests invite themselves over for a visit. To me, that sounds very rude, but to them, it is just something people do. They both seemed a bit shocked when I said that I would rather meet my in-laws in a different city than have them visit my home town, even if they stayed at a hotel. It's just interesting to learn what other people think about things.

I've never been out that much because I rarely get invited out. But I guess how much is too much is dependent on the individual. I tend to get exhausted pretty easily and need a few days recovery after travelling or a day/night out. If I don't get that rest time in between activities, I sink into depression or become really agitated. I would love if it weren't so, but because I know myself, I either try not to do more than 2 consecutive days of activity at a time or if I have to travel away from home for longer than that, I just prepare to crash and burn when it's over.

Lately I have found myself withdrawing from friends. I will make up excuses to not have to hang out with them. I know I run the risk of them one day giving up but I just find it so exhausting right now to commit to plans.

What friends??

Yes, I find that I need recovery time. After this week, I think I need two weeks of alone time I also worry during those recovery times that I will push away my friends, but it actually seems to work out.

I apologized to one friend yesterday for deciding not to meet today. He told me not to worry, that the coffee shop would still be there two weeks from now. It was such a nice confirmation that it's okay to say no (which I struggle with terribly).