[the_link]

How do I know that I love her? I get so much satisfaction out of taking care of her. Doing her laundry, helping her clean her appt. (I clean and she watches, but I still love it), cooking for her, I will do anything for her. I even drew up adoption papers for my dog so she could be his Mom. Yet I am so afraid of moving in with her and buying a house together. It wouldnt be soon, dont worry. I am so afraid of not being able to give her what she needs. I have been notorious in the past for searching for a reason to break up with a girl, whether it be physical or not. But that was also before I was getting help for my anti-social problems. I just dont know what to do!!! HELP!!!

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Why do you feel you need to move in together right now?

I live here at my boyfriends house, cleaning, cooking ect, he is at work 12 hours a day but I still get the joy of being here even though I don't live here.

How do you know if you love her? That's something only you can figure out. I know with my guy I can literally say that i've never felt this way for anyone in my life, and I never thought I could care for someone as much as my guy now, and it'll be 3 years in June. Everyday is better, and you love the person more and more.

Don't rush into something if you feel you aren't ready for it. You will know if you love someone, listen to your heart.,

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[the_link]

We are thinking of getting a house together due to the distance between us. She could move in with me, I own a house, but her daily commute would go from 20 minutes to over an hour and that is too much. I have such a strong desire to be alone, but its not what I want. I want to give her all my love, to let myself go and experience true love for once. I am trying to "retrain" my personality to be less of a hermit. I have never given anyone my full love, and I am trying to give it to her. Its a constant battle with myself. I look at myself from the outside and see a beautiful girl who has everything I want, but my inner self is fighting me so hard. I know it sounds confusing. Its like I want to give her a hug, but my arms arent moving the way they should. For a long time, I knew I needed help for my mental illness. I never gave it much thought. But when I met her I couldn't get to a therapist quick enough. I really want this to work, but I am very scared. I have never opened myself up like I have with her. I guess time will tell. Time and a lot of therapy!

Mike

[heatherm]

Hi Mike

You sound like a great guy. Keep with the therapy so you can learn coping skills and realizing that it is ok to show your emotional side to her. You have taken a huge step and that is reaching out here as well as getting help. Be proud of that.



Heather

[the_link]

Hi Heather,

Thanks for the support. I really like therapy, its helped alot in the few months I have been going. My therapist loves me because I have so many different issues to unravel. She should like the new boat I am going to finace for her. Thanks again

Mike

[heatherm]

LOL you're welcome Mike ....I like your sense of humour. I also am in awe of how much you love your dog Sarge.....that is wonderful.

Personally I think you are head over heels for your girlfriend. It says a lot when you say how much you enjoy seeing their "stuff" around. She is a lucky girl....you really do sound like a great guy.

I meant to ask you...how does your gf feel about all that you are going through? Do you discuss this with her?


Heather

[the_link]

I kind of screwed things up pretty bad with her. For a few months I just kept trying to talk to her, pushing my problems on her, and treated her like a therapist, not a girlfriend. I was depressed and miserable all the time. I pushed her so far away that we broke up. I know its not 100% my fault, but most of it was. As soon as I lost her I was devastated, and realized the mistake I did, and asked if we could try again. That is where we are now. She wants to take things very very slow which is frustrating, but understoon. All I want to do is shower her with love and attention but it is too much too soon. I have been writing her poems almost every day. If you look in the creative section there are a bunch that I have written in the past few days. She is supportive, but doesnt really want to hear much right now. I think that will change in time. I am on medication now for the depression and anxiety which is helping me focus on my personality disorder. I am so calmed when she is around, and get all anxious until I get to see her again. Sorry, I rambled. I tend to do that when I talk about her.

Mike

[the_link]

As for Sarge? He is the single most important thing in my life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. Here are a few pictures, I hope you can get them...

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/thelin...hotos/Splendor in the Grass.jpg

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/thelin...tos/sarge1.jpg

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/thelin...tos/sarge3.jpg

[heatherm]

Wow Mike....what an absolutely beautiful dog!!!

I read over what you said about how you used to treat your gf....that is so normal though. I think we all do that....we want someone to be there and we then confuse that with our relationship. That is ok though....you did the right thing and should be proud of that. Going for help takes such courage and you showed that.

She sees that....that is why she is taking it slow. It sounds like you have something worth saving. Keep working on you....everything else will fall into place once you are content with yourself.

Your poems by the way are awesome....you have an incredible talent.


Heather

[the_link]

Thanks, I think Sarge is the best dog in the world. It really was hard for me to start seeing a therapist, but now I look forward to it. I also think that we have something worth saving, and I am hoping that you are right about having everything fall into place

Thanks about the poems. I just think of a situation and write about it. Most of the ones I posted took @ 20 minutes, especially the ones about Sarge. I want to write more about my GF but dont want to pressure her. I substitute by writing about Sarge, who she absolutely loves. I guess its kind of a trick to win her back, use the dog!! We will see if it works. Thanks again

Mike