Abandonment

Abandonment. I brought up the subject with T. I also linked it with relationships, rejection, and divorce. I have had difficulty with relationships as long as I can remember. People who should have been there for me have rejected me (spouse, children, "friends", etc). This has caused me much emotional pain. T wants me to do some thinking about what these words mean to me. Thinking about all this kind of makes me feel sick in my stomach. I am only beginning to explore this. Can anyone relate to this? Thanks.

Most definitely. I consider myself totally alone and have done for longer than i originally thought. Life can very cruel...it's exhausting. I hope T can help you work towards an easier time of it. Heartfelt hugs to you

Yes, I was abandoned beginning in childhood; never knew my father (met him at 33); mother was emotionally abandoning (verbal and physical abuse)..married a man who abused me for 31 years, got a divorce and then my whole church abandoned me...voting me out of membership with my name up on a big screen, followed by the words, "Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God."

However, I wrote about my life and won a scholarship and am a Sophomore (social work) at 67!

Hi seekersinking, I know abandonment and betrayal of trust that someone will be around can be really painful. But with ex-friends......ex-partners...........ex-husband........perhaps see it as you working through the people out there to find someone (or more people) really worthy of you.
And if the others have turned their backs it's their loss, they haven't lived up to your expectations not vice versa. They haven't been capable of giving you what you needed/deserved/their backing. And it's good that you've found that out/that they aren't around, meaning you can hang out for someone who is going to be capable of giving you their understanding, their caring...........
And there will be people who are capable of that in this world.
So they haven't abandoned you, they just haven't been able to meet a standard . And you do not want to go just changing your standards, wants, needs without very good reason.

Alison

Congrats on the scholarship!

I must say that church is completely off the right path... In such situations, I ask myself "what would Jesus do?" Well, if you were truly acting in a way that was unbecoming, would he cast you aside? Heck NO! He would take you under his wing and love you regardless. (I know it's so circa year 2000 cliché, but asking the WWJD question really helps me separate the truth from man made drama and lies.) So in a way, kicking you out probably helped you because now you are away from a place of spiritual negativity!

But again, I must say, congrats on the scholarship!

I have abandonment issues, no doubt about it. I have a *possible* adult attachment disorder as a result. It is very hard for me to bond to others. Yes, I was abused in multiple ways as a child, and continually emotionally abandoned by my mother (and still am). Dealing with it really stinks. I tend to cut and run before anyone can leave me.

ha ha ha absolutely! story of my life lol! sounds like, it could be, it might be..a BPD issue!

of course i am in no way shape or form qualified to diagnose you, but hey..

((((seekersinking))))

Yes, I can relate to these feelings that are troubling you ~ I am (and have been) struggling for as long as I can recall. I believe that my T said adult attachment disorder, which does go along with my bpd.

It is very hard, and frustrating to be such a mess. Sorry that you're struggling with similar feelings as well.

has you T given you a formal diagnosis yet?

Hi Trying2Survive. She at one point thought I might be Borderline, but she ruled it out because it just was not clear that I truly was. At this point it is major depressive disorder, panic disorder, ADHD, and a little OCD. Throw in some self esteem issues, and poor assertiveness skills.

O my gosh yes! Abandonment by my family and loneliness are the hardest part of my life by far. I saw an Oprah interview with the father of a mass shooter and she said something really surprising to me. She said that ppl with cancer or diabetes can usually count on their families to rally around them but when mental illness is the problem the family does the opposite. It was the first time I truly realized that it's not just me or my family that is like this. What are others doing to ease the sorrow? I miss my grandkids so much but I'm not allowed to see them unless I go off my medication.

Thank you, Montanagal. This is a new subject for T and I. Abandonment is a subject that had been at the back of my mind for a while. Just recently I felt the need to discuss it with her. At home I had written down the word 'abandonment' when making my list of topics for therapy. After writing down that word, I also quickly wrote the words "rejection, relationships, divorce". For some reason I felt the need to open this subject. I am just beginning to give thought to how past relationship issues may possibly be linked to present difficulties.

My experience with traversing the ins and outs of BPD, anything happen before the age of three, that was traumatizing enough to qualify as the BPD label?

The whole notion of abandonment/ rejection/ trauma, as blows to self esteem as a result of traumatic events, i.e., divorce, break ups, job loss, etc.., can seem to spark feelings and emotional fall out, similar to what we'd perceive as borderline reactions, thoughts, behaviours.

I once, feel free to TRIGGER WARNING, this part, had a SA in my teens. Certain SI,SH behavior. My unaddressed trauma at four, not before three. What separates me, from my ex? His trauma was, at age of three, followed by an environment that didn't help him cope with trauma.

These fears of abandonment, fear of rejection, can coincide with other dxs.

You may, also, just not display, not meeting the five of nine criteria.
Have you ever looked at what is a borderline styled personality v. Disordered personality. I found it, in a dsm iv, handbook on personality disorders.

Good to work through, however. When I feel vulnerable, these are the tools I need to keep myself from floating to disorder, type of work through.

Thank you, Healingme4me. I will google those terms. Several people on PC have suggested BPD. My T was the first to bring it up. It would seem if I have it, it is not a full blown case.