[Zoe86]

Everybody is asking me why I don't have a boyfriend and it's making me insane, year after year. If I have found a solution, I wouldn't be in this situation voluntary. In a few weeks I have a big family birthday party of my gran and I have already big problems with that. I can't sleep and I'm beeing very edgy.

But the big problem is that, I no more like going out, because I don't see a point in that. It's like nobody notices me, like I'm invisilbe. The last time I was on a bigger party I nearly got crushed. Only when I told somone to keep a little attention they noticed me and moved on saying no word.
I'm also already on a single site and I get lots of e-mail how beautiful and how friendly I look, but nobody wants to meet. Do I send bad vibes? I don't know.

My confidence is at a moment at the lowest. My only wish is that someone, anybody recognize me as the person who I am. I'm so confused.

[CANDC]

Zoe, welcome to PC. You can be whoever you want here. It is a great place to explore and be yourself. I joined a while back and never posted so I did not see how much there was, but the more active I am the more that I see there are understanding people here that are interested.
Part of the problem we face when we confront challenges in our lives is that we are forced to change. People around us want us to be the same as we always have been but that is difficult. Not sleeping is a big problem. Hope you find a way to relax. For me a shower, soft instrumental music and a non-exciting book are my preparation for sleep.
SIngle sites can be very impersonal. People are not always interested in who you are but what kind of fun they can have.
Maybe you are still finding out who you are. I bet that there are creative activities like crafts, painting or music that are waiting for an opportunity to come out. You might like some of the forums.
http://forums.psychcentral.com
there are quite a few.
You also might like the CHAT - see at top under BLOG and NEWS there is a link.

[Zoe86]

Thank you for your words CANDC! The biggest problem is, I lay in bed and try to fall asleep but I can't - and then starts the thinking. I try to relax but after 1 or 2 hours I'am that frustated - with me, with the world, with everything - and then often I start to cry. It's like a doop loop.
I hope I can soon find a way out.

[ptangptang]

Yep totally with you about the invisibilty thing. Been like that all my life.Luckily i'm nearer the end of it than the begining so not for much longer. ( not a suicide post btw). Best of luck in trying to become part of this world. I never have.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Zoe86

Thank you for your words CANDC! The biggest problem is, I lay in bed and try to fall asleep but I can't - and then starts the thinking. I try to relax but after 1 or 2 hours I'am that frustated - with me, with the world, with everything - and then often I start to cry. It's like a doop loop.
I hope I can soon find a way out.

Im sorry your having such struggles in life.. Do you have a Therapist that you can talk to about your feelings?

I have Chronic insomnia and have for 30 something years... The one thing that finally helped me was ..... When I go to bed and I just cant get to sleep instead of being worried about not sleeping I just accept that its not a sleep nite.. I focus on lying comfortably and allowing my muscles to relax , Do some meditation, breathing exercises, Soft soothing music... Basically dont focus on the fact your not able to sleep.. Just enjoy the calmness around you... It takes the pressure and worry out of it. And sometimes you will drift off to sleep

[Zoe86]

Christina, thank you for your advice. I appreciate it greatly.
Last night I had such sleeping problems. It's true. When I can't sleep, I put so much pressure on myself, because I have to get up on 4 a.m to commute. Every 15 minutes I consult a watch and I see the time running. Sometimes I only sleep 3 hours and in the morning I'm so instable and frustrated.
The next time when I'm that down, I'll think of your suggestions and will try to relax. I'm sure it'll help.
Thanks