[Foreign_Soul]

I have an 8yr old son who frequently tells me he wishes I didn't exist, except so that he was born, and that he'd live with my fiancé (not his biological father) and a fiancé who I am completely invisible to. He never listens to anything I say, even when he's looking directly at me and conversing with me! Any time I get depressed there is no one for me to talk to, no one who would ever notice if I was gone. Heck, they don't even notice me now. I'm just here to cook and clean for them and anything more than that is such a freaking burden for them that I never hear the end of their complaining. I don't know why I bother any more. Everyone has made it abundantly clear that I'm not wanted, that I'm nothing more than a burden to them. Great people I have around me!

[gayleggg]

I'm so sorry to hear that your 8 year old would say such a thing. He's definitely out of line.

If you fiance is that distant from you why are considering marrying him. Sounds like you need to move on and find someone who can love and treat you like you should be treated. Good luck.

[Tina10]

I agree with gayle.
your son is only 8, and will learn, but your "fiance" is an adult and should know better, stand your ground and let them know how you feel, then tell them what is going to change, you deserve to be happy.

[~Christina]

Please dont marry this person .. If its bad now it will only get worse .. You might want to look into some Therapy to help you and your son also ..

Good luck

[ifst5]

Focus on you and your relationship with your son - if your fiance is bad news i would remove them from the picture now before it gets more complicated. I know it's rarely as cut and dry as that but your son is becoming a young man and i can't help but feel you need to get a good handle on his behaviour as well as your own issues before the consequences become harder to deal with. I hope you find a resolution to your difficulties - someone mentioned therapy which could be useful but what about more mother and son days? These don't have to be anything spectacular or costly, just a set period of time where you can both spend good quality time with each other. It also gives you an opportunity to lay down the law and reset any boundaries he's over crossed. All the best to you.

[shezbut]

((((Foreign Soul )))))

I am sorry that you're feeling so alone and unloved. You DO deserve to be treated better. Your description sounds very painful and lonely to me. I hope that you are getting help from a T and perhaps a pDoc as well.

I, too, think that you should end things with your fiance and focus on building a healthy relationship with your son. Not easy tasks, I know. But, it can be done. Especially with encouragement from your T. Going in to work with a counselor with your son could also be very helpful.

Not very long ago, I struggled with my older daughter. She seemed to hold a lot of resentment towards me, and we often got into huge emotional struggles. I was miserable! My ex-hub refused to let her and I go into therapy together...so, I went in to work with a child T by myself and tried the techniques that she recommended. It actually worked great! It did take some time to build a healthy relationship with my older daughter, but I did it. Getting out of that negative relationship with your fiance would really help you rebuild a healthy relationship with your son. I wish you the very best! You're welcome to send a message to me, if you ever have Q's too.

[lovesdogs99]

I would agree with the above posters... This probably isn't the right marriage that you should get into.

If you're SET on being in this marriage... I was going to say, maybe you could try to get some help for the 8 year old.. Maybe he just misses someone that he used to call Mom and isn't used to you.