[Shadix]

I am 26 and because of being socially awkward I never really got the chance to mingle with girls I was attracted to. I spent my college years admiring them from afar while just hanging with my guy friends. Because of my depression I didn't do well enough to get into my field of choice(which I never gave much thought anyways) and now I still have no idea what career I want to pursue and I'm working at a job where they hire people out of high school. Basically because of where I am in life, no girl would be interested in me. But even if decided on a career and worked towards it, by the time I get into a position where I will not considered a loser, I will probably be into my 30s, which according to most people is past the age where you are no longer appealing to most women in their 20s, which makes up a huge chunk of the girls I find myself attracted to. I feel like I need to get a chance to mingle and play the field and I think it's unfair that I will be shamed for being into certain women because of my age. I can't help who I am attracted to and it's not like I'm really past that life stage anyways, so why? How is it fair? Why can't I be allowed to enjoy my life without being judged? It is probably because of getting picked on and treated like trash in school that I missed out on all those experiences, now I am going to continue getting treated like that because I dare to seek what I missed out on?

Is anyone able to tell me anything that would encourage me and make me feel like it's not too late? I am wanting someone to give me evidence of this, like from their experiences or someone else. And just fyi I'm not looking for a committed relationship at this point, I am looking to play the field; have dating experiences, explore what I like/dislike in a partner, have fun, no serious commitment. Basically like everyone already got to do.

I'm 26 and dating a guy who's 31. I can't imagine dating someone much younger either…I mean, sure, I've been attracted to younger guys before but dating wouldn't work unless the guy is pretty mature (read most likely in his 30's). Neither one of us has much relationship experience either.

I would assume there would be plenty of women interested in casual dating (especially in their earlier 20's). I wasn't personally, but that's just me. Besides, I wouldn't think your job etc. would matter in a casual relationship unless they were expecting you to pay for everything (but do you really want to be with someone who takes advantage of you like that?) but I could be wrong. I never did the casual dating either by the way so I don't think it's that uncommon to start later in life.

[Shadix]

I.Am.The.End, but have you been atracted to men over 30 the same way you have been attracted to younger guys? Yeah I know that women date men over 30, but dating often has nothing to do with attraction, often it is for the sake of companionship or marriage. I am not looking for these things and I am specifically looking for women to feel attracted to me. My interest in women right now is almost entirely based on attraction. I havent had dating experiences so I dont know what I want out of a relationship. If a woman is not attracted to me she will not want to have anything to do with me because I have nothing to offer in the way of meaningful relationships and will not until I get the chance to play the field. That is why I am stuck.

[hvert]

I think you are going to find very few women of any age who are interested in dating a man who rules out the possibility of companionship or a relationship. It's the reason most people date. It may take a lot of casual dating to meet someone you want to spend more time with, but very few people enjoy casual dating for the sake of casual dating-- unless this is about hook ups?

[Shadix]

Well it depends how we are defining things really. But really the best way I can put it is that I am looking for the type of dating that most people do when they are in college and high school. I guess its not correct to say I want companionship, but I am not interested in relationships which are based on the person just wanting to "be with someone". If by hookup you mean casual sex then thats not what im looking for, but I am pretty much lookong for a relationship which is based on feeling attracted and infatuated with the person, not wanting someone to have children with or grow old with.

[eener28]

Oh my gosh. You are 26. You have time! Figure out what YOU want, career, life, etc. and the rest will work out. Find a career you are passionate about. There are career counselors everywhere. Once you find what you want to do and begin working your way there a HUGE weight will be lifted. Everything will make more sense. You could even meet that person you are looking for in class!

Plenty of women like assertive men. Plenty.

Since men tend to not wear badges identifying themselves as such, women have to go by appearances. Older men are more mature and are comfortable with who they are. Younger men are not.

So women (no matter what their age) looking for assertive men will likely be looking at someone older than them.

I don't know what you are like, but you will get plenty of women sniffing around you if you act confident enough to not want them sniffing around you.

Just a tip...

[Shadix]

I looked into career counseling a couple weeks ago and they basically charge a thousand dollars for it. Just like the dating issue, the problem here is that people are expected to find out what they want to do and settle on it when they are college aged. So society doesn't really have accommodations for someone who is 25+ and still trying to find out what he wants to do.

Also, another reason I am not sure about the whole career counseling thing is that it seems it is about finding a career that matches who you are and what you want to do. I have no idea who I am or what I want to do. My passions seem to change at the blink of an eye depending on what is presented in front of me. I feel like this is more of a psychological issue that a career counselor wouldn't really be able to help with. And of course my therapist basically seems to have ripped me off. I have been with her for almost 2 years and no progress. Now she got this teaching gig and she barely has appointments available so I am basically forced to wait as long as 2 months for one. If she had let me know this is how it is going to be a few months back I would have found a new provider. But instead she gave me the impression that we would still meet on a regular basis.

[Rose76]

I don't know where you are getting your data from, but it's not accurate. Girls in their 20s pair off with guys out of their 20s all the time. When I was 25, my boyfriend was 46, and I adored him. It lasted 4 years and then I moved on because he wouldn't commit. Then, when I was 31, I fell real hard for a guy who was 49. I'm still with him. MY niece recently married a guy who was 32, and she is only 26.

Another truth: Not having a great job is no huge barrier to a man having a girlfriend. Guys serving time in prison manage to find girls on the outside to take an interest in them.

It's a good idea to not have your heart set on the next girl you date being who you'll end up marrying. However, you don't want to approach women with the attitude that "I'm just playing the field, and just want to try you out for a while." No young woman hardly ever spends time with any man without having some hope that he is potentially "the one." The people younger than you, who you thought were just exploring and playing around, probably took those early relationships a lot more seriously than you realize. Among the experiences they had was having their hearts broke a time or two.

The more you are willing to risk rejection, the more experiences you will rack up in the dating game. The only way to get good at anything is to be willing to start doing it before you are good at it. Some failure is guaranteed, but it doesn't kill you.

[JoeS21]

Originally Posted by Shadix

I am 26 and because of being socially awkward I never really got the chance to mingle with girls I was attracted to. I spent my college years admiring them from afar while just hanging with my guy friends. Because of my depression I didn't do well enough to get into my field of choice(which I never gave much thought anyways) and now I still have no idea what career I want to pursue and I'm working at a job where they hire people out of high school. Basically because of where I am in life, no girl would be interested in me. But even if decided on a career and worked towards it, by the time I get into a position where I will not considered a loser, I will probably be into my 30s, which according to most people is past the age where you are no longer appealing to most women in their 20s, which makes up a huge chunk of the girls I find myself attracted to. I feel like I need to get a chance to mingle and play the field and I think it's unfair that I will be shamed for being into certain women because of my age. I can't help who I am attracted to and it's not like I'm really past that life stage anyways, so why? How is it fair? Why can't I be allowed to enjoy my life without being judged? It is probably because of getting picked on and treated like trash in school that I missed out on all those experiences, now I am going to continue getting treated like that because I dare to seek what I missed out on?

Is anyone able to tell me anything that would encourage me and make me feel like it's not too late? I am wanting someone to give me evidence of this, like from their experiences or someone else. And just fyi I'm not looking for a committed relationship at this point, I am looking to play the field; have dating experiences, explore what I like/dislike in a partner, have fun, no serious commitment. Basically like everyone already got to do.

Actually, I think that some of the most solid relationships are ones where a couple met before either partner had a decent career going. Part of the bond for some couples is going through that stage together and supporting one another.

Other than that, stay in shape, take care of yourself (physically and mentally), stay positive, and work on making good conversation. If you do all that, I don't think you'll have much trouble. Remember that no one's perfect, and there's no need to be either.