[AngstyLady]

Okay, so I feel like this post as been a long time coming.
I keep meaning to write about this but when I'm online here it always seems to slip my mind.
Anyway . . .
So I've been noticing in recent years thsat it's hard for my to really maintain long term relationships- friendships and otherwise.
I used to think it was because of long distances, people and family members moving away, etc.
But I've come to realize it's more than that.
It's way easier for me to meet people and chat them up and than after a while, once I know everything there is to know about them and they know me I feel like theres nowhere to go from there. Almost like I get bored, but not really.
I've been described as boring at times- I rarely get bored- I can do things for hours on end, full concentration- especially if it's something I like- I've often been praised on my patience and listening skills.
But perhaps from my past, being a recluse, it's hard to get back into things.
Once one gets cut off, or closes themselves off from society it's hard to fit back in?
These are just my thoughts.
I've talked to therapists in the past how I thought I have avoidant personality disorder (which I've self diagnosed myself with having) coupled with schizoid personality disorder- they didn't think so. Before you google that, it's basically when it's easier for a person to have many short term relationships rather than long term. I hope this isn't true about me.

[winter4me]

There are many diagnoses that include an inability to sustain relationships.
The question is really: How do you feel about this? Are you OK where you are? Do you want it to be different? Does it impact your life in negative/destructive ways? Not?
When someone is Avoidant, they often feel uncomfortable/uncertain in themselves in relation to others, and want to 'avoid' getting hurt etal.

[hvert]

I've read that the average friendship lasts seven years. I think it's normal for us to have friends for a while and then drift away from them and form new friendships. A lot of friendships are proximity friendships, people we met from school or work or some shared activity. After a while, when we no longer have that shared activity, those friendships often peter out.

Yes, I find that it is also hard to 'reenter' after being cut off for a while. I have to take baby steps for a while, but it does get easier.

Also, you may be forming friendships with the wrong people, if that makes sense. I had the same worries that you had, that there was something wrong with me for feeling like I wanted to dump my friends and find new ones every few years. I finally realized that the problem *was* me, but not what I thought it was. I was bad at choosing friends! I consistently formed friendships with people who just wanted me to listen to them all day. After a while, yeah, that gets boring!

I noticed that you mention that you have good listening skills, so I wonder if that is coming into play for you as well?

[AngstyLady]

Originally Posted by winter4me

There are many diagnoses that include an inability to sustain relationships.
The question is really: How do you feel about this? Are you OK where you are? Do you want it to be different? Does it impact your life in negative/destructive ways? Not?
When someone is Avoidant, they often feel uncomfortable/uncertain in themselves in relation to others, and want to 'avoid' getting hurt etal.

Yes, I do wish things were different- but perhaps I just need to find the right friendships- with others like me, who understand me- I've made bad friendships in the past with users and the like, so now I have this plight as I restart my life.

[420Librarian]

Originally Posted by AngstyLady

Yes, I do wish things were different- but perhaps I just need to find the right friendships- with others like me, who understand me- I've made bad friendships in the past with users and the like, so now I have this plight as I restart my life.

I, too, have a hard time sustaining long term relationships. All my relationships with men and friends are very intense and very brief. This is the crux of why I want to change. I want to have a long term relationship whether intimate or friend and not be constantly alone.