[live well]

she was a young teacher of 28. I am a married lady with two grown up kids and 48. She started stalking me continuously.
but she never communicated for 5 months. One day during a class outing we got a chance to talk alone. we exchanged our family details. On the way out she grabbed me and tried to kiss me. Then the next 2 days she avoided me. I thought she is gone because of my age and got a hair cut and stared to think that our age difference has driven her from me. That's ok for me I thought.Although I thought why didnt she communicate with me before. Then again she came back smiling but still no talking.I was getting impatient and restless and guilty on one side. So I went to talk to her and asked her to honestly explain what is that she wants from me and also hinted her that we are incompatible as the 2 days of rejection haunted me a lot and expecetd she would reject me anytime and so did not want to get hurt. That encounter shocked her a bit and she never came back to me but used to glance me far.
There was hurt in her eyes too and she was very stern.
But I had my family on one side and her unpredictable love on other. I was torn between both but still missed her glances. Then one day I got to to talk to her again in a calmer way and asked why she didnt come back to me and asked her if she understood what I meant the other day. She said it was like a mother -daughter relationship. we parted ways happily wishing happy summer holidays. On the last day of school I went to meet another teacher and she was in her room and glanced me with a forlorn face. I had no idea what she conveyed except sadness. I left the room.
When I was going home i went to wish my VPrincipal happy holidays , she was quite stern with me and said that she wanted to talk to me about my unprofessional behaviour complained by this teacher who stalked me.
I was at the receiving point and was made a scapegoat.
So to protect my innocence and why I talked to her personally, I had to expose the whole affair to my heads of school. An enquiry happened and her fate will be decided after holidays. I feel guilty for exposing her and damaging her reputation and career. Am i in the wrong or right? The Principal said that both of you will come back next term. He told me not to tell this whole thing to any one in future to any body.
I am totally confused and feel guilty. Did she do the right thing by complaining against me at the last minute on the last day of school even though this encounter happened 2 weeks before?

Pls reply to me soon.
Thanks

[gma45]

Why do you think she was stalking you? Sounds like she just wanted a mentor not any love relationship. I hope no ones reputation or career is ruined.

[SnakeCharmer]

In my opinion, as a professional who has had to hire and fire staff, as well as intervening in feuds, inappropriate sex/romance and just plain unprofessional conduct ... you were both wrong. She started it. You wouldn't let it go. You added fuel to the fire. Egads, it's fairly clear that someone who stalks you for five months, tries to grab and kiss you, then gives you the cold shoulder is someone to be avoided. Doesn't matter if the stalker is male or female, younger or older. It's a situation fraught with danger.

So, I have to ask ... is that what you were looking for?

Something is going on with you ... maybe you're lonely, maybe it's a mid-life crisis, maybe you're having confusing sexual/romantic stirrings that you don't know how to deal with. It would be good to do some serious soul-searching to make sure you don't impulsively make a career and/or marriage ending blunder due to your unresolved needs and wants.

I strongly suggest you look for a therapist specializing in women's issues. You're at an age where many women look back on their marriages and lives and feel much regret that can lead them to make impulsively self-destructive choices. It's okay to want change and excitement. Maybe a therapist can help you find it in a way that improves your life instead of creating a big embarrassing chaotic mess.

I mean, having to explain the whole episode to the VPrincipal had to be seriously embarrassing. No matter what happens with the young teacher, it's time for you to figure out what's going on with you.

I wish you the best of luck and do hope you'll find an understanding therapist to help you explore this. Age 48, with the kids grown, is a time of change and transformation. I hope you negotiate this passage wisely. And have an excellent time doing it, too, in professionally and maritally appropriate ways that lift you up instead of pushing you down.

I have the strongest urge to say something like, "May the Force be with you," or "Live Long and Prosper, " or maybe "Party On, Dude and Be Excellent to Each Other." Anyway ... you get the point. Best wishes from someone who made it to the other side of that particular transition in one piece and happier than ever.

[Travelinglady]

I agree with SnakeCharmer, now that I think about some more.

She is a troubled woman--and it does sound like you could use some therapy, too.