[emmmaa]

I'm going to try to make this short!

Around 2 months ago i began speaking to a guy on twitter. (he's 28, i'm 20). He is in a small band, so we began speaking after i listened to their music. We chatted for hours that night and exchanged numbers a few days later. We began texting every night, he would inititiate it.

It was friendly for around the first 3 weeks, then it became flirty, quickly turning sexual. I didn't feel uncomfortable in the slightest. We began sexting a lot, he sent me some photos, i never sent anything back, he never asked or hinted. We also shared a lot of personal stuff, he told me stuff about his life (if it was true) and i shared stuff about mine. It was going great up until about 2 weeks ago.

We hadn't spoken in a few days, so i sent him a quick text, which he replied, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't flirty or sexual, strictly friendly. After that, if i wanted to speak, i had to contact him. It seemed he had lost interest.

I decided that i was just going to leave it, not contact him texting or on social media, but unfortunately i sent him a text while i was drunk. It wasn't anything too bad, just that he was brilliant to talk to. I sent a quick text regarding that the next morning, which he ignored. It's imessage so it lets me know.

Basically, I've spoke to a friend in real life about this who seems to think that he only began speaking to me because i was anti-social, and that he was pretty much just using me for the sex talk, hoping i would meet up with him. As harsh as it is, there's a part of me that believes this.

We stay about 6 hours away from each other, so it's not that far. At the beginning, he was extremely nice to me, picking up on things about me, my self esteem and such. He even went on my profile a lot, favorited things, obviously so it would alert me.

The fact is, his band will play a gig here eventually.

If i don't contact him on social media, text him and just continue posting on mine as if things are normal, is that the best option?

I hate the feeling that if this is true, he's just threw me away and now he's moving on to some other young girl, who unfortunately might actually meet up with him. I may have low self esteem but i won't put up with any of that. Of course, sending an angry text isn't the best option.

I may be completely wrong about him

Any advice? Be as blunt as possible. Thank you

[kaliope]

hi emmmaa
well you don't say anything about him asking to meet up with you and you refusing, so it is hard to say that this would be a reason for him losing interest. the fact is though, he did lose interest for some reason and he probably wont explain it or he would have already. that makes him a bad guy in my books for not explaining why he was dropping off the face of the earth all of a sudden. he obviously wasn't getting what he wanted from you. you say you weren't sending pics back which is probably what he wanted from you, that would have indicated you were a risk taker and someone that interested him. that would be my guess. be careful who you hook up with in the future. take care. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I'm tired, so I dunno whether what I'm gonna say is gonna make any sense.

I'm already suspicious because you met on Twitter and quickly went to this "sexting" and how he sent a picture of himself (presumably explicit); not the actions of a man with some ... I dunno how to put it... self-respect? Nah, maybe that's too harsh... I dunno, ... it just doesn't seem very... um... agh, I dunno.

There's a chance he saw you as a groupie, said what was needed, and got what he wanted... that's the harsh possibility. But hey, if you had a laugh as well, fair enough, if not... well, it's done now, and you've learned from it.

he was pretty much just using me for the sex talk, hoping i would meet up with him. As harsh as it is, there's a part of me that believes this.

Honestly, it's very likely, IMO.

[SnakeCharmer]

He didn't try to get you to send him explicit pictures of yourself, didn't even hint, and he didn't try to set up a meeting IRL. So, what it looks like to me is that he was playing, having fun, enjoying your company, including the flirting and sexting.

I don't know how far you went with the sex talk, but you didn't send pictures and he didn't try to get you to send pictures, so I don't really think he was "just using you." If he was one of those totaly creepizoid types, he would have been pressuring you for naked photos and more. Maybe he's just a flirt and player who enjoyed your company for a while.

But he's moved on, just like guys will do in real life. They like you one minute and the next minute they like someone else. It's probably in your best interest to just back away from him. If he's interested, he'll be in touch. If he doesn't respond, doesn't even open your messages, then you know it's over. You didn't say how old you are and how old he is. If you're still under 18 and he's at least two years older than you, it would really be best to stay as far way from him as possible. Too risky.

I'm sorry you've had this bad experience. I'm glad you didn't send any explicit pictures and didn't meet in person. He's moved on and it's time for you to do the same.

[healingme4me]

I'm not a fan of the notion that as people we are 'thrown away' nor discarded. That being said, this went on for a couple of months. He clearly has something against confrontation, otherwise he'd come out and stated why he's moved on? Then again, six hours to you, might not seem much, to some men, six hours is too much distance.

Gut says, move past this as you stated. I don't feel it's anything really to do with you, as a person.

[hvert]

I am not clear on what you think he was using you for? It sounds like you had a fun few weeks of flirting, but it never developed into anything more-- maybe if you lived in the same town you could have gone on some dates. Since you don't, I am not sure where else this could have gone.

[emmmaa]

The sexting went as far as it could go possibly go, really. We continued speaking for about a month after that, chatting that way every few nights. My problem currently is; i really do like his bands music, and i'm not sure if it will make me seem...desperate if i still continue liking the bands statuses and things of that nature. I feel like that is 'begging' him to speak to me since he's active online.

Thanks for your reply though, trying not to let this bother me!

[~Christina]

Your worried about "liking" his music on Facebook ? Or am I way off base? If I am correct and your worried that if you "like" a status that it could make you look like you are begging for him to speak to you .. Simple solution .... Dont click a little tab that says "like" .

[lilypup]

My advice? Stay away from this guy on FB and every where else. Don't think of contacting him. My guess is he found someone more to his liking for whatever reason.

[ds5156]

this reminds me of my bipolar ex friend when she was manic she would get super dirty like you describe its a symptom called hyper sexuality i am not saying this guy is but it is a possibility i recommend you read up on the actual symptoms for it if all the symptoms describe the way he behaves well that's how i figured it out with her and it helped me out a lot to learn about it

[ChipperMonkey]

I don't see anything in what you've said that indicates that he was using you. Most relationships fail, and since you two were 6 hours away from each other, he may have thought that it wasn't worth pursuing for that reason alone. I wouldn't think too much about it. The truth is that you will never know what was going on with him. Maybe the relationship between you just ran its course. Maybe he met someone in person (long distance relationships are BEYOND difficult, so not only does the chemistry have to be there, but also the desire to put up with the drawbacks of not being able to see your SO on a frequent basis). I'd just let it go and not overthink it all.

[hvert]

You can still like the band without it looking weird. I'd bring a date if I went to the show

[nicoleflynn]

I am concerned that young people talk about sex with someone they don't know......

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I am concerned that young people talk about sex with someone they don't know......

Seems like the new craze.. I dont get it ... But thats just me.

[ptangptang]

That's the nature of twitter, texting, chat rooms or whatever. It's ephemeral, of the moment and then we move on. I wouldn't think too much of it. Yours just lasted a bit longer than most. He had fun , you had fun. He doesn't sound too bad. Maybe it will ignite again and maybe next time something more will come of it. Use your intuition ( use the FORCE Luke haha), stay smart , don't do anything you don't like doing and don't try and over analyse things. He might be a really nice guy. We all like flirting. It's the spice of life. And it's free.