So, I was thinking about how I grew up in a very toxic family and how it kind of forms our relationships on the outside world. I feel like being depressed out there, I attract certain people who want to help me, who have been there and want to just be a friend. And after sometime, I start to feel that these people are just as toxic on the inside. They start becoming demanding. They start making me feel a bit obligated. I need to work on my depression, because when I look at it, a lot of the people I attract are really problematic people themselves.

Does anyone have similar experience?

[hvert]

Wow, that's interesting.

I connect my toxic friend situation more to my dysfunctional family than depression --- but now that I am trying to find more 'normal' friends, I do sometimes feel like my negativity gets in the way. I think you may be on to something.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Errm, ... possibly. Never thought about it before.

[Soul_Flower43]

Yes, my depression, anxieties, and low self-esteem has definitely attracted toxic people into my life. I was in a 7 month relationship with a Sociopath.

[lilypup]

No, not so far. I'm probably the toxic one when I am manic.

[healingme4me]

I attributed it, to not having good personal boundaries. It's the nice girl/nice guy conundrum, imo. Never considered that depressed people only attract depressed people? Maybe it's the display of empathy and tolerance/ accepting nature?
After all, depression takes many forms, and can be concurrent. Hmm, now that I think of it, having anxiety seems a common denominator in my friendships.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Rara200284

Does anyone have similar experience?

Absolutely YES! In therapy, I learned of the Meta Message - a silent energy or signal that we all send out to those around us that tells them of our inner reality and feelings. It's the signal that can cause a dog to attack and bite one person but not another person. The dog recognizes the inner state of the one sending the Meta Message and reacts to it either positively or negatively.

When I first learned of this, I felt HOPELESS to do anything about the silent messages I was automatically sending out there and then I discovered Self Esteem work so I went to work on fixing my inner reality and soon noticed that I was no longer ATTRACTING bad people and bad experiences. My "new" meta message was healthier and actually repelled unhealthy people!

Like attracts like and if we have a positive inner reality, it attracts other positive beings while simultaneously REPELLING negative beings. That's been my experience in therapy.
good luck attracting some better experiences,
jim

[Soul_Flower43]

Originally Posted by jimmy rich

Absolutely YES! In therapy, I learned of the Meta Message - a silent energy or signal that we all send out to those around us that tells them of our inner reality and feelings. It's the signal that can cause a dog to attack and bite one person but not another person. The dog recognizes the inner state of the one sending the Meta Message and reacts to it either positively or negatively.

When I first learned of this, I felt HOPELESS to do anything about the silent messages I was automatically sending out there and then I discovered Self Esteem work so I went to work on fixing my inner reality and soon noticed that I was no longer ATTRACTING bad people and bad experiences. My "new" meta message was healthier and actually repelled unhealthy people!

Like attracts like and if we have a positive inner reality, it attracts other positive beings while simultaneously REPELLING negative beings. That's been my experience in therapy.
good luck attracting some better experiences,
jim

Thank you for this reminder! So true!!

Originally Posted by Rara200284

So, I was thinking about how I grew up in a very toxic family and how it kind of forms our relationships on the outside world. I feel like being depressed out there, I attract certain people who want to help me, who have been there and want to just be a friend. And after sometime, I start to feel that these people are just as toxic on the inside. They start becoming demanding. They start making me feel a bit obligated. I need to work on my depression, because when I look at it, a lot of the people I attract are really problematic people themselves.

Does anyone have similar experience?

Oh yes, for sure! Thanks so much, your post rings really true . Being depressed made me extremely lonely, so what happens is your "guard" goes way down and you open to anyone who pays you any sort of attention. A few people latched onto me and then I find out they are actually homeless! They ask for a few bucks here and there, and because I'm not a stingy guy, I give a little, but then they become way more demanding over time. When I looked again I was losing a couple of thousand of dollars equivalent to these people, who I thought were my friends!!! It also becomes really hard to cut these people out of your life. I did one person, but the other still says she's my friend, but I tell her I can't afford to give her anything anymore. They were using my money without my knowledge to rent cheap motel rooms to live in! I can't even afford rent for myself, I live with my parents!

[Nina Simone]

Wonderful Post!! I can relate to so much of this. I know a lot of people and have a lot of relatives but I don't have a support network. I have really been looking closing at people and questioning their role in my life. Several people I consider friends/family only seem to be around when they need something or want to take advantage of me in some way. I know I have a lot of issues and I question if something in me attracts others with issues. I have never heard of the "Meta Message" before but I plan on reading about it!

I think we recognize ourselves in others. When people have the same issues I would imagine they gravitate towards each other. My concern is I need to be around those who are emotional healthy so I can learn how to be that way.

Sounds almost like that law of attraction thing - like attracts like. IDK.

[A Red Panda]

I think that the depressions I've experienced, along with my younger shyness (still have it, but hide it well) and anxiety draws those people to me, as I can identify them quickly and I will reach out.

Toxic people, however, takes me ages to notice. I don't attribute collecting them to be from my depressions (although I'm sure that helps make me appear to be easily taken advantage of) but I attribute it more to a dysfunctional family and my thus distorted reactions, toleration, and low self-esteem.

Sometimes it overlaps, as some toxic people can also be depressed people.

[healingme4me]

I don't know about toxicity, but thinking about how people gravitate towards people. My son's closest friends have a common denominator. Three of them. Mom's lost custody to addiction. Not sure what that translates to mean. Was pondering, this evening.

[PennsyR]

OMG! Yes, yes and YES! I am currently a bit freaked out because I've REALLY noticed how much my relationship is like my mom & dad's was when I was a kid. It's frightening because some of the stuff my boyfriend does & says is the CARBON COPY of the $#!T my dad used to do & say. And after talking to my mom about it, she just shook her head and hugged me. She knew exactly what I was going through. I know that my depression has a lot to do with the not-so-healthy relationships I have with people and all I can do is keep trying and hope that something clicks soon. Positive energy is what I try to surround myself with at all times. I hope your situation(s) work(s) out. Good luck!