[notthisagain]

I'm not talking about someone who's in denial; I'm talking about someone who is aware that s/he has a problem, but won't do anything about it. It could be a partner, close friend, or relative. How do you deal with something like this when you have your own mental health issues?

I've been on intermittent leave from work due to anxiety, depression, and other issues, and had been out for two months on short term disability earlier this year. I've been working with my regular doctor, a therapist, and a psychiatrist. My SO has depression and PTSD, but he's not really doing much to help himself. He had an Rx for Prozac and stopped taking it, and went to two sessions with a counselor (I don't know why he stopped going). My psychiatrist thinks that I am also bipolar and have ADHD, so I am dealing with that, too. I am having a hard time dealing with my own stuff AND his stuff. I know that there are resources out there, but there's always a reason that he can't or won't use them. Has anyone else been through this? I am trying to be understanding because I know what it's like, but it gets exhausting.

[Trippin2.0]

Wow, I can only imagine how rough that must be on you.

Idk the answer, I have NO clue how to deal in your shoes, as I know that I couldn't and would actually choose to not deal.

Not because I'm callous or anything

I too have my own issues (BP / BPD / OCD) and I'm working my azz off to manage living with and trying to prevent the havoc it wreaks. Not just for me personally, but in the lives of my loved ones too.
I just personally could not respect a partner who chose to ignore his problems yet expects me to put up with how its negatively impacting me.

But that's just me, and its to clarify my earlier statement...

I know I don't have a solution for you, but I replied because I really feel for your situation and wanted to send you some cyber hugs if that's ok with you.


I hope the next poster is of more help

[Alone & confused]

You CAN NOT help someone who WILL NOT help themselves. If they will not make some sort of an effort, you're just carrying extra weight. Sometimes you can motivate a person to take action, such as an ultimatum, (like, get help or I'm going to have to leave because this is too much for me to do on my own.) Or you can "enable" them to remain the same without consequence which will only complicate things for you, but you CAN NOT do HIS work FOR him. Each one of us need to be accountable for ourselves, otherwise things will get out of balance for everyone involved.

[hvert]

I agree with Alone and Confused. You can't make him get the help he needs or convince him to seek treatment if he doesn't want to. It's kind of like having a friend who is a drug addict or even a smoker - until they decide they are tired of the way they are, nothing anyone says is going to change them.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm not trying to be pedantic on purpose or anything WRT the previous replies, but the OP was asking how to deal with such a loved one.

Not how to fix them or force them to get help.

The OP admits to knowing he always has a reason / excuse for not seeking help...

To the OP, if I misunderstood your opening paragraph then I apologize in advance to you and the previous posters for my unneccessary post.

[notthisagain]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I'm not trying to be pedantic on purpose or anything WRT the previous replies, but the OP was asking how to deal with such a loved one.

Not how to fix them or force them to get help.

The OP admits to knowing he always has a reason / excuse for not seeking help...

To the OP, if I misunderstood your opening paragraph then I apologize in advance to you and the previous posters for my unneccessary post.

No, you understood what I was trying to say. I know that I can't make him get help. It wouldn't do either of us any good for me to try. I have codependency and boundary issues to work through, and he would just get defensive. I've just seen the effect that his issues has on his life, and I guess I just don't know how to cope with it.

He's lost jobs because he can't get up on time. He's missed job interviews and other important events. He's also very negative and tells me about these stories that he reads on the news. (I brought this last one up because part of my therapy has to do with cognitive distortions and thought replacement, and also avoiding things that trigger me, such as stories about politics, the economy, etc.)

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my therapist and I'm wavering on whether or not he should come into the room with me. (I broke my foot almost two weeks ago and he's been driving me places in my car). I'm afraid that if the therapist tells him something that he doesn't want to hear, that he will think that we are ganging up on him. I have wayyyy too much going on right now, and I can't prop the both of us up.

[Raindropvampire]

I deal with it by telling myself it's not my problem and he's going to do what he's going to do. I can worry, stress and make myself a wreck or I can simply say it is what it is. When my husband displays behavior that is not acceptable to me I disengage and go to another room.

I sat and had a very open and honest discussion about why he has stopped seeking help and why he won't do anything to help himself. We discussed all our options. I asked him if he wanted help from me with dealing with the appointments and meds he said no. So I told him that I love him but for my own well being I was washing my hands of the situation. It hurts to see him in pain he doesn't need to be in but I can't make him get help. So now I focus on me and my health. When he has an episode I make sure he's safe then I disengage and ignore. It's the only thing that has worked for me. Good luck to you.

My situation was different but I will offer you what little I can. Personally, I think you owe it to yourself to see your T on your own for YOU! If your partner wants to see your T, he can make his own appointment. I agree with you that if he came into your session, he would only feel that you & T were both pouncing on him. Would lead to more conflict & you don't need it.

How does one live with it? No easy answer to that. I think it's different for everyone too. I was somewhat an enabler but also had to walk away and let the person fall flat on the floor before I came in to assist again. They just kept falling over and over again until finally...they reached the bottom of their barrel. You and he will know when that happens and only then will there be possibility for change. Until then, do all that you can for yourself and gently encourage your partner from time to time to take meds (it might just help them I'd say), seek counseling, find a job. Someday your words may sink in.

[notthisagain]

Originally Posted by Risingtemp

My situation was different but I will offer you what little I can. Personally, I think you owe it to yourself to see your T on your own for YOU! If your partner wants to see your T, he can make his own appointment. I agree with you that if he came into your session, he would only feel that you & T were both pouncing on him. Would lead to more conflict & you don't need it.

How does one live with it? No easy answer to that. I think it's different for everyone too. I was somewhat an enabler but also had to walk away and let the person fall flat on the floor before I came in to assist again. They just kept falling over and over again until finally...they reached the bottom of their barrel. You and he will know when that happens and only then will there be possibility for change. Until then, do all that you can for yourself and gently encourage your partner from time to time to take meds (it might just help them I'd say), seek counseling, find a job. Someday your words may sink in.

That's what I am thinking too, that I should just go in to see my T by myself. My SO said that he was going to wait outside anyway. I could just introduce the two of them, and then he can go do what he's going to do while I am in my session.

The detachment part is what I have a hard time with. To me, it's like a foreign language. I feel so guilty if I try to draw boundaries or, like you said "let someone fall flat on their face", even if I know that's what's best. Yup, I think it's better that I go in to see T by myself, because I've got a lot of work to do on me.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by notthisagain

I'm not talking about someone who's in denial; I'm talking about someone who is aware that s/he has a problem, but won't do anything about it. It could be a partner, close friend, or relative. How do you deal with something like this when you have your own mental health issues?
Has anyone else been through this?

In my experience, so long as my ex believed that I was the SICK one - not her, there was NO way that she would have ever considered therapy - she was OK, in her mind! I never tried to "deal with" her until after I began to realize that she also had deep issues. My programs convinced me that nobody goes for therapy until they WANT TO! So, I just worked on my self, defended my self from her and finally LEFT HER!

[Trippin2.0]

Reply deleted, sorry wrong thread.