[BeaFlower]

This will sound a bit strange, I know. I'be always felt a bit uncomfortable with my friends, even when I really consider them friends. Sometimes this happen when I am in a group, but (and this is the 'strange' thing, in my opinion) it happens expecially when I am only with one friend, even my best friend. In a group, if it's not too big and I know most of the people, I can feel comfortable because I don't feel obliged to say something or suggest what we could do...someone will do it however, and people could not notice that I am so silent. But when I am only with a friend, expecially if we are at my home, I feel that I should in some way 'entertain' her, suggest something nice to do together...but I'm not good in these things. And the more I think about it, the more I don't know what to say or to do and I feel uncomfortable. But o can't avoid thinking about it, and feeling that I'm not doing a 'good job'
For this reason I rarely invite friends to come and see me...and this, since most of them don't live in my same town, means that during the holidays I practically always stay alone. I'd like to see friends a bit more often, expecially my best friend, but at the same time I don't want to be in those uncomfortable moments. And I'm also worried that maybe they don't want to come, because I'm so boring Maybe they are uncomfortable too with me. I don't know.
If it is for me, when I'm with a friend I find that it's nice also to just sit down together, taking a bit but not necessarily all the time, maybe watching some photos or other on our phones...like when we are waiting a lesson to begin. But these aren't very interesting activities, and I think that when a friend comes at my home she would like to do something more 'special'...also because when we ate waiting for a lesson we wait maybe half an hour, but at home we spent more time. So, when we are together and there is silence I immediately feel uncomfortable.
To say the truth, my best friend doesn't seem uncomfortable with me, and she seems happy when I finally ask her to come...probably it's just my problem. But it makes me suffer however.
Anyone has advices? Thank you in advance

[Travelinglady]

Beaflower, can you get up enough nerve to tell her you are concerned that she really wants to do something different when you get together? And see if she has some suggestions?

Actually, I just like to get together with my BFF. I doesn't matter so much what we do. We like to chit-chat about all kinds of things.

[unaluna]

Hi BeaFlower. I recognize this feeling. That this feeling has diminished for me over the past few years, is what proves to me that therapy is working. I think it is related to self-esteem. I always felt like i had to perform for my parents - get good grades, be good, be quiet, be the best, whatever. But i think my friends like me for who i am. Because im funny. Because of how i look at things. My politics or my honesty or whatever. They like to be around me, as i like to spend time with them. My family, not so much. It took me a long time yo understand or realize how they truly felt about me, and how it affected me. I think this is a good example. My mother would always look at me at family parties, like she was worried i would say something stupid. I have probably the highest IQ in the family - how stupid can i be? But that made me feel nervous and insecure, without my really realizing why.

[BeaFlower]

Thanks to both. Travelinglady, I don't think that I could ask her Maybe she would think that I feel in this way because she did something wrong, and she didn't. I too like just staying with friends. Maybe it's even better when we don't do anything particular. But it's automatic...when we are just sitting silently, I feel that I should entertain her, if we are at my home. I'll try to think that maybe also for her it doesn't matter what we do...but it's not easy.