New and in an abusive relationship....

Hi all, I'm new here. I found this forum while I was searching on the web if I in fact am the abusive one in my marriage.

My husband comes from a very dysfunctional family. His parents were divorced when he has a child.

According to him, his brothers and his dad, his mom is crazy and suffers from psychotic nervous breakdowns and she has to be continuously injected with "vitamins" so she stays calm. This event has impacted my husband's behavior and the way he thinks a wife and a woman should be treated - as crazy ones.

It all started right after we got married. He changed so much from when we were dating (we dated for 7 years). I moved from a different state and left the job of my dreams (which he doesn't even appreciate) to be with him who is also working on the job of his dreams. As newly weds, he started to disregard me and focus only on his hobbies (he plays video games day and night).

I've been married for 3.5 yrs, and can't take it anymore. I know my husband is abusive in so many ways: emotionally, economically and sometimes physically, but he now has started to claim I am the abusive one in the relationship.

Even when he's not mad/upset he calls me all sorts of things, crazy, fat, old, psycho and what not (I'm only 32). My self-esteem is null, till the point of wanting to hurt myself. Thank God I haven't had the courage to do so.

We live in a very small apartment because he says he's saving for a house, and thus doesn't want to have kids yet.

The online video-gaming and loud screaming is driving me nuts. I need to sleep at least 7 hours and he spends hours until past midnight playing. I feel this has in big part ruined our marriage. Even if I tell him nicely to stop playing he tells me to shut up, and that I'm not his boss. So he just ignores me. I get very frustrated because I cannot sleep well. I have threatened him to throw his consoles away in the trash. That's when he gets so furious, yelling at me not to touch his precious electronics and that's when he becomes physically abusive.

This has happened in more than one occasion that I have had to leave to my parents house (a flight of 1,400 miles) because it is impossible to live with a person with these kind of issues. We have tried to fix things, even attempted to go to couples counseling, we did go once, but didn't continue therapy.

Three nights ago it happened once again, this time I had been cleaning our apartment for hours and hours and he started making a mess, which obviously infuriated me. First I told him nicely to stop it, but he purposely started to do even a bigger mess. I told him to stop and he was even laughing until he pushed my buttons and I barely hit him with a cloth that I had in my hands. That's when things became physical, he hit me in the head with his knuckles and it hurt so bad.

That was the last time he hit me or hurt me in any way.

I know I'm just reacting to his actions. Also, I know the only way out before anything else happens is leaving this toxic relationship. I am planning to leave again, this time forever.

Welcome to the Community, HurtsNoMore. You have had to endure too much. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has information about a safety plan. This article has a lot of information you can use:

5 Tips To Escape An Abusive Relationship | World of Psychology

I wish you well.

Hello and welcome to PC I'm sorry for what you've been through with your husband. PC is a great place to get support and advice from people who understand what you're going through. We are a forum here for survivors of abuse, feel free to browse our forums and post where you feel comfortable.
No one deserves to be treated this way, I hope you can find a way to get out of that environment.

Once it gets physical it's definitely time to run. Not that other abuses shouldn't make you run for it, too, just what I mean is statistically speaking, your life is now in danger.

Agree about the safety plan. The website has an abort screen switch. Are you safe now? A divorce without kids or assets is simple, they've listed legal outlets to seek.

I'd highly recommend counseling and a support group. Recovery is important because without it, the next partner could be worse and you won't be aware of the red flags and while in therapy find out what brings you into such a relationship.
I tended to be too forgiving.

Im so sorry that you have gone through all this abuse you deserve so much better.

Get yourself to a safe place and contact a lawyer ..Even though you rent if there are bank accounts you are entitled to etc.

Please find a therapist and/or a support group you will need help to emotionally work through all of this.