[niceguy]

Ok, so I did something stupid, or at least potentially stupid. I allowed a small key, or window into the rollercoaster ride we were on. If they take the bate as I suspect (or hopefully wish) they will, then what do I say?

I dream about them, think about them incessantly and imagine that we could pick up where we left off. The thing is a part of me doesn't want to let them off that easy. The other part wants to be honest. In fact there's another part, that simply wants to wish them well (an voice how I feel, but we cannot be).

I feel guilt for what I have put them through, yet with reflection, they too put me through hell - and never apologised- I always did.

I am happy with my life right now, with or without them, yet the whole reason I have pffered them this small crack, is because I miss them terribly and want another shot. If I was wrong, I would admit it. If they are done, guess this will be the final test. If they are happily ever after-ing it with someone else, I wish them well.

I guess I am scared. Can anyone else relate... If I get what I want, will I really want it anymore? It's not from a lack of love, never was, more so from a lack of circumstance. Things are exponentially complicated, as most things in life usually are.

Someone help - what should I do?

[gma45]

Sounds like you are looking for some kind of closer. And you don't know if you will be happy, but you are happy now. Well I will spit out an old saying.....The grass is not always greener on the other side! I suppose since you have opened the door a bit you will just have to wait and see. Maybe it is not what you want after all! I wish you the best. We are here for you!

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by niceguy

If I get what I want, will I really want it anymore? ... what should I do?

Well, there isn't much you can do, at the moment since you've already done it, so waiting seems to be the only inaction you can achieve...

If you get it, will you want it? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say....probably not. Because what you want doesn't exist anymore. I've had to come to terms with that very thing with my ex. What I want is for things to go back to the way they were before all the awful started, but that's not realistic and is not offered, and furthermore, cannot be offered.

He is what he is, I am what I am...it is what it is. The dream still clings and I suspect always will. I'm not bitter (which is a huge step for me and for understanding him and what he is) and I'm happier now, than the last few years with him. But do I wish things could have been different? Of course. Could they have been? Not a chance.

Even if I had the equivalent of a 'way back machine', as my son calls it, nothing would be different...nothing I could say or do would derail the catastrophe that was to be 'us'. And I recognize that. And I'm at peace with it.

I wish you well, with whatever happens....and echo the sentiment already stated....we're here for you.

Originally Posted by niceguy

Ok, so I did something stupid, or at least potentially stupid. I allowed a small key, or window into the rollercoaster ride we were on. If they take the bate as I suspect (or hopefully wish) they will, then what do I say?

I dream about them, think about them incessantly and imagine that we could pick up where we left off. The thing is a part of me doesn't want to let them off that easy. The other part wants to be honest. In fact there's another part, that simply wants to wish them well (an voice how I feel, but we cannot be).

I feel guilt for what I have put them through, yet with reflection, they too put me through hell - and never apologised- I always did.

I am happy with my life right now, with or without them, yet the whole reason I have pffered them this small crack, is because I miss them terribly and want another shot. If I was wrong, I would admit it. If they are done, guess this will be the final test. If they are happily ever after-ing it with someone else, I wish them well.

I guess I am scared. Can anyone else relate... If I get what I want, will I really want it anymore? It's not from a lack of love, never was, more so from a lack of circumstance. Things are exponentially complicated, as most things in life usually are.

Someone help - what should I do?

Hard to understand much of that post but there is a book "No More Mr Nice Guy " by Dr Glover and a online forum like this to join .

[niceguy]

Thanks guys for the feedback really appreciate it.

Bad Boy? Appropriate? lol - thanks for the suggestion.... what exactly was hard to follow? what did you need clarification on?

Cheers everyone

[lavaja]

how can we make our loved ones know that we are different but we are also who we are and sometime we may act carelessly and dangerously or say mean or hurtful things but we only get confused or carried away but never mean harm. That rejection from the few we allow close can be devastating and only make matters worse. Stand up for up but not patronize us when ludicrous see our colors with love and not fear.