[strocomb]

This is my first time on here and not quite sure how to start. I had a baby 8 months ago. Ever since then I've been really depressed and anxious and just not myself. I have a long history of depression and have struggled with it on and off for years. This time I am thinking of divorce. my husband and I are very different and it's been hard on and off since we were married. Now we fight all the time. I don't think I'm with the right man and can't get past that sinking feeling. I can't leave him though because it scares me and I feel like I've lost myself. Because of my depression I've lost or feel like I've lost many friends..I overwhelmed my best friend and she needs a break from me. I can't get over that. My Mom said she needs a break from my depression as well. I have never felt so alone. I know I'm depressed because I feel the dark cloud around me. I have negative self talk and it's because I believe what my husband tells me and puts me down all of the time. I'm quite sick of it. I just want to hurt him back even though it goes against who I want to be. Anybody out there ever feel like you can't get out of your depression or feel lost then feel guilty for it?

Hello strocomb, I've never been in your situation before, but I feel for you. I want you to hold on, for yourself. I can understand how being depressed can cause friends to become distant. Especially if they don't know what's going on. When I'm depressed, I do notice I act differently or do unhealthy things, which can make me feel more guilty. I've learned that when I'm depressed, I have to give myself time to feel the depression and not beat myself up for how I acted in the meantime. Otherwise, I only become more depressed. Instead, I keep a goal to act better in my head. I've also felt that feeling of never being so alone. It's funny how it's other people who make us feel that way, and not actually being alone. Sometimes you need to find an emotional wedge between yourself and other people who are bringing you down. If you have to deal with them, I found that imagining them in silly ways or turning off my emotions in the meantime made it more manageable for me.