[Nat92]

So, in about 2 weeks it'll be 5 months since my ex left me and I haven't exactly gotten any wiser.

As someone who always helps others, gives the advice that aids them with moving on and getting better - but never taking it myself.

I come to you guys, seeking help.

We spoke a bit after the break up, but it didn't last because I wouldn't be able to move on while staying in contact, so I left him a long message explaining why and deleted him, removed him, blocked him from everything.

This is about 3 months ago and until a few days ago, I was doing OK. I was moving on or trying to, taking my mind off things but I still missed him and still do miss him.

I get these periods, where a memory somewhat completely overtakes me, I feel it reply, I feel what I felt in that moment and it's nice but scary too. A kiss, I feel as if it just happened and I get the butterflies and everything...

I don't know where it comes from, because I feel that I'm in no way suppressing these feelings. I don't think about him all the time, I can focus on something else.

I feel more than ready to move on, but it's like my heart doesn't want to.

I fear I may be on my way to become one of those crazy ex's who's in denial and who tries to keep holding onto the past.

I don't want to turn crazy.

And I'm starting to realize that a part of me may be holding onto an old picture of my ex, that the last day I visited him, may have been the day he knew he was going to leave me and that he didn't love me anymore.

And I lived in this illusion of what we were.

I just really fear that I'm turning myself into this insane ex.

I'm not wanting to contact him, but I miss him.

How can I move on? I'm really trying, so so so hard.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Nat92

So, in about 2 weeks it'll be 5 months since my ex left me and I haven't exactly gotten any wiser.

As someone who always helps others, gives the advice that aids them with moving on and getting better - but never taking it myself.

I come to you guys, seeking help.

We spoke a bit after the break up, but it didn't last because I wouldn't be able to move on while staying in contact, so I left him a long message explaining why and deleted him, removed him, blocked him from everything.

This is about 3 months ago and until a few days ago, I was doing OK. I was moving on or trying to, taking my mind off things but I still missed him and still do miss him.

I get these periods, where a memory somewhat completely overtakes me, I feel it reply, I feel what I felt in that moment and it's nice but scary too. A kiss, I feel as if it just happened and I get the butterflies and everything...

I don't know where it comes from, because I feel that I'm in no way suppressing these feelings. I don't think about him all the time, I can focus on something else.

I feel more than ready to move on, but it's like my heart doesn't want to.

I fear I may be on my way to become one of those crazy ex's who's in denial and who tries to keep holding onto the past.

I don't want to turn crazy.

And I'm starting to realize that a part of me may be holding onto an old picture of my ex, that the last day I visited him, may have been the day he knew he was going to leave me and that he didn't love me anymore.

And I lived in this illusion of what we were.

I just really fear that I'm turning myself into this insane ex.

I'm not wanting to contact him, but I miss him.

How can I move on? I'm really trying, so so so hard.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and you're not going crazy. It's totally natural, after a long relationship, to have those flash backs. I ended my months ago...have not contacted him but still, once in awhile it creeps up on me. Memories we shared...the last time I saw him...last kiss...everything, for no reason at all and I feel like I'm right back where I was. I miss him too. But.....after the 'flutterbyes' are over, I realize I'm still here...where I need to be and that it's just one more step away from him. That's why it sometimes feels scary.

It's been only a few months for you...please don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing wonderfully, you have to keep telling yourself that, and you deserve someone who loves you, and who won't leave you. All the things you've done thus far to distract and move on ARE working...its just that our minds sometimes are wired to look back...in moments of stress (sometimes we don't even know we're stressed) or just in moments of recognition that it HAS been months.

Hang in there. It does get better, I promise.

[Nat92]

Originally Posted by waiting4

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and you're not going crazy. It's totally natural, after a long relationship, to have those flash backs. I ended my months ago...have not contacted him but still, once in awhile it creeps up on me. Memories we shared...the last time I saw him...last kiss...everything, for no reason at all and I feel like I'm right back where I was. I miss him too. But.....after the 'flutterbyes' are over, I realize I'm still here...where I need to be and that it's just one more step away from him. That's why it sometimes feels scary.

It's been only a few months for you...please don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing wonderfully, you have to keep telling yourself that, and you deserve someone who loves you, and who won't leave you. All the things you've done thus far to distract and move on ARE working...its just that our minds sometimes are wired to look back...in moments of stress (sometimes we don't even know we're stressed) or just in moments of recognition that it HAS been months.

Hang in there. It does get better, I promise.

Thank you so much. I really thought I was going crazy and turning into one of those who won't let go and who do crazy things.

I'm not alone then.

It's just really darn hard and sometimes I even think it's unfair. 4 years is a long time, but there's not really anything I can do about that. I just want to break free of these feelings...

Thank you so much for your kind words and for letting me know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

It's so wonderful there's a place like this.

[avlady]

Yes you can get over this, it is hard to do too but you can with time, you never know that other special person could be right around the corner, just take it slow if you have to.

[gayleggg]

I've been where you are. Boy it hurts but you are moving forward and the thoughts will come less and less as time goes by. Just give yourself time to heal. It does get better.

Originally Posted by Nat92

So, in about 2 weeks it'll be 5 months since my ex left me and I haven't exactly gotten any wiser.

As someone who always helps others, gives the advice that aids them with moving on and getting better - but never taking it myself.

I come to you guys, seeking help.

We spoke a bit after the break up, but it didn't last because I wouldn't be able to move on while staying in contact, so I left him a long message explaining why and deleted him, removed him, blocked him from everything.

This is about 3 months ago and until a few days ago, I was doing OK. I was moving on or trying to, taking my mind off things but I still missed him and still do miss him.

I get these periods, where a memory somewhat completely overtakes me, I feel it reply, I feel what I felt in that moment and it's nice but scary too. A kiss, I feel as if it just happened and I get the butterflies and everything...

I don't know where it comes from, because I feel that I'm in no way suppressing these feelings. I don't think about him all the time, I can focus on something else.

I feel more than ready to move on, but it's like my heart doesn't want to.

I fear I may be on my way to become one of those crazy ex's who's in denial and who tries to keep holding onto the past.

I don't want to turn crazy.

And I'm starting to realize that a part of me may be holding onto an old picture of my ex, that the last day I visited him, may have been the day he knew he was going to leave me and that he didn't love me anymore.

And I lived in this illusion of what we were.

I just really fear that I'm turning myself into this insane ex.

I'm not wanting to contact him, but I miss him.

How can I move on? I'm really trying, so so so hard.

You've used the words "insane" a couple times in your post. My question to you is why are you convinced that missing someone and having a hard time moving on equates to insanity?

I'm here to tell you that it doesn't at all come to that. Being alone after a relationship, especially a long term one will have residual effects that tend to remain for awhile and yes, the memories, the feelings will come up from time to time. Thing is you may be doing well and something may trigger, remind you of something to do with the ex and you'll get stuck thinking about it. We are emotional creatures and driven by our senses. A scent, a feeling a visual picture may conjure up things years after a break up that just make us reminisce about that. There is nothing wrong with it and on top of that you won't be able to wipe out this person 100% from your mind. Give up on that idea becuase, it WILL NOT HAPPEN. Unless you suffer from amnesia of some sort, our memories are built on good and bad things in our lives and there is no easy way to wipe specific memories from our brains.

So what to do? Accept it. missing him, does not necessarily mean you're insane, wishing it turned out better and never happened is natural. Dwelling on it and letting it immobilize you will be bad for you though. So the distinction here is accept the memories as good ones, observe it, appreciate it and then... just let it go. It's a passing moment.

I get the feeling that if you are having trouble and feeling stuck this is where the problem lies, you're reminded of soemthing of the past with him, and you ruminate, dwell on it and it in turn spirals you into depression, anger, sadness or what not. Try to just do what I mentioned above and don't keep thinking about it or you will drive yourself nuts.

[brainhi]

I understand how hard it is. It took me about 1.5 years not to miss him soooo much. We did not really end on bad terms - but he wanted to date others. I did not get the chance to resent him over the years and he was a great friend so getting over him was really hard. I tried to hold onto the friendship....too hard. After almost 2 years....I am able to talk with him and I do not view him in the same way. I romantic thoughts stopped coming a while back...plus I do not see that "man" I fell for anymore..he changed and I am sure I did to. But I can say...to date... I loved him like no other.

Hang in there. It is like a death. I'm sure you are handling this in a "normal" way...and if not...who cares what anyone else thinks (unless you want to hurt yourself or if you hang in depression too long - you can reach out for help)...it's your life...it's your heart.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by brainhi

I understand how hard it is. It took me about 1.5 years not to miss him soooo much. We did not really end on bad terms - but he wanted to date others. I did not get the chance to resent him over the years and he was a great friend so getting over him was really hard. I tried to hold onto the friendship....too hard. After almost 2 years....I am able to talk with him and I do not view him in the same way. I romantic thoughts stopped coming a while back...plus I do not see that "man" I fell for anymore..he changed and I am sure I did to. But I can say...to date... I loved him like no other.

Hang in there. It is like a death. I'm sure you are handling this in a "normal" way...and if not...who cares what anyone else thinks (unless you want to hurt yourself or if you hang in depression too long - you can reach out for help)...it's your life...it's your heart.

Beautifully said, brainhi....and I agree with all of it, including the bit about 'loving like no other'. I know, for myself I'll get to the part where he won't wound me anymore....I'm getting closer every day, in spite of the stumbles, sometimes. But I know what you mean.

I loved him like no other.

[Nat92]

Thank you so much everybody. You're all right in what you say and I guess I'm just really stressing myself over the whole thing and that I keep pushing myself and backing away.

Perhaps I was a bit too quick to just move on and not allowing myself to heal naturally, not allowing myself to "mourn" - because yes, it is a loss like death, I guess.

This guy, I invested 4 years of my life in - sure he did give me a reason, but he didn't explain it at all, so I'm just full of questions and concerns and worries and doubts... And it's an endless circle I sometimes feel stuck in, because I feel that I've been misunderstood, that he didn't understand what I meant and what I felt.

God knows I loved and still love that guy to pieces, because to me, I felt like I had found my soul-mate, we were beyond amazing together, when I allowed myself to be happy.

The problem was me, I couldn't let go of the past, of my hatred towards myself and my fears and it ruined everything for me and him. But now, now that I've been working so hard on myself to be better, to let go - he's not there and it just makes me so sad.

I feel like I've won a war but there's no one waiting for me to return home.

He was my best friend, my only true friend, my soul-mate and the love of my life.

And he's gone.

But I know I can't just stop living, I'm still alive and I have to remain so, I have to live on.

[brainhi]

Originally Posted by Nat92

Thank you so much everybody. You're all right in what you say and I guess I'm just really stressing myself over the whole thing and that I keep pushing myself and backing away.

Perhaps I was a bit too quick to just move on and not allowing myself to heal naturally, not allowing myself to "mourn" - because yes, it is a loss like death, I guess.

This guy, I invested 4 years of my life in - sure he did give me a reason, but he didn't explain it at all, so I'm just full of questions and concerns and worries and doubts... And it's an endless circle I sometimes feel stuck in, because I feel that I've been misunderstood, that he didn't understand what I meant and what I felt.

God knows I loved and still love that guy to pieces, because to me, I felt like I had found my soul-mate, we were beyond amazing together, when I allowed myself to be happy.

The problem was me, I couldn't let go of the past, of my hatred towards myself and my fears and it ruined everything for me and him. But now, now that I've been working so hard on myself to be better, to let go - he's not there and it just makes me so sad.

I feel like I've won a war but there's no one waiting for me to return home.

He was my best friend, my only true friend, my soul-mate and the love of my life.

And he's gone.

But I know I can't just stop living, I'm still alive and I have to remain so, I have to live on.

One thing that helped me was having a career that I am passionate about. That helped fill the hole. Not saying you have to find passion in your work...but find your passion for something - may not have to be another person.

I really understand everything you are writing about.
My x boy met me when I was sooooo down. I am much better and guess that is not interesting enough for him anymore - after 7 years. I thought, wow - I'm so much better and I get to share this with a great guy I adored...I did not get the chance.

I promise you that you will start feeling better everyday...you will grieve less and less.

[Nat92]

Originally Posted by brainhi

One thing that helped me was having a career that I am passionate about. That helped fill the hole. Not saying you have to find passion in your work...but find your passion for something - may not have to be another person.

I really understand everything you are writing about.
My x boy met me when I was sooooo down. I am much better and guess that is not interesting enough for him anymore - after 7 years. I thought, wow - I'm so much better and I get to share this with a great guy I adored...I did not get the chance.

I promise you that you will start feeling better everyday...you will grieve less and less.

Thank you so so so much and you're so right. I started painting a bit again and I feel like I can actually pick up the brush and sit there for hours.

It's so nice that you're all so understanding and supportive, thank you.

[Mapleburn15]

I can understand every bit of what you have written. I was in a relationship for three years. I was emotionally abused. This person was an ambitious egotistical , narcissistic, sociopath. He put me through great misery and lo and behold one day he just cut all ties with me...the irony being it was I who had every reason to end the relationship...
And though I should be glad it's over yet it hurts so much and even though the good moments were so few and far between I really think of them and miss them. It will take a while. I find that getting my mind on other things does help... Yes it does come back to me unexpectedly right in the midst of it all but I just hope it will go away after some time. The irony is that my ex has moved on and is doing pretty well for himself. I first felt pretty devastated by that news but today I try to use that as a weapon to move on better. It's been six months and I am still counting....

[Preshylala]

Thanks evry one am so happy to finally find a related situation as mine,and am happy 2 hear all answers on this page.the problem is that i have tried evrything here and even the slightest thought of having to stay wit this untrollable feelings forever?it makes me want to just drive a drug into my stomach and just sleep off forever cos believe me people i'v have been trying to get her out of my heard for long,i got a job to get busy,i try as much as possible to have a social life,but it impossible this thing is shutting me down people and i need serious help with it,i cant see,watch or read aboout a love story without thinking of how it cud have bin with her,at the same time i cant fight to get her back cos it has been more than a year and the feeling of rejection could possibly just send me forever into a solitary world forever,i dont mingle with my friends anymore like before bcos of this war inside,i am hard in emotions to other girls who come closer to me,the only to person i feel love with now is my baby mother and baby sister who i named after my ex,everything is just so hurting me.plsssssssz wot can i doooooo

[brainhi]

Originally Posted by Preshylala

Thanks evry one am so happy to finally find a related situation as mine,and am happy 2 hear all answers on this page.the problem is that i have tried evrything here and even the slightest thought of having to stay wit this untrollable feelings forever?it makes me want to just drive a drug into my stomach and just sleep off forever cos believe me people i'v have been trying to get her out of my heard for long,i got a job to get busy,i try as much as possible to have a social life,but it impossible this thing is shutting me down people and i need serious help with it,i cant see,watch or read aboout a love story without thinking of how it cud have bin with her,at the same time i cant fight to get her back cos it has been more than a year and the feeling of rejection could possibly just send me forever into a solitary world forever,i dont mingle with my friends anymore like before bcos of this war inside,i am hard in emotions to other girls who come closer to me,the only to person i feel love with now is my baby mother and baby sister who i named after my ex,everything is just so hurting me.plsssssssz wot can i doooooo

"it has been more than a year".....

Sometimes you need to find outside support to get through this transition. If time is not helping - you have to learn how to get better. Being here and writing about it to others that understand is helpful as well. There is no easy answer but it appears that this is taking a huge toll on your life.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by Nat92

So, in about 2 weeks it'll be 5 months since my ex left me and I haven't exactly gotten any wiser.

As someone who always helps others, gives the advice that aids them with moving on and getting better - but never taking it myself.

I come to you guys, seeking help.

We spoke a bit after the break up, but it didn't last because I wouldn't be able to move on while staying in contact, so I left him a long message explaining why and deleted him, removed him, blocked him from everything.

This is about 3 months ago and until a few days ago, I was doing OK. I was moving on or trying to, taking my mind off things but I still missed him and still do miss him.

I get these periods, where a memory somewhat completely overtakes me, I feel it reply, I feel what I felt in that moment and it's nice but scary too. A kiss, I feel as if it just happened and I get the butterflies and everything...

I don't know where it comes from, because I feel that I'm in no way suppressing these feelings. I don't think about him all the time, I can focus on something else.

I feel more than ready to move on, but it's like my heart doesn't want to.

I fear I may be on my way to become one of those crazy ex's who's in denial and who tries to keep holding onto the past.

I don't want to turn crazy.

And I'm starting to realize that a part of me may be holding onto an old picture of my ex, that the last day I visited him, may have been the day he knew he was going to leave me and that he didn't love me anymore.

And I lived in this illusion of what we were.

I just really fear that I'm turning myself into this insane ex.

I'm not wanting to contact him, but I miss him.

How can I move on? I'm really trying, so so so hard.

I know how you feel. It's been 9 months since my ex broke up with me. We dated for 8 months and since we split, we've spoken and hung out. I thought I could handle being friends but really, I wasn't being honest with myself. Only now I realize that my worst fear has come true: he's seeing someone new. There's nothing I can do or say. It's happened to me before where guys have moved on to someone new but they didn't mean much to me as this person does. I've moved on but still hold on to those memories. I feel so numb and humiliated. The last time we spoke was almost a month ago and since then I've not said a word to him and I really have no urge to contact him for anything. I think of him more than I care to admit but it doesn't do much. This quote sums up everything that I've felt:

"Sometimes our mind knows exactly what the truth is but our heart keeps persuading us that it is not true. We tend to trick ourselves into believing what we want to believe, what we hope to be true. Then until that one person tells the truth directly to your face, your feelings just get hurt so bad...by what you already know. Then you collapse. The truth itself is difficult to handle but the truth from that one person who you wish would tell you otherwise is the worst."

Good luck to you, Nat92.