[Diamond-eyes]

I honestly think I need help, I stay with guys that I don't want anymore. I can't stand to be alone but don't have to be alone. When I get a text from my lover it fills me with such happiness. Something I usually don't feel. I feel embarssed that I allow this but I can't help. I feel so unhappy with love in my life.

Am not sure why I do this. I been in a abusive relationship in the past that was beyond controlling and abusive. I broke it off. And growing up and still is my mom has narcsistic personality disorder and treats me like the scapegoat .My confidence is getting better but I seem to keep failing into these old habits of fear of being alone or lonely. I still talk to a guy that used me. When things are to much I rarely cut myself. Sometimes Thinkbabout doing hard drugs to deal with the absent ness of former bf.I hate being lonely. I can be alone but when am with someone, I want then to stay forever. I just want to be happy insideclike when I am with someone. I think I really need help. What wrong with me and what do I do to get better?

[gma45]

Hi Diamond-eyes, Have you ever been to a therapist or counseling? Those things might be of some help to you. You sound like you don't like yourself very much. I think that might be a place to start. Stick around here awhile things may start to get better. Just give yourself time and be good to yourself. We are here for you. You are not alone.

[curley]

Hi Diamond, I agree with the previous post, some kind of counseling or therapy may be the best bet to start with. I am thinking that if you are not happy inside yourself and if you continually expose yourself to people that are not very good to you, or for you, Therapy can show you how to love yourself. If you love yourself you will not put up with less then that from anyone else

[Notoriousglo]

I was scapegoated, too, and I struggle with a similar problem. I can't be alone, but I'll stay in relationships even if I'm not happy in them. I gave up trying to figure it out or entertain "why" thoughts, because the conflicting thoughts made me feel uncomfortable anxiety and depression, which I don't need more of. Anyways, I think it's both an attachment and self-esteem issue. I feel a security if I am in a relationship and if I get broken up with or break up with someone, I feel this kind of dive...like something in my brain dropped. It's weird.

[MissBelle00]

It sounds like you are insecure about yourself and you need someone to constantly validate you. I don't know a lot about the subject, but I would bet it's due to lots of neglect in your life, possibly a lot of it in your childhood.

I have similar problems. I mostly raised myself, had an abusive mother who sent me to another country by myself when I was 14, was never taken to doctors to get check ups or when I needed it, I was basically abandoned.
I grew up with horrendous self-esteem issues and I also became very clingy of anyone who would get close to me, while at the same time developing this cold, distant personality towards my family members.

I found out I can't stand being alone. I dated some pretty shady guys, I was unable to see red flags, I was used and cheated on several times. My previous relationship was the worst, as it turned abusive and he almost killed me, but I stayed for four years anyway.

I haven't seen a therapist yet but I am planning to by the end of this month. At the very least I've been able to come to the realization that I have issues that need to be worked on - and by shedding light on them, I was able to understand myself much better. It took years.

Hopefully with the help of a therapist I'll be able to work these out and become a healthier person. I hope you can do the same.

The first step is always acknowledgement and acceptance.

Best of luck to you.

[Notoriousglo]

Originally Posted by MissBelle00

It sounds like you are insecure about yourself and you need someone to constantly validate you. I don't know a lot about the subject, but I would bet it's due to lots of neglect in your life, possibly a lot of it in your childhood.

I have similar problems. I mostly raised myself, had an abusive mother who sent me to another country by myself when I was 14, was never taken to doctors to get check ups or when I needed it, I was basically abandoned.
I grew up with horrendous self-esteem issues and I also became very clingy of anyone who would get close to me, while at the same time developing this cold, distant personality towards my family members.

I found out I can't stand being alone. I dated some pretty shady guys, I was unable to see red flags, I was used and cheated on several times. My previous relationship was the worst, as it turned abusive and he almost killed me, but I stayed for four years anyway.

I haven't seen a therapist yet but I am planning to by the end of this month. At the very least I've been able to come to the realization that I have issues that need to be worked on - and by shedding light on them, I was able to understand myself much better. It took years.

Hopefully with the help of a therapist I'll be able to work these out and become a healthier person. I hope you can do the same.

The first step is always acknowledgement and acceptance.

Best of luck to you.

Hope things get better for you soon!

[MissBelle00]

Originally Posted by euphy

Hope things get better for you soon!

Thank you!

[lilypup]

Definitely agree with the advice to see a therapist. Mine was so good at seeing my troubles clearly, and helping me to work it out.

[MissBelle00]

Originally Posted by lilypup

Definitely agree with the advice to see a therapist. Mine was so good at seeing my troubles clearly, and helping me to work it out.

That's so lucky for you!!

I've been to two therapists in the past, and I left both feeling like it was a HUGE waste of time and money and absolutely nothing got accomplished.

I've been so scared ever since. I don't have a lot of money to be wasting on therapists who can't do their job.