[dizzylizzy19]

In February I met an amazing man. I loved him and I gave him everything. Him and his 12 year old son became an integral part of my life. When I looked into the future all I saw was them and us and happiness. All that changed one week ago today when he told me he was "mentally conflicted." Turns out he didn't feel the way I did and had been kind of hiding it. He wasn't seeing our future together - even if his actions showed that. He's been hurt by many women in the past and I think that has greatly affected his ability to see the future and love.

With him I felt more alive and more like me than I ever did before. It was liberating and wonderful. Especially after so many years of feeling like I was the "scooter" the girl guys would ride in private but would never dare be caught with out in public. To explain that, I had weight loss surgery (WLS) in September of 2012 and have lost 110lbs. I don't even look like the same person. I went from a size nearly 24 to a 4.

To that end, I'm sad. So sad. I can't hate him for staying true to his own feelings and telling me the truth, but it still freaking hurts. Last week I literally thought I was losing it (I have a history of anxiety and depression currently being treated). I had to have an emergency therapy appointment and literally thought I was going crazy. Today, I'm better but I'm still very sad.
And obviously eating is greatly affected, but unlike many when something like this happens I freak out and get PHYSICALLY ill. To the point where I am so nauseous I can barely drink water. Yesterday was my first good day and I had a couple strawberries, a mimosa (it was brunch!), a single protein shake, and a couple pieces of toast. That's it... all day. And that was my biggest day. I've lost over 9 lbs since last Monday and that's scary.


I guess I just need support. I think my friends are sick of talking to me because I just keep rehashing the whole thing. And what makes me the most nervous is that I feel like that was my chance. I have come a LONG ways emotionally, physically and mentally but I still don't do well with relationships. Very few guys want to take on my issues: 3 dogs, a single family home in a very expensive area (DC) that needs work, mental/emotional issues, and god forbid all the crazy baggage that comes with the WLS).

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, dizzylizzy19. You have accomplished a lot to make your life better. Please understand it was his concerns that ended the relationship. Frankly, he likely did you a favor. Be positive. There will be other opportunities.

15 Common Cognitive Distortions | Psych Central
Fixing Cognitive Distortions | Psych Central
Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement

I wish you well.

[~Christina]

It always hurts when we think we found someone that really makes us feel loved. Im sorry it didnt work out but I think he was smart to realize it wasnt going to work for him for whatever reason and didnt drag the relationship along.

You have done much good in your life .. Everyone on this planet has a trunk full of baggage whether they admit it or not.

Grieve the loss of this relationship its natural .. Soon you will be able to move on and this pain will fade .

Please take care of you and make sure your eating healthy things daily.

Welcome to PC

[brainhi]

It hurts and we all know it. I always say time does help. Do your best not to think about him. You literally have to train yourself not to go there. It gets better with time. You are going to grieve and you have this place to help get it out of your head.