I just callled my dad after 20 years of NO contact

He told me to call back as he had to bring someone to Boston.

At least it s a start. Reconciliation and forgiveness is hard but it always begins with the first step. Until you can talk with him and find out where he is you will likely not be able to be at peace. He may be feeling awkward too, but I suspect he wants to talk to you. I would persist at least until you know

That took alot of courage ,, be proud ! I hope things work out for you.

Why do people pick up their phone if they do not have time to talk - drives me nuts..
let it go to voice mail. It was nice that you reached out - not sure what I feel about what he did - I think it is rude.

Do you think you will call him back? I am sorry to hear that happened. I would find that upsetting. Rationally, you just called at a bad time, but emotionally that seems hard.

I think its actually better to answer the phone and say you can't talk than not answer the call and let the person think you're purposely ignoring their call...

It took a lot of courage to call him, be proud of yourself. I hope the actual phone call goes well for the both of you.

I had a fairly bad experience after reaching out to my father after 25 years. He was social at first, but I think he was just curious about me. He did not want to even see my daughter who was about a year old. He was sort of emotionally unavailable. I eventually stopped trying.
He died a few years later. Now, I am glad I met him and got to know a bit about him. But I do grieve having that relationship. Not having a father affected me greatly. He never understood that.

For me, it does not mean I am ignoring the person...I cannot give them the time at that moment - usually for very good reasons. If I have the chance to listen to the voice mail - I can always make a decision to quickly call back or send a text and exchange info as to when it would be a good time to talk for the both of us.

My response was based on the fact that they haven't had contact in 20yrs... Atleast that's the first thought that would pop into my mind (assuming he even had my number of course).
For people I'm in regular contact with? I don't think twice about my calls going to voicemail when they're busy.

Yes, if he knew it was his son that was calling...after all this time. It would be nice to pick up the phone and set a time to speak again.

Its been a few days since I called. I am feeling guilty calling after all these years. I am not even sure if I want him back in my life.

It was really brave to call the first time. If a relationship is something you really want you can try again What you're feeling is normal and understandable. I've been in a similar position as you. So much time has passed and things are a bit confusing Only you know how your relationship was before the no contact started yet I'll say this anyway: maybe he's nervous about taking initiative in forging a relationship with you. Maybe he feels some guilt too. Again only you can consider how much truth there is to that but I'm mentioning this because he didn't seem so proactive based on what you've already said (if so maybe he would've been assertive in setting up a better time). Maybe there's a lot of reasons there like the time...his character...the past before then... Again only you know what's going on beyond what you've mentioned. By putting in your effort you can judge by the amount of effort he puts in if he wants the same thing as you.

Only you can know if trying to build a relationship with your dad is worthwhile for you.

I'm sure it is scary. Fear is going to mess with your brain - now that you opened the door. If you do reach out, at least you will start to have some understanding what to do or what you do not want in your life. He does not define you - you define yourself.

Why are you calling? Why did you cut off contact in the first place?

I heard from my father out of the blue, after ten years, no contact. He'd heard I'd had a baby, and didn't want my kids growing up, not knowing about their grandfather.
That was ten years ago. Reconciliation is a slow process. Glad that, it happened. Able to resolve various things, step by step. It's not quite how I'd envisioned an adult father/daughter relationship. But something is better than nothing. And when I say these years resolved many things, I mean lots has resolved in my head and heart.

The above poster mentioned why? My example shows there's a why, that requires addressing.

I think of cutting things off with my parents a lot lately. I can't forgive them and I can't move past the past. I'm tired of the obligations. I'm tired of fake pleasantries.

Pretending is very hard. It was way too painful to hold on to my dad. It was way past just trying to tolerate him. You know what is best for you and your life at this time.

Congratulations on contacting him. Personally, I think he should call you back because you made the effort to contact him and he should return it. Hope it works out.

I called him because I'd been drinking and thinking about him for awhile. The reason I cut off contact with him his a very long involved story. He basically chose his new family over his old family.
I did notice his number showed up on my caller id. I wasn't home and he did not leave a message

Making a great decision like this...and drinking...

Since you don't sound so sure of yourself maybe some time to decide is needed so you can think some more. His returning your call is indicative of interest enough; has he called you since? Or you him?

Ouch... I know what that feels like. My father did the same 2 times
It was incredibly hard to watch him be a good father to others and he did not treat his own blood very well at all.

You already know that drinking is not your answer - and calling when you are drinking - or drunk is not smart at all. I hope you have support to help you through this. Some professional can help you figure out what steps to take if you want to reach out to your father.....but you also have to learn to heal from the pain of feeling rejected by your dad - a phone call is not going to heal this.

I hope you start to resolve this sooner rather than later. We are here to listen to you anytime!