Loving Someone With ASPD?

We met on another forum, literally the day after I was going through a pretty vicious break up.
He noticed on a status I said I was having a 'rough time' and though we hadn't talked much before he was nice enough to message me asking if I was OK.
That one message turned into weeks, to months of talking and he easily got me through my break up.
We were getting really close, learning lots about each other.
And one really vicious fight where I had been drinking (not a ton, I'm really not sure what happened) but ended up blacking out and saying a ton of really cruel things to him for nearly no reason, before becoming completely delusional by the morning to the point of being hospitalized.
I begged for his forgiveness, and after a week or so he finally warmed up to me again.
He tells me his biggest secrets and claims that he loves me but. . .

It kills me that he can detach so easily.
I go a day without hearing from him and I'm in shambles and confused.
I typically fall hard, and fast, and once a person has my heart they have it not only until they break it, but until I have someone else to give it to.
Recently he's been even more distant than usual it seems, I could be being paranoid, but a friend of mine who knows him as well thinks its because I'm going to be moving soon, and I'm going to be moving rather close to him.
He's vocalized he's not ready to meet me yet. Due to a wide spectrum of issues, issues I can understand, but I would do anything for him.
And he knows that.
I would never rush him into meeting me or a relationship or anything, this move is something I'm doing for me to better my life.

I'm just so lost because it hurts when he disappears, and the behavior is so similar to how my ex was acting right before we broke things off. But he comes back and acts like everything is fine again, when its so not to me.
And I don't know what the issue is, or how to ease his fears.
Is it the ASPD?
Is it the fact that I'm moving soon and he's scared I'll want to meet too soon?
Or is it something else entirely that I don't even know about?
I fear most that its someone else. . . especially because since we're not 'official' he has every right to be with someone else if he pleases.
Its not exactly something that's in is character, but its still a fear.
Sometimes it doesn't even seem like he has ASPD to me. . . I thought that meant a general detachment/lack of connection with people. But he's like a light switch, sometimes I'm his stars and moon and other times I don't even exists.
Can anyone shed light here?

Hi LornaMorello,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I don't know much about ASPD and if it's a possible reason for his behaviour towards you. However, if he says he's not ready to meet yet, it could be an indication that he's uncertain about what kind of relationship he wants to have with you. I say, give him space. I know it's difficult for you to do, especially when you already feel so strongly about him, but it's for your own good too. You don't want to end up pushing him too much and then it turns into more heartache for you.

you may want to slow down and take a breath.

for one you have never even met this guy in person, you are only able to go on what you have "seen" from the internet. people can pretend to be whatever they want to be behind a keyboard and computer screen. it seems you are lonely and vulnerable right now, take a breath and think things through

real life is totally different from what people "present" on the internet.
it sounds like you haven't given yourself time to heal from your real life break up. the internet is full of fake people,scams and con artist..he could be telling you what you want to hear because he knows your situation.

you say he tells you his biggest secrets..but what if they were made up to manipulate you???you have no way to verify any of this, how can he possibly love you and you guys have never met? never kissed? never made love? never had any physical interaction of any kind..gone out to dinner,gone to movies amusement parks,museums anything.. you guys have no REAL MEMORIES..only what you know or think you know of this man from the "net.

if you fall hard and fast, you have to protect yourself..this is a hard lesson i learned in life..i fall hard and fast too..but i have been with and done things with these people in real life...you may be falling for the fantasy of what you think you are going to get, people put old and fake pictures of themselves on the 'net all the time..pics from 10 yrs ago and so forth..all kinds of crazy crap.

people pretend to be something they are not to reel you in...think about it,

1. the strange behavior...a GUY..saying he doesn't want to meet yet???c'mon now.

2."he" can detach so easily...you may be a game/plaything to pass the time to "him"(boredom)

3."he" claims he loves you..but you guys have never met? huh?

have you ever seen this guy at least on webcam? how do you know this "person" is even real?

and all this began as you were going through a vicious break up..you needed someone to get over the pain of things not working out with your ex....

immediately after a break up IS NOT the time to get involved in a new relationship...believe me i have tried it 5 times AND IT STILL NEVER WORKED!

you have got to give yourself time to get over your ex and find out what it is you really want.

my advice is to take time for you, slow down and meet a REAL person you can see and date in person, that wants to spend time with you so you can get to know each other and see what you are REALLY getting.

I agree with T2S...I was gonna say 'catfishing'...but then I was more concerned about his being ASPD....has he been dx? Did he tell you he was?

People with ASPD are not just 'distant'...there is a forum here regarding them, so you might want to check it out. And I'm also concerned that you fall so hard and that, according to you, they have your heart until they break it or/and you find someone else. That's a huge red flag, darlin....don't get me wrong, I've done that too....was a lot younger than I am now, but it seemed the best way to get over a break up...the old, 'if you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with' but it is a very unhealthy and painful way to stop one relationship, and almost ALWAYS you'll find yourself in another relationship as bad or worse than the one you left. Because you're not emotionally stable enough to HAVE another relationship.

First, if you haven't seen him (skype, or other video forum) then I suggest you do. Nothing like seeing the man you believe in your heart you love, moving and talking. Sometimes it changes everything. Sometimes it solidifies everything. In any case, don't trust a picture. That's static and as T2S pointed out...pic's can lie.

Second...if you haven't seen a counsellor, I strongly suggest you do. Not to talk you out of this relationship, but to help you figure out exactly what you're DOING in this relationship.......and to get a better, more objective opinion of where YOU are in this. I'm worried for you....

Please take care!