[InTheProcess]

Without explaining the whole things....
I am in a relationship, 3 years in December. There are a few things i am not happy with (here's a part of a previous convo) just replace 'you' with 'him'.
1. I can't take the fact that i can't get you to go to the pumpkin thing. Amd you just blow me off 'let me know' but you never will. (I tried planning to go to the Great pumpkin Blaze, near where i live. He said hed let me know what day is good for him- i knew he wouldn't and the show ends in acouole weeks)
2. I can't take when we are talking about something like this you just shut down. In general when its something you don't like you act like its not happening.
3.i can't take how it seems like you dont care. Always talking about you, never care or inquire about my ****.
4. I can't take how apparently i am expecting more from the person i am with.
5.i can't take how life is just work and home. Cant even do **** together. I can't take how lifeless my life is.

Do i drop this relationship? Or ask him for a break and for him to really look into this relationship. Hopefully hell see how serious i am and try to help out.

OR do i deal with it and deal with this bitterness because i may never find another relationship or even one worse. I am scared to leave because of that. I think he does love me but i expect more from the little things.
Lol this is a great way to enjoy my birthday right. I am more depressed than usual because it's my birthday. They just arent has fun as they used to be.

[kaliope]

from what you have written it does not sound like you are happy in this relationship or that you are getting any benefits out of it. perhaps you would see more clearly if you put a pro/con list together and then you could judge if the benefits are worth the negative things you have to put up with. a lot of people stay in bad relationships for fear of not being able to find something better. but isn't being happy and enjoying life alone better than being miserable with someone else? you are perfectly capable of meeting all your own needs. sometimes it is good to spend time alone to learn how to meet all your own needs because this creates healthier relationships when you do get in one. there are plenty of healthier people out there and when you are in a good place yourself you will attract a healthier person into your life. you will feel worthy of a healthier person. you will expect more and feel deserving of more. you will not settle for less which is what you are considering now.

[InTheProcess]

Originally Posted by kaliope

from what you have written it does not sound like you are happy in this relationship or that you are getting any benefits out of it. perhaps you would see more clearly if you put a pro/con list together and then you could judge if the benefits are worth the negative things you have to put up with. a lot of people stay in bad relationships for fear of not being able to find something better. but isn't being happy and enjoying life alone better than being miserable with someone else? you are perfectly capable of meeting all your own needs. sometimes it is good to spend time alone to learn how to meet all your own needs because this creates healthier relationships when you do get in one. there are plenty of healthier people out there and when you are in a good place yourself you will attract a healthier person into your life. you will feel worthy of a healthier person. you will expect more and feel deserving of more. you will not settle for less which is what you are considering now.

Thank you. A pro and con list is a good idea. I knoe the relationship could be much much worse and maybe if we lived together or even just closer wed have more time together, therefore maybe able to do something special or go somewhere.
Idk its so tough. I know i am not the prettiest girl, nor am i standard to what most guys look for. Idk i am just rambling. Anyways thanks for the idea.

[hvert]

Geez, I can really identify with some of those points.

I do think that men express things differently. My boyfriend also does 1 and 2 -- #2 especially is something I think *a lot* of guys do.

One thing that might help you be happier in your relationship is to start doing stuff on your own. Instead of trying to nail him down for a date to go to the Pumpkin thing, tell him that you are going on Friday at 6 PM and would love if he could join you. Or just invite someone else to it.

My boyfriend is just not interested in some of the stuff I like to do. I've finally realized, after six or seven years, that I am better off not asking him to go in the first place. If I suspect he is going to be ambivalent about going to, say, a play - I just make those plans without him.

So maybe if you could figure out which stuff you both like doing together and doing those things with him and doing the rest with others, it would help a bit? If you start developing your own life, without waiting for him, I think you will be happier. You may wind up deciding that you would rather be with someone who shares more of your interests - you may decide that you can meet your other social needs with friends and still have a romantic relationship with him.

[InTheProcess]

Yes. You did make a valid point. But lets say i changed the plans and was going to go woth my friend, be wouldn't want me to because its late. Pretty much its seems it's either with him or nothing.
Also apparently this was something he wanted to do as well.
Yeah so idk. Thanks for the advice.