[DianaMariemad]

My BF broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had been together for over 8 years and had two children together and currently are expecting another one that was planned. I have been basically smothering for answers about why he broke up with me First he tells me that he fell out of love with me then he says he didn't like our relationship. We have struggled for years financially, we busted our butts at our jobs and never got to live life and do anything because we could barely pay bills. Well things started turning around for us this past summer with me graduating and him starting a business with a friend. He says he still has feelings for me and is still very physically attracted to me but just wants space and to live life single and free. Well that's fine and dandy for him I guess but that means I am now the only one taking care of the kids and having to find a place for us to live. He said he always thought I was too dependent on him and he didn't think I was ever happy. I was happy with him though and he just doesn't want to listen to what I am saying yet get's upset if I don't listen to what he is saying. I have been working really hard to give him his space and hoping that he will come around but I still see him because of the kids and he just likes to rub it in my face how happy he is now or how he is talking to X amount of girls. It's just salt in an open wound and makes me very upset. He knows that I love and care for him deeply so why is he doing this to me? If he didn't want a family then he never should of had kids with me.

[CANDC]

You are in a bind. I would see what legal recourse you have like getting him to pay child support.
He is not mature in his claims of freedom. He is irresponsible.
Best to give up hope of repairing that relationship unless he starts asking forgiveness.
What about a single parents support group. You might even meet a responsible parent!

[jimmy rich]

Diana: Sorry about your predicament and even sorrier for the kids who are being injured in that sad, broken relationship. IMO, the kids always get hurt the most when their UNMARRIED parents fall out of love.

We had been together for over 8 years and had two children together and currently are expecting another one that was planned.

Not to be judgmental or harsh, but, did you ever consider getting married so that your kids, at least, would have their legal rights protected? As a guy, I believe we don't consider the rights of our offspring but it seems like their mother would since she, not him, will loose the most when the BF decides to move on to greener pastures.

He says he still has feelings for me and is still very physically attracted to me but just wants space and to live life single and free.

That's a typical guy attitude! He just wants the sex with no strings attached and so long as he is JUST the BF, he actually is FREE all the while!

He knows that I love and care for him deeply so why is he doing this to me?

BECAUSE HE CAN!
Since there is NO marriage certificate, to secure your children's RIGHTS, he can do whatever he wants, at any time he wants.

If he didn't want a family then he never should of had kids with me.

He's just the BF! His behavior towards you demonstrated that he was just USING you for sex - not to create a family. He might have finally become: bored, scared, angry, sad or any number of "reasons" to dump his kids and you for GREENER PASTURES. Maybe there are laws to FORCE him to support the children that he produced and is now damaging. It might turn out that loosing him is the best thing that ever happened to your kids and you, but please get a marriage certificate with the next BF that you hook up with.
Good luck,
jim

[The Blue Mouse]

I grew up the youngest one of 5, my parents divorced when I was I think 8, and my father was really not part of our lives besides the occasional weekend visit which were really awkward moments more than anything else. I had to defend for myself since I was 15 really, that's when I moved back to the US from overseas and well, had no one (long story). I now understand the struggle, the pain, the frustrations, the fears, the choices my mother made raising us, why we couldn't afford new or name brand clothes, or even a finished house, she had to handle all of that by herself. You need to start by re-labeling your significant other from BF to what he really is now, your children's biological father. You are a loyal person, that is still hoping for the guy you fell in love with the first time you met him to find his way back. You can do that if you want, but I would rather ask you to focus on your life and your kids, and is gonna be lonely for a while, but ensure he is AT LEAST paying you what you need for child support. It doesn't mean he gets off easy, but I'll tell you how I honor my mother for all her sacrifice, I legally changed my last name to hers, because in my book she is the one that deserves a last name legacy. I don't know if this makes any sense but all I can say is that kids remember what their mother does for them. It was her teachings and her strength that kept me going forward when I had to face living in the US alone, at the age of 15. If it wasn't for all her advice, her teachings, her tenacity, her TRUE GRIT, then I would've never made it.
Ensure he takes care of his financial responsibilities first and foremost, and then allow yourself to discover yourself. You can still do it, but now you get to include your amazing discoveries with your children, and they will remember those moments the most. I know I do.

You got this, you're stronger than you've ever imagined. After the initial painful lessons, it becomes multitasking fun, and I think you'll love it.

Best wishes for you and your family.

[healingme4me]

Don't waste energy on a loser that abandons his kids for an ego rub. Get your child support, unlike mentioned a couple posts ago, children are legally protected married or UnMarried. Says so in all the legal national probate lit, fyi..