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#1
Jul 03, 2014, 05:41 PM
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First up if you reply please no negative comments as I am already depressed, thanks.
I have only been married for 2 months and I'm already thinking of divorce. I just had a baby 3 months ago so that's been the only good thing that's happened. I have an 18 year old son from a previous relationship and I raised him all by myself which of course wasn't easy, however for the most part he's a good young man. We've had our battles of course but he has apologized and I have moved on, however my husband hasn't. He came into our lives 2 1/2 years ago right at the time when my son was being a pain in the butt and he doesn't understand why I don't kick my son out since he's 18 now and he feels my son isn't doing things to his "standards". He feels he's not getting a job fast enough, but he is trying unlike hubby he stopped looking awhile ago. I'm not kicking my son out. Hubby has shown the ugly side of him now with a temper, which he says is because of how he was raised and having ADHD with no meds and since we're married now he no longer has to keep quiet about things my son does. It has become so bad I had to kick hubby out (his apt. is across the street) because my son was defending me because hubby was talking bad about me, so he got mad and tried to fight my son. My son went to the prosecutors and a hearing is scheduled. Hubby feels he's done nothing wrong but his temper is out of control. I am at my wits end. He finally got insurance to get back on meds but I wonder is it too late and too much damage been done to save our marriage. I don't want to be a single mom again but I deserved to be loved and treated with respect, as does my son. Anyone else have a similiar story? |
 Bells129, hvert
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#2
Jul 03, 2014, 06:48 PM
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Quote:
My second ex H also had run ins with my son (he was a 16 year old smart ***, thought he knew it all etc) it was typical teenage thing, although my son did have ADHD, he had been off meds for a long time, and actually his T said he wouldn't need them as long as he followed the protocol they had worked out together. So basically, my son was just been a regular teenage hellion. My husband at that time, found his actions, comments etc as an attack on HIM, personally insulting him, when most times my son was directing his angst at me. At the time my H had no kids of his own (he has 2 now, and they're moving into their teens---so yes, there IS a god) and it took so much for me to navigate those waters between a testing son and an overbearing, thin skinned husband. Eventually, we divorced (unrelated) but the only thing I could do during the troubles was tell my H, tough it out. He's MY son, he will ALWAYS come before you, no matter that I love you....he's my child and I will be the one to decide how the situation(s) are handled. Your input is welcomed, but thats ALL it is...you will NOT decide what is best...that is MY job. He didn't like it, we had several arguments, but he did finally back down. I commend you for your strength (I don't know that I could be with a new baby AND this additional issue) and I wish you luck and hope things work out...you seem to have a very good grasp on this and what you believe needs to be done. Hang in there, kiddo. You're amazing! 
__________________
 Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception. |
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#3
Jul 03, 2014, 11:28 PM
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I kind of am angry and zero tolerant right now, but don't think anything about the way your new husband is treating you is screaming, "this one's a keeper. " I don't care why he treated you or your son the way he did. If it's from going off meds, ask yourself this: what's the possibility of him going of meds again or him using a different excuse for his actions. I won't mince words, I don't like the looks
of this situation. May angels surround you."
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Be like water making its way through cracks, do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, if nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. --Bruce Lee |
| waiting4
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#4
Jul 04, 2014, 11:44 AM
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Sorry this is negative......but your children come 1st and your mental health of course. If he wants your family he has to show it..he needs help and his actions - only actions will show he is worthy. You and your son may need to get some emotional support as well. It drives me NUTS when people will choose their mate over their children - and I mean children that still live in the home. Once they are gone and your decisions do not really affect them..that is a different story.
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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#5
Jul 04, 2014, 02:03 PM
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Oh gosh, so sorry that you are going through this. God knows a newborn is enough stress! Please think long and hard about how to handle this, maybe even seeking some outside help from a therapist. The situation is not good the way it is and I'm afraid you will need to be very strong to get it back on track, IF that is even possible.
I might tell your husband that the only way the marriage can continue is if you go to counseling. You don't say if this is his only child??? I would think the thought of NOT being in this child's life full time would be enough leverage to force him to make changes. He needs to though, and you must insist on it. Good luck....think about who will be there for you in your old age?? Your son, your new child (if you expose him/her to this chaos) or the husband. To me, the answer is clear. Big hug!!! Last edited by hannabee; Jul 04, 2014 at 02:05 PM. Reason: typos---can't stand them lol |
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#6
Jul 04, 2014, 02:25 PM
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Also...can you imagine how he would feel if you took another man in your life and the new man was not treating his daughter or son well!
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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#7
Jul 04, 2014, 06:55 PM
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Ah, this sounds like such a horrid situation, it must be hard on your son too. Kids should always come first, and it doesn't sound too good that your husband is starting on your son and getting aggressive. He's only 18, not good at all. It's even worse since you have a baby to think of too...oh I really do send you loads of good vibes and hope you can work through it. But I repeat, kids always come first. Just keep that in mind. It might be an idea to leave your husband if things get too bad. Good luck
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