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#1
Jul 08, 2014, 10:07 AM
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My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year but previously we had been friends for over 7 years. We have a very good relationship not many issues ever arise, we get along wonderfully, he is great to me and my children. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. Last year he asked me to marry him and of course I agreed. I want to marry him. However his grandmother told him that he really shouldn't marry me and my family doesn't think I should marry him. I'm worried that her influence is going to stop him from wanting to marry me. He has always been her favorite. His first marriage didn't work out and all of his past relationships have been bad in one way or another. I just don't know what to do. I don't understand why she believes that I am going to hurt him. I love this man and want to marry him.Any advice
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#2
Jul 08, 2014, 02:28 PM
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If you both want to get married it should not matter what his grandmother or your family thinks.
What reasons does the grandmother and your family give for not supporting your marriage ? Welcome to PC
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#3
Jul 08, 2014, 04:00 PM
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Hiya Bree13...
I agree that families/grandparents don't get a vote... it's your relationship, you and your significant other get to decide whether or not to get married. That said... I think it's smart to try to understand what their reasons are. Sometimes people have silly reasons, or maybe don't know the other person well enough - but other times they may see something that we miss (love being blind, and all that). So, if you have a good relationship with any of the people who object, I'd be inclined to ask them calmly why they think marriage is a bad idea. Don't respond or argue, just listen and be open... then go home, reflect, and decide for yourself. (You can always tell them later, "thank you - I appreciate your advice, and your honesty in sharing that with me. I considered it, and decided to go ahead with the wedding.") The other thing you might consider... if you can find a good counselor... is to do pre-marital counseling. I am not married, but I've heard that it can be really good for discussing some of the big issues that typically cause problems in new marriages. Whatever you decide, good luck! |
 brainhi, Trippin2.0
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#4
Jul 08, 2014, 05:46 PM
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I do not understand why he told you that his grandmother said he should not marry you. That is for he and his grandmother to work out. He needs to be in your favor. I'm sure that made you feel like crap. And why does your family not approve????
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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#5
Jul 08, 2014, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
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#6
Jul 08, 2014, 08:50 PM
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My concern is with the reasons neither families want to see the two of you get married. Sometimes one or two people are totally "off", but when it's a group of people, there's usually something wrong with the situation. When I met the man I live with every one of his friends and co-workers (I mean, every one) warned me about the guy. It was like...Yeah...he's a friend, buuuut the dude has a lot of problems....strangely, his family seemed absolutely delighted with me. To a point at which I felt uneasy.
Well, now I know what's-what: his friends and co-workers were correct...the guy has major issues. And his family was thrilled to dump him on me. So...what do you think? Does grandma and does your family have valid reasons for not giving a marriage their blessing? |
| ChipperMonkey, Trippin2.0
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#7
Jul 09, 2014, 07:21 AM
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Bottom line is that it is you and your partner's choice to make a mistake or have a wonderful life with someone you love. Coming to PC for understanding and advice is very smart as you make decisions. Other counseling for you both would be smart as well. If you feel that your boyfriend is not in 100% based on his OWN concerns that is a different story.
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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