Help with understanding my sibling

I am new here and decided that with all of my frustrations I need support. There are people in my life I can talk to but they are just bewildered as I am when it comes to some of the questions I have. I have personal problems of my own I will probably address from time to time... I also have insight into things where I would love to try my best to help others as well .

For now this is my problem.... It's with my sister and is a long story I will try to sum up quickly so some of my indications may be blunt! My sister is 29 and I am 26... Growing up I looked up to her of course as we had no other siblings.. My parents divorced at a young age, she went with my mother who allowed her to run wild and do whatever, and I stayed with my dad who is just as social awkward and anxious as me. All through high school my sister was a problem child but nobody really noticed because she also had good grades and did cheerleading... She was a complete slut in high school... But she was still popular and people weren't making her feel bad for it... She was always drinking, getting high ect. During her college years she got arrested, served about 3 months in a PDC for a drug charge and got out... She completely changed her life. Got in church, got married to a preacher, wouldn't wear pants, didn't own a t.v. They lived like the amish, except they had electricity. She was a stay at home mom with their eventual 3 children. She did online school, homeschooled her kids, cooked cleaned everything. Well about 7 months ago they moved out of their house and moved closer to me and my grandmother...(my dad passed away 3 years ago and was extremely traumatic for me... and my sister wasn't that bothered by it.) About a month after my sister, brother-n-law and their 3 kids moved here... My sis decides to stop online school and go to a college campus... everything went downhill from here.... 9 years into her marriage and being a stay at home, mother, housewife christian... it took 1 week at school for her to meet a boy.... and decide she wants to leave her husband AND kids because she can't stand them anymore....

For the past 7 months my sister has been in and out of 3 pysch wards in our state... and 2 more in Florida. She has slept with 10 guys or more... Been on and off drugs and alcohol... all the while she'll come home once a month... claim to want her husband and kids back.. only to leave the next day out of boredom. She met someone at her rehab in florida and went to stay in New jersey with him for a month... this is like guy number 15 or something.... Well now she's suppose to come back to GA for God knows how long, until she goes back to Florida for God knows how long.. She's no longer in facilities she's living off people, taking advantage of family members and friends to get money so she doesn't have to work, do school or anything. My family is completely enabling her and don't seem to care that she's abandoned her 3 kids who are 7, 5, and 3. The kids are pitiful and confused.. I'm having to help raise and provide for them when I can barely stay afloat myself... My husband and I have 2 kids and one on the way..

I've tried every approach with her.. being nice... being mean... being understanding... avoiding her... giving her advice... ridiculing.... The reason I am here today is because she has been posting pictures on social media of her and all her friends saying things like "haters gonna hate" (which i don't even think she knows what that means) and rubbing it in everyone's face that she is living this free life... Well to me.. It is spitting in my face and my grandmothers because we are here doing her job for her children. I don't know what to do.. They say she's bipolar and has a personality disorder, but didn't state which one. But now she uses her "nervous breakdown" as an excuse to behave this way, with no remorse, regard, or gratitude towards anyone. She has even said she has no maternal bond towards her kids at all.... and to be honest I can't think of anyone that she ever loved selflessly. She has always been spoiled and selfish... I don't know if I should kick her out of my life... or try and help her. When I've tried helping her in the past she would run away from me and not speak to me for weeks... then call as if nothing happened. she brags about her new life and her sexual conquest like she is proud. Is this behavior of someone with a mental illness or someone who got tired of being settled down and gave up??? I have social anxiety, separation anxiety, and general anxiety... esepcially being pregnant and off my anxiety medication... so i'm always on the edge and worrying... We had a cousin last year who died in a car wreck at 26 because she was drunk driving... i fear for my sister's life and the future mental state of my neice and nephews. Sorry this was so long.. But i need help badly!

It sounds like your sister needs professional help. You can't make her get help. Given your current condition I would focus on taking care of yourself and your kids.

I know it sounds a bit heartless but if my brother was acting the way you describe, I would worry a LOT about him but wouldn't give him any help or assistance until he turned his life around.

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation.

Wow...... I don't completely understand why your family feels they have to be guardians for your sisters kids, although I am glad someone is responsible enough. Maybe I am not understanding, but why isn't Daddy taking care of them?
You are in a very sad situation, but in the long run the children are the most important because they are affected the most. If Daddy is leaving everything up to you and your family, I think I would try to keep them away from her as much as possible IF she is going to play with their minds and emotions by coming back into their lives when ever it is good for her.
It is mind blowing that a mother can be so selfish, but there are many like that.
I still say, surround those kids with love and try to make things as normal as possible for them, they need some stability and I am sorry you have been elected!
The only other options are not good!!!!
Good Luck to you

You need to protect yourself and your family .. Its sad that your sister is making such horrible decisions about her life . But you cant force her to get help but you can stop having any contact with her.

Is the father of her kids taking care of them ? Are you just helping out? When she blows in and out of town does she see her children? I would think that the father would not allow that because he is trying to provide a stable home.

What a difficult situation to be in.. take care of you and your family and hopefully at some point your sister will seek out help for herself.

Why did her preacher husband pick up and move his family to live near you? Why isn't he taking care of the children? I'm confused about this preacher.

You have two young children with one on the way and now you're caught up in your sisters drama? You are a good sister and a good friend! You should put you, your own family and your grandmother above all else. You sister has to want to change and want help until then there is not any thing you can do for her. I know it is easier said then done (boy do I ever know it!!!) but sometimes you have to walk away. Everyone can't be in your life. ((hugs))

You do need to put yourself and your family and Grandmother first. Right now your sister is not seeking help, she is behaving selfishly. Help the children all you can, they are probably hurting missing their mother. If it's a matter of you or your grandmother keeping the kids on a permanent basis, you need to get financial support from their parents.

I'm sorry you are going through this! You don't mention where your MOTHER is?? Seems to me like she should step up and help with this situation, if she is able. Also, seems like she raised one daughter who thinks the world owes her something and she needs to be set straight. You have enough to take care of, please don't waste any more time feeling guilty about your sisters actions. Her husband should be able to raise his own children and you can help out being the "AUNTIE" if you so desire. Good luck with everything.

What a difficult thing to deal with. Kudos to you for helping give your sister's children some stability. They really need all the love and support they can get right now. As for you, take care of yourself and your own family right now. Her choices sound like they have a toxic effect on you. Let her go, disconnect. Don't let her drag you down into her vortex of destruction. If she stabilizes and if it feels right, by all means allow her back into your life some time in the future. And try to watch out for her children as much as you can. They might be on the same destructive path she is. Good luck!