Making your T out to be something there not.

Along with a rough weekend, of blandness feeling, I've been questioning my T as whether or not I'm making her out to be more then she is. I've only been seeing this T for around 7-8 visits short time right? Thats what scares me, this is my 4th T, most I never felt the way I do about this one,..but it seems as tho when not in session I in vision her to be something,..I dream of, during session I try to pretend still she is. I do have a strong attraction to her, perhaps thats why?

I feel abosutely sick of my human character at this point, not only do I question my happiness but also the things that make me happy,..like my T. During session she lessons very well, i've cried 2-3 times in just 7 visits, when I'm quite she asks..."whatcha thinkin"...I want to tell her,...what I'm telling you...while out of session I invision her offering me a drink, relaxing with me, and beginning the session, offering me advice throughout, but also seeing my prosepctive and why it is..my prospective,..then finally during the end of session shaking my hand,..or just a pat on the shoulder and open the door for me and go out,...

My first 3 T's...well I didnt invision anything for them, in fact I hated them,...or disliked...I did respect them, but felt dred when an appointment came around...this isn't my first female T....my 2nd actually, well,...as I said she is attractive,..but....she is also...somehow vision or no vision like the mother I dreamed of,...maybe I dream to much,..maybe I'm crazy,..or maybe I'm a bad person...in the end...my thoughts take me over,..all the timme

Dustin

Well I see no one has much to say about my situation...maybe its drasticly hard to reply to...sry all..im drowning in my own sorrow now....goodbye for .....

for now

Moonkin, it's dinner time......not much time has passed since you first posted....

i'm just touching base with you and i know that someone with more experience will talk to you......good luck, xoxoxo pat

IMO i think ur scared cause ur actually connecting with someone IRL and feel that she understands u.... ur not used to that... let her in... she wants to help... i know its hard for u but if u want to get better and i know u do.. and u like and seem to be connecting with ur t well.. dont worry about wether shes what u think she is.. just let her help u and im sure ull start feeling better very soon...

Dustin,

I think it's great news that you've found T who genuinely listens to you & understands your point of view. It's such a blessing to have someone like that on your side as you're trying to get better. After having bad experiences with your previous T's, I bet it's difficult for you to open up & trust her -- but it sounds like you're doing great so far! Don't be scared... keep trying, and let her help you.

Dunno how everybody else feels about this, but I think it's only natural to feel super-close to your T when she/he is really good. I've got a special bond with my T, and I feel like she understands me better than probably anyone else. I've never actually experienced the sexual attraction side of it, but I can certainly see how that could happen. If it continues to bother you, do you think you could just bring it up with her straightforwardly? Chances are, this has come up for her before, especially if she is attractive. I know it would be kinda awkward to talk about, but she is a professional & probably knows how to deal with these kinds of issues. Use your own judgement, of course, but I was just thinkin it'd be better to get it out in the open & deal with it so that it doesn't become a big roadblock to your therapy.

You're not crazy or a bad person for having these feelings, I promise. You deserve happiness & to feel better!

((Moonkin))

It still sounds to me like you have a good relationship this time around!!! So enjoy.

Your imaginary interactions with T are normal. I do it all the time! LOL

I think it means your relationship is deepening and that is a good thing. You are not bad. You are quite normal. Keep on going to T, you two are working well together. It sounds like she cares.

I say don't fight those feelings about your current T, just let them happen and enjoy them. I felt SO close to one therapist, and I've no idea how we would have got on IRL, I had suspicions like you. But the fact of the matter was she made me feel warm and cosy and I could make up stories in my head about her looking after me, like you do. I've also heard that it's perfectly normal to feel attracted to someone you feel close to.

Hey Moon. It's very common to idealize your T-- I feel the same way with mine. I go through periods of both idealizing and hating him.... Extremes... I think what you might be struggling with (at a much, much earlier time than I did in my therapy) is the realization that while T often seems like an ideal, she is also a real person. A real person who cares. I am just beginning to sort through this stuff in my therapy. Hang in there, Dustin. You are doing the work. It's hard, it hurts, sometimes it sucks baaaad. I know.

Wow..thank you beautiful people for the support...each of you are a blessing...I don't know what to say...wish me luck today with my appointment!

good luck ull do fine...

Moon, all the feelings you are dealing with in your therapy are intense and profoundly scary. I am a lot older than you and I find them absolutely overwhelming at times. First wonderful beyond words and then terrible beyond words. I seriously figured I was going nuts untill I did some reading and also found this website and realized that the reason therapy was so damn grueling for me was because it was working! That is all my issues were being played out within the context of my relationship with T. I have since come to believe that therapy is the therapeutic relationship and wow, what a relationship! I do not think all patients get really really close to their T's but some do. It means the match between T and patient is good and it is working the way it ideally should. The best thing to do is to keep talking to your T ... as openly and honestly as you can bear.
Best of luck!