Hi guys,

I think I've posted before about a girl that I really loved very much (still do actually), and I guess I'm just trying to figure out things after a long period of nothing but silence.

So, I've been in love with this great girl, but I don't think she thinks about me that way, or I don't know, initially when we were still in each other's presence she did always smile at me (before she knew me) and did sometimes touch me once we were friends. We were alone at times and she did show some things, but what was confusing was that she was doing this with me at the same time that she was starting to form a relationship with another guy.

She dated and was dumped by that guy in her home city (1000 miles from me) long after we parted ways and I think it hurt her. Hell, it hurt me just knowing that she was hurting .

Anyway, after much depression and missing her, I decided to tell her I loved her and sent her a message. At first she didn't respond for about a week and then I said to her that I was sorry, I think I went too far and asked her if she can forgive me and please not be angry with me. She then answered and said the following:

- She has someone special in her life
- She was not angry at me
- She was caught off-guard by my message

And, she ended it there. I messaged her again, saying again that I was sorry and I realized that she would be with someone special because she is so amazing and that I wish all the best for her and her relationship, and that she is always happy in everything of hers. I asked her a question, I actually forget now what it was, but I remember I did ask her something.

This was in 2012. To this day she has never answered me again or spoken to me ever again. We used to chat occasionally just before I did my love message thing. I still have no idea how she feels about me, whether she ever liked me or if she ever wishes to speak to me again.

So, I guess, what I would just like to know is, should I try and reach out to her again? What if she really doesn't want to talk to me, and is still mad at me. She says she wasn't mad at me, but from where I'm sitting it looks like she still is.

Can I be so hideous and unlovable that this poor girl can't even face one more text from me for the rest of time, till they bury me? I can't understand what I did wrong. OK, maybe I should've said something back in 2011 when we were still in the class together, but I thought she was dating that other guy. I thought she was off-limits.

I wish I could just speak to her again, I love her so much, and miss her so much . I've never felt this way about anyone. She is so amazing.

After my cock-up, I deleted her number because I said to myself I screwed up and I mustn't call her again because it's going to be like stalking. How can I be such a horrible person to her and get everything so wrong?

[~Christina]

Things just didnt align for you two , your not hideous or anything.. Time passed and you reached out in 2012 and her response wasnt what you wanted , Im sorry that happened. Life goes on and you need to be an active part of it so you dont miss the chance of meeting a wonderful young lady that could be the one.

Have faith in yourself

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Things just didnt align for you two , your not hideous or anything.. Time passed and you reached out in 2012 and her response wasnt what you wanted , Im sorry that happened. Life goes on and you need to be an active part of it so you dont miss the chance of meeting a wonderful young lady that could be the one.

Have faith in yourself

But, does that mean I can never speak to her again? That'll break my heart from the start again. I don't understand what I did wrong, why does she hate me so much for what I did? I have to figure this out, otherwise the same thing is just going to happen with the next girl I meet.

Also, after doing some reading up on how girls act around a guy they like, I can remember her doing some of those things with me, but as I say, I can't understand why she did that when she was beginning to date that other guy. Why would she flirt with me if she was almost romantically involved with someone else?

I don't think she hates you. I think maybe she didn't know what to do.

Coming from my own perspective if someone were to say they loved me and I did not return the sentiment I would be very uncomfortable around them after. Especially if it hadn't entered my mind that they could feel that way about me.

I would find myself monitoring everything I said and did trying to make sure I wasn't leading them on or sending mixed signals.

I would probably avoid them to save myself the effort and them the pain of having to deal with my distance.

OK, I also just want to work out if I got things right the way I saw it. Can someone maybe explain what it means when she did/does the following things:

1. Before she knew me, she smiled at me and insisted on greeting me. Let's say she sat in front of me in another row of seats. She would then keep looking around until she caught my eyes and then she would smile and say hello.

2. Once she knew me well, she would randomly begin telling me stuff that happened in her life and it's stuff I know she wouldn't tell someone else, because some of it was really private and not something that would make you look cool.

3. There was a two week period in about August 2011 where she seemed really friendly with me and touched me on the arms regularly, and this one Friday night I had to stay behind to do some work in the laboratory, and guess who decided right there and then to stay behind also and do some lab-work that evening? I also touched her many times afterwards and she seemed to like it/was OK with it.

You see, I was listening to the other people in my class who were saying the whole time that she and that other guy were going out. Maybe she wasn't really into that guy and was trying a last effort (August 2011) just to see if she could connect with me, a guy that she maybe liked all along. They had a really short relationship in 2012 and she broke up with him, from what I heard. I thought she was off-limits and so I backed-off. Maybe I should've "stolen" her away. I'm just not that kind of guy, I would never do something like that, but now it looks like I should've. That other guy clearly just messed with her, thinking back he was a real player and cocky guy, ungentlemanly and the sort of guy that just messes with girls, no matter who they are. Maybe by the time I contacted her, she was so over all of it, she just didn't want to know about it anymore.

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

I don't think she hates you. I think maybe she didn't know what to do.

Coming from my own perspective if someone were to say they loved me and I did not return the sentiment I would be very uncomfortable around them after. Especially if it hadn't entered my mind that they could feel that way about me.

I would find myself monitoring everything I said and did trying to make sure I wasn't leading them on or sending mixed signals.

I would probably avoid them to save myself the effort and them the pain of having to deal with my distance.

Oh no, so it means I actually hurt her more than anything else ? I feel like such a bad person, that's the last thing I wanted to do . It's true isn't it - everything I ever do I screw up. I always knew that now I see it's true .

Thanks for your input, it means a lot. It seems I really messed everything up.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Sorry, dude... looks like it's a no-go there. She even said someone special in her life, not just someone, but someone special; that extra word kinda seals the deal, IMO. And her not contacting you all that time, and her short reply... nah, I'm sorry, but if she's into you, she's got one weird-*** way of showing it. Best thing you can do is let go; this might be something that has held you back for a while. Mind you, I could be wrong, but my gut tells me that one is a no go.

By the way, you did nothing wrong, so far as I can see. You had feelings for someone, expressed them, got shot down, ... end of story. You did nothing wrong. First time I thought I really loved a girl, ... I didn't, it was just a stupid crush; I was just experiencing more adult feelings for the first time that I didn't understand; I think they were mostly sexual mixed with the caring of a friend, so I guess I was confused; she turned out to be a giant female dog and a drama Queen; not my idea of the perfect woman.

[hvert]

Stop blaming yourself.

Romantic attraction is a strange beast and very uncontrolled. You couldn't control your feelings about this girl - even though she is not interested in you romantically anymore, you still think about her that way even though it would make sense to stop -- so even though it might 'make sense' for her to be interested in you, she isn't.

She may have been interested for a moment, she may not have. Sometimes flirting happens while someone is trying to figure out whether or not they want to take it a step further.

Since this all happened two years ago and she has not contacted you since, it would be better to assume that she is not interested in you at this point.

I also think that Bete Noire's interpretation is right. I have done that when people I thought were friends confessed that they were attracted to me romantically. I really worry about leading people on in those situations.

No, Not hurt. Maybe confused.

It's just as likely that she is trying not to hurt you by encouraging something further.

[Alone & confused]

I don't know.....I'm a hopeless romantic! The man I'm with now I had thought I missed my chance with, and then several YEARS later we ran into each other by chance, and we've been together ever since. I never, in my life, until that day, thought I'd ever get that opportunity, but it did. I could have just walked away without getting his phone number that day, but I took a chance. It took me awhile to get up the nerve to call him, but I was glad I did. You'll never know if you don't try. But if you do decide to try again, PLEASE make sure you're emotionally stable enough to handle whatever her response may be! Is there any way you could do a little "recon"first? Someone you both know that you could casually ask "have you seen "her" lately? How's she doing? " and just see if things worked out with this guy before you proceed? I don't want to encourage you to do anything that will set you up to get your heart broke, but

at the same time I don't want to discourage you either, because like I said, you never can tell! I've had my share of "someone specials " that didn't work out! Best of luck in whatever you decide to do! I wish you peace, love, and all the best!

[lilypup]

I vote for the "leave it alone" crowd. She could have contacted you if she wanted to. She could be married and have two kids by now.
Honestly, if you contacted me again after I said "no thanks", it would feel a bit stalkerish.
Now if by some chance you meet her later and she gives her phone number, then you're good. But I seriously doubt that will happen.

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

Sorry, dude... looks like it's a no-go there. She even said someone special in her life, not just someone, but someone special; that extra word kinda seals the deal, IMO. And her not contacting you all that time, and her short reply... nah, I'm sorry, but if she's into you, she's got one weird-*** way of showing it. Best thing you can do is let go; this might be something that has held you back for a while. Mind you, I could be wrong, but my gut tells me that one is a no go.

By the way, you did nothing wrong, so far as I can see. You had feelings for someone, expressed them, got shot down, ... end of story. You did nothing wrong. First time I thought I really loved a girl, ... I didn't, it was just a stupid crush; I was just experiencing more adult feelings for the first time that I didn't understand; I think they were mostly sexual mixed with the caring of a friend, so I guess I was confused; she turned out to be a giant female dog and a drama Queen; not my idea of the perfect woman.

Thanks guys, yeah I guess I've got to suck it up and just let it go, but I've always been a weak person (probably why no girls go for me anyway) who struggles to get over things. I've tried for 2 years to get over her, but no luck as yet, she "comes back" every time I think she's "finally gone".

Originally Posted by lilypup

I vote for the "leave it alone" crowd. She could have contacted you if she wanted to. She could be married and have two kids by now.
Honestly, if you contacted me again after I said "no thanks", it would feel a bit stalkerish.
Now if by some chance you meet her later and she gives her phone number, then you're good. But I seriously doubt that will happen.

I'm never going to bump into her again I don't think. We live too far apart.

"Married and two kids" - I've got to admit, just reading that is like a hard punch in the stomach , so too "she would've contacted you by now if she wanted to". Oww, that hurts so much to hear it for real .

Stalker - yep, that's why I deleted her number from my phone because I didn't want to be one. I love her so much I don't want to hurt or scare her, I'll rather leave her alone, even if it really hurts me.

BTW, I can only imagine how beautiful her children will/must be (if she has some already), because she really is.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Here's a thought... you may have actually developed false/confused feelings for her because you feel as though she's the only woman you have ever had a chance with... perhaps it's simply human survival instinct to want to pair up with the only woman you feel is viable. Thing is, if I'm right, you should know that she is not the only woman... in-fact, she is no longer viable; she may never have been viable.

It does sting, ... when I found out my last ex was married, it stung like a female dog, but these things happen and you have to just move on from it; no other choice.

Clinging onto these feelings is unhealthy for you. It gets easier over time, provided you're not still clinging on to something that isn't even there. Do you really love her? Or do you just love the idea of being with someone? I'd really think about it, if you haven't done so already.

Misguided feelings are messy, but once acknowledged, they can leave as quick as they came, at least in my experience.

I strongly suspect that this is what has been holding you back from moving on. Other women may have sensed it.

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

Here's a thought... you may have actually developed false/confused feelings for her because you feel as though she's the only woman you have ever had a chance with... perhaps it's simply human survival instinct to want to pair up with the only woman you feel is viable. Thing is, if I'm right, you should know that she is not the only woman... in-fact, she is no longer viable; she may never have been viable.

It does sting, ... when I found out my last ex was married, it stung like a female dog, but these things happen and you have to just move on from it; no other choice.

Clinging onto these feelings is unhealthy for you. It gets easier over time, provided you're not still clinging on to something that isn't even there. Do you really love her? Or do you just love the idea of being with someone? I'd really think about it, if you haven't done so already.

Misguided feelings are messy, but once acknowledged, they can leave as quick as they came, at least in my experience.

I strongly suspect that this is what has been holding you back from moving on. Other women may have sensed it.

You know, I totally see what you are saying, I mean, I really wish it was that simple though. I've tried convincing myself that it wasn't love, that I'm just a monster, that I don't feel love, or that she's just like any other or that it was just a stupid crush or whatever. But, I promise, it really isn't like that.

She wasn't the only woman I figured I had a chance with. In fact, I would say if other girls are "easy" for me, she would be "difficult". She is one of the more sought after girls, not the type you just pick up in bars and clubs and stuff. She was the least viable in that sense, if I'm understanding you correctly. What I'm saying is, I didn't "choose" to pursue her because she was the only one I thought I had a chance with. That is not how I look at it when looking for a girlfriend, how easy she is or how much of a chance I stand with her.

You're very right. But, that is immediately where I differ from other people all together. You see, I've never been afraid of getting old alone, it's not something that bothers me. In fact, I always kind of relished the idea, being myself and independent till the day I die. But, I didn't choose to meet her, and I didn't choose to fall in love with her, it just happened. You must remember, I was the sort of guy that never cared about having a girlfriend or anything, right throughout high school and university. I don't care about this girl because I seek a loved one or something, trust me, if I never met her, I would be just as happy as before. I am a monster, I have very little feeling and very little care in the world for anything, I admit. But, she came into my life, just randomly, by accident and feelings developed, with no effort on my part at all. It was not something I seeked, as I said before I would prefer to be alone, I like it. But, now that I've "tasted" what love COULD be like, I miss it and want it in my life. Can you now see why I only care about her? Remember, I said that I was very abnormal and that I did not seek human companionship like all other people do. This was just a person I really fell in love with for some reason (her qualities).

I am an otherwise feeling-less monster, there's no doubt about it. I don't even have Facebook, Twitter or any real life friends for that matter. I AM a lone ranger that walks in life alone, there's no doubt about it. I've never asked for anything, never wanted anything, and still don't to this day, you can ask my parents if you don't believe me. If they didn't give me stuff out of their own when I was a child, I would have never have had anything. I don't care for ANYTHING, unlike other people. But, you ask then why do I care so much for this girl and want her? I really don't know, it's guess it's because even monsters need love eventually or something or like to be shown a little attention now and then, IDK. She just impacted me deeply, and was able to break all the walls around my heart of stone cold ice, and then when she got in there, she was able to melt that too with her incredible warmth.

I've asked myself that a million times - do I REALLY love her? Sometimes I even say NO! I HATE her! Just to see if I can't jolt myself into thinking another way. None of it lasts long, when I look again, this big monster is sitting crying over her and crying over missing her, in a pathetic little heap. How the hell can a little 5 foot something dainty little blonde girl with a soft sweet little voice bring such a big fearsome beast to tears? It's truly incredible.

So, to answer, misguided feelings? If only, that would be so much easier to deal with. I wish it was just a holiday romance or sexual thing I have for her. No, it's deep, really deep feelings I feel for her. Why? How? IDK. I can't have another girlfriend or whatever because I feel nothing for other girls, I don't care for any of them, she's the only one I care about, because she's different somehow. I don't know why or how, but she is.

[~Christina]

Keep in mind a break up or the loss of a possible relationship is often not closed up with a bow on top of it.

You can either let this situation be just a memory in the past or continue your unhealthy non relationship with her. You need to get back out there an meet other people that you could have a real relationship with.

Just my opinion of course. I wish you luck in whatever you decide

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Keep in mind a break up or the loss of a possible relationship is often not closed up with a bow on top of it.

You can either let this situation be just a memory in the past or continue your unhealthy non relationship with her. You need to get back out there an meet other people that you could have a real relationship with.

Just my opinion of course. I wish you luck in whatever you decide

I've been thinking again. Maybe I thought of her in too much of a high position. I keep thinking she is amazing and great, and so beautiful, but after all, she is just human, not a goddess. I think I overestimated her a bit, and I think looks can be deceiving too.

[Trippin2.0]

WRT your thread title, I don't see that there's anything there for you to fix.

You had a friend, you developed feelings for her, you told her about your feelings, she shot you down, and in the past few years hasn't bothered to reach out to you.

I think you're right, sounds like you put her on a pedestal, she's human too and without knowing someone intimately, which includes their faults, its easy to do so with the object of our desire.

Time for you to move forward and close this chapter as looking back in this manner can hinder you greatly. But that's just my opinion...