[Miket389]

ok so long story short i have been seeing a girl i dated 4 years ago that currently has a boyfriend. i hadn't talked to her in 4 years and we ran into each other ( small town ) things have been happening the last 3 months spending time and a physical relationship, but she has yet to end things with him. i have made my intentions clear that i want to be with her and that i don't want to be the other man. I KNOW THIS IS ALL WRONG.. but i became emotionally involved and its hard for me. she spent the last few nights with me and today went to a family party with him. which i knew about. she called me later on when she got home and we had a good convo, about a lot of stuff and she brought up how he wanted her to stay with him tonight and that she said no. she asked to see me tomorrow and that was goodnight. i recieved an encouraging text a few minutes later so i decided to be spontaneous and suprise her.. well she wasn't home.. she was at his house, this was roughly 11:30, i don't drive by peoples houses for fun but when she wasn't home i had to know. I KNOW all of this is wrong, i just need some help understanding why myself and others seem to go through this..

some people are so lucky in love, i know this isn't the ideal situation but ive been single a while and felt like the way she explained things it was over with her bf. she has been very affectionate and re assuring. so i fell for her again. and now im heartbroken, again. maybe she just didn't want to tell me she was going to save me from worrying? or to appease him?.. in my heart i know if it was real she would have left him immediately if things were right.. im just venting and have nobody to talk to.. i always seem to get myself in these situations. it doesn't hurt any less after a few times... .. i have to tell her now that i can't see her anymore. i don't want to call her out on anything, but i need to end it. anyone else have any insight or encouragement, i could really use it right about now. im feeling pretty down..

[hvert]

That really sucks. I'm sorry you're going through that. I don't really have any advice - it sounds like you are making the right choice in ending the relationship, though.

Something similar happened to a friend of mine a few years ago and it really was mystifying - she was very convincing about how she planned to leave her boyfriend. I don't get how a person can keep up that kind of lifestyle for so long - or why they would want to string two people along like that.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Yep, I would stay clear away from her; it's wrong, as you know, and unhealthy for you. It sounds to me like she's messing you about, anyway.

I'm single and have been for a while, but I most definitely wouldn't sleep with a woman who's taken or be otherwise actively romantically involved with her; that's just wrong. VERY few exceptions. Talk about it, sure, make plans, sure, but I'd be smart until things are finally over. You should, IMO, always wait until the previous relationship is over, completely, before "moving in", as it were; if anything, think of it as courtesy for the other guy.

You recognise your error, so now you can take action to make things right, which, from the sounds of it, is to get away from her. The last thing you want is to deal with a very angry boyfriend who's looking for revenge, if you know what I mean.

some people are so lucky in love

Tell me about it, but that doesn't give you free reign to be messing about with someone else's girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, she's worse, if anything, for cheating on her boyfriend, and screwing you about. At the end of the day, it takes two to tango.

Best of luck getting out of that situation. As for the future, maybe avoid women who are taken?

PS
I do appreciate how hard it can be to be alone for so long, and when something comes along... I can appreciate the temptation, both sexual and romantic; I hope I can stay as stubborn as I've always been about these things.

[Miket389]

Thanks, I told her today i couldn't see her anymore, she accepted it at first but has since been talking to me about things, ive simply said i would like to see you still but i can't do it with someone else in the picture, and im not going to. thanks for the replies, i don't what will happen. i just hope im doing the right thing

[~Christina]

Yeah removing yourself from this relationship is the right thing to do for yourself.. You deserve better and I think you know that.

Throw your self into activities with friends or hobby's or start new hobbies.. Just get on with life

[Miket389]

Well i Did it, I felt better almost right away, but afterwards the next day of course she told me how she didn't like this at all. I held firm and all i got out of her was how she was sorry she hurt me, and how she didn't want to hurt him after all these years and have things end in hatred, which as much as i want to think told me everything i needed to know. i don't know how i feel right now. it hurts a lot. ive been second guessing myself thinking someone in my life is better than nothing, and what would be happening if i hadn't said a word and kept things going. its hard to walk away from someone who i truly believe cares about me, Just not as much as i care about her apparently. I just feel like a stick in the mud right now. 3 and a half months is a long time to wait around for someone to make a decision and yet i feel like i cornered someone still. im just a mix of emotions and hope things get better soon