[chrissy6225]

Hello. I am new to these forums. I would appreciate any advice.

I am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 33. We have been together for almost two years. We have had problems in our relationship, off and on.

I do love him and care for him, but I have only been in one serious relationship with him, and it has always made me wonder if I am missing out. We do fight often. For the most part, we have the same ideals, but often our goals in life our different. I think he has a lot of communication problems. I'm not perfect, but the difference with me is I often jump to admit I am not perfect and could work on a lot of things, were he does not. I am willing to go to counseling and do things to better our relationship. He is more hesitant, and stuck in his ways and beliefs.

I found out I was pregnant a month ago. I want to keep the baby, and he does too. This has caused a lot of stress and depression for me however. First, I don't want to marry him. If that changes, I am not sure it will, but I know a lot of people say this isn't a big concern right now. I just don't know again if I will want to settle with him even forever. We have lived together for a year, so living together and raising the baby will be difficult but I think at least since we have lived together we know what this is like. But I know it will change. He is more optimistic though, but sometimes too optimistic. I don't know if he realizes how much will change.

I am worried because we can fight a lot, and we will only fight more. Sometimes it's small things, but mostly it's things like his communication problems. He can be very rude and obnoxious randomly, and does not realize it. He also cuts me off all the time or treats his endeavors to be so much more important. He is also extremely messy, I feel like I have to clean up for a two year old. After two years, he hasn't improved much. He says hes too busy, and I know sometimes he is, but sometimes he makes excuses. He also puts tasks he wants to do over tasks like spending time with me often or responsibilities.

I am depressed because also I know that financially, we need to live together and we will struggle. I am just coming out of school and struggling very much financially, and he already has a good job. Both of us together still aren't doing as good as I'd like , but still I know I need him to support financially. He wants to also.

My concern is everyday I just worry about us splitting. If things get so bad, it concerns me that if I leave him or we both leave each other, this will effect the child. I know someone might say I was irresponsible, I understand. I still want to take care of this child. But I feel depression everyday for our relationship, and the possibility of anything being scarring on our child.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC. I hope you can find advice and support here. I am sure your age difference plays a role. Not so much because of the age difference but because you are 22 and him 33 so at different phases of life. Being pregnant is also a big factor. I hope you can work things out but it takes two committed people. If you are not sure how you feel about him that makes things more difficult and then with a baby even more so.

There was a very popular book some years ago that I read called "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus." I suggest you both read it. It very much promotes understanding.

[~Christina]

I think your not wanting to marry right now is perfectly acceptable.

Maybe with the pregnancy in the picture he might be more open to the idea of couples Therapy?

Whether you and him stay together or not there is going to be a little one to care for and that is something you both have to provide for the child.. If you go your seperate ways all childcare financials and visitations need to be handled legally so both parties are aware of responsibilities

I wish you luck

[IceCreamKid]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! This seems like an ideal time for couples counseling--please consider this. No relationship is perfect but I believe the two of you can improve your relationship and get help in emotionally and intellectually preparing for parenthood. If he refuses to go, please go yourself. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and a happy, healthy baby.

[lilypup]

I agree with the counseling. A baby is a wonderful thing. You'll always enjoy your child regardless where you wind up relationship wise. I would add to those who suggested couples counseling. It would be good to work out some things before the baby arrives.

[doyoutrustme]

If he won't go to couples counseling you should go for therapy for yourself. And I'm sure your fears are valid, but I have been pregnant, and in retrospect, the hormones made me worry about things on a much larger scale than if I weren't. A t of your own can be a supportive and objective voice.