[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I'm interested how it has gone with you. Are you in a similar or same situation, and if yes, how is it going with you?

For me to get my story out, it would divulge too much personal info, and take too long, but the nutshell is:

I've recently started talking to an ex of mine from I think 6 years ago. It was OK at first, then got rocky when she started digging up the past again. It has just recently settled down again, as we got some stuff said. I think she just had a lot of stuff she needed to get off her chest, which she previously didn't have much of a chance to do because I wanted nothing to do with her.

In a way, it's nice to let go some of that hate, but it's most definitely not forgiveness; it's really just time... almost feel a bit lighter, though. I loathed her for a long time, but as time goes on, it fades and I guess I'm at the indifference stage, ... not sure.

I keep her at a significant distance; we only talk online, despite her insistence on wanting to meet up. I sense a meet coming up at some point... I know I don't want that; I'm not sure how to even deal with that. She seems to have this idea that's it's perfectly fine to be contacting your exes and hanging out with them, even though she's married with a kid... sorry, guys, but it seems a tad strange to me. Her husband knows and apparently doesn't care, as long as she's happy, which in itself is a little disconcerting.

Any advice for me?

[hvert]

Hmmmm, are you getting any kind of gut reaction on this one? I am reading subtle signs in your post that you don't trust this woman, but maybe that is just me.

I have remained friends or maybe just on friendly terms with some exes - but not the ones that I felt treated me poorly. I would stick with indifference and reduce the friendship aspect of this one, personally. You broke up for a reason, right? Why is she contacting you and going over old history when she's married with a kid?

I guess I'm not really qualified to answer your original question, though, as I haven't reconnected with someone I loathed.

[healingme4me]

Makes you wonder why her husband is fine with it?

If it's starting to feel like a pressure to eventually reconnect and *aww, isn't this great we can be just friends*thing(that's with emphasis on perky), and you just don't want to. Is just cutting ties now, an option?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Is just cutting ties now, an option?

Not without an earache from her and my feeling guilty for some obscure reason. Think seem to be going OK, though, at least since she got some stuff off her chest.

My gut reaction, previously, was to just leave her the heck alone, as with all of the muppets I used to hang around with. Six years have passed, though. Maybe she's not as evil as I've led myself to believe? (rhetorical)

Yeah, definitely broke up for good reasons, a couple of times, actually.

Why is she contacting you and going over old history when she's married with a kid?

Exactly what baffles my folks 'n' I; they seem to think she still has "feelings" for me, but if she's gunning for that boat, it sailed a long time ago. 'o.O I think maybe she just wants to get back an old friend... we were friends before we got together... sort of. Believe it or not, I actually hated her until I got to know her a bit better. My dad said it was "a spark"; I would often rant about her to him and he'd just laugh as though he knew something was gonna happen. ¬_¬

At the end of the day, I'm not exactly swimming in people (other than family and support workers, of course xD)... I have a mate, locally, like a brother, but he's still a town away (50 minute bus-ride) and I have social anxiety to contend with. Maybe it's nice to have someone else in my life that gives a damn, it's just a shame it comes with a megaton of baggage.

[KathyM]

It sounds to me she has something missing in her marriage and wants to use you to fill that void - be it emotional or physical. If it's an innocent friendship, it would include her husband and kid. Would you want to become friends with her husband and kid? If so, go ahead with the meet up - but insist she bring her husband and kid. If she insists on meeting you alone, you'd just be playing the part of the "other man." If you don't mind playing that role, be sure her husband really is okay with the idea of his wife having "friends" outside of the marriage. If not, she (and her husband) might give you even more reason to loathe her.

Good luck!

[silver tree]

I was good friends with an ex for a while. I think that if you can both take responsibility for what happened and leave the past where it should be, there is no reason why you can't be friends again. I found that actually we were really close as friends as we shared so much (good and bad) when we were together and that we knew each other really well because of all that.

The thing that troubles me with your situation is that you don't seem to want to be friends really? You also don't seem to have truly got over all that happened? If you can embrace and laugh off what went wrong then you have a good chance of being close imo. If you can't then this is just going to dig up old hurt that no one needs.

I hope things work out for you x

[IrisBloom]

I foresee trouble in your future. (No I'm not psychic, just observant ) If I was married and my hubby wanted to re-connect with an old girlfriend, I would not be happy about it. If you both were co-workers, or had mutual friends, I could see wanting to stay in touch, as you had other reasons to be in each other's company. I am one to want to hang on to people as I get very sad when I feel a connection with someone and they leave my life. However....no matter how involved I feel with someone in a romantic relationship, when it's over, that's it. No facebook, calls, email, nothing. It hurts at first, but I think keeping the person on the periphery of your life is just inviting future problems.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Thanks for the awesome replies, guys. I'll have a go at a proper reply, later, as I can't really think, at the moment. Appreciate the advice.

[hvert]

And there's nothing wrong with taking it step by step to see where it leads and how you feel about things later on. It sounds like you are walking into this possible new friendship with your eyes wide open as opposed to blindly taking her at her word.