[jennjenn14]

my dh drinks and when he drinks he has alot, not just the few beers it has to be 6 or more. i dont like his personality when he drinks, you cant reason with him.

he doesnt do it all the time, but usually on weekends if we go to a friend house he will drink alot, there are times when he goes to the bar after work and has drinks with friends.

he knows it bothers me but he still does it.

he has this friend who is a real loser and when he comes back around it seems like he drinks more.

his friend is helping him out right now with his job and he doesnt have a car and lives about 25 miles from us, he had to stay the night last night due to work and my dh not being able to go out of the way to pick him up the next morning. any way i tried my best to be civil towards him last night, my dh and him stayed outside drinking till around 1030 ( to stay out of my way he says) now i dont understand why for 5 hrs on a work night you have to consume 6 to 7 beers and 1 hard liqiuor.

was i wrong in getting angry for him drinking?

[Raynaadi]

I don't think you're wrong. Not at all. I was a big drinker 2 years ago, and my boyfriend got fed up and left. Loosing him led me to get sober, and now he's back with me. I know all about the wreckage that drinking causes, having been the "causer". There's a group called ALANON for families and friends of people who drink a lot. Unfortunatly, a lot of comments and accusations tend to make the drinker drink more. There's a fine line between helping and hindering. Alanon might help you talk to him in a way that he'll be more receptive to. Look up the meetings online in your area, and if you go, speak up, as for help, you'll get some great advice. They won't sit there and tell you to leave him, they'll help you better understand his problem and how to talk to him about, how to love him through it. My boyfriend tends to go out and drink sometimes, especially when one friend is involved. He refuses to drink around me and is very respective of my recovery, but it's somewhat of an issue. But I love him, so I ask myself this, can I cange it? No....can I accept it? Yes, for now. But if it gets to a point where I can no longer accept it, I'm gonna have to leave.

You are not alone in this. =) Check out Alanon, and maybe going iVillage.com and see if they have a place where women talk about their men who drink. Get support. Remember that people who have loved ones who drink too much get sick themselves, so it's ok to ask for help to recover from the pain and hurt you're feeling. Feel free to PM me anytime, I'll do what I can to help!!!

Oh, if you decide to check out the Alanon meetings, do it for yourself. Don't tell him "I have to go to these meetings now because of your drinking." Gently explain where you have been going and why, but keep it on your side of the street, saying you're doing it for you. He's more likely to respond to it if he sees that you're trying to help yourself deal with him, and it might make him look at his drinking. In any conversation, it's much less accusatory if you keep it all about you. "When you drink so much, I feel....." or "I'm going to these meetings to help me feel better" That sort of thing. Help yourself first and hopefully he'll follow.

Wow, I needed to hear this stuff for myself. I've been putting off going to Alanon but I keep trying to help other women with their husband/boyfriends by suggesting it. So.....I'll go if you go! Hahaha. Hang in there hon, things can get better, if we work for it. Keep reaching out for help. You've taken the first step towards being ok with this situation.

~Rayna

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

No.... I do not think you were wrong in being upset and getting angry over your husbands drinking, for while it may seem like it is not a big deal right now it probably will turn into more drinking and on a regular basis IF it is not stopped, and NOW!

Seek what HELP and SUPPORT that YOU need now, and do not let your husbands anger control you into being fearful of trying to get help for him and for you.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -