[Eisha]

I've been married for 16 years since highschool and have two kids. Due to my families situation my mom and sisters lived with us for a year or two here and there. In the past, I had no problem with my husband staying up late and watching movies with my sister or even go out together to movies and stuff. I was pregnant with my second child and at times I would be tired and go to bed early or didn't feel like going out. They always kept each other a great company, they both drink, laugh together, listen to one another's stories and my sister always seeks his help in many things. There has never been anything between them but I guess as my husband says he started to have feelings for her over the years. One time I caught him seeing her pictures on the computer and that's when he had to admit he likes her. He also confessed he had masterbated with her photos which he sneaked on a memory card and he was very ashamed of himself and was very sorry. He tried to read different books of how to fall out of love and etc. He's a great husband and a great dad. He has never been with anybody but me. So as time went by he stopped trying to ignore and keeping his distance but instead I believe he started doing things that actually makes her impressed with him. For example he works out everyday and he became muscular because my sister is obsessed with muscular men. If she asks him for a small favor he goes far and beyond and spends hours of his time trying to help her when he can just do it in 5 mins. He always tries to please her and make her happy and appear as a nice guy. He always wants my whole family to be with us when we go on vacations. He booked our last vacation with her without me knowing even-though I had told him we will not go on a vacation. I have a lot of angers towards both my sister and husband. I don't blame my sister a bit but I still react to her and this has affected my relationship with her. I know she only sees my husband as her brother. We see each other almost every weekend and it just burns me when I see husband talking to her or when he looks at her or in a way checks her out. He always checks to see if I'm looking or not before he does that. Do I need to talk to my family about this or maybe his parents. Is this something I have to keep a secret. My family see me sad when they are around but they don't know why. I stop talking to him or even sleep in a diff room for weeks but he seems to get colder. He keeps saying to me and our kids that Mommy hates me. Plz help.

[hvert]

What would your sister do if you told her? You are in a very awkward position. I could see not wanting to tell your family because then they will not accept your husband, but at the same time, it's not fair that his crush on your sister is ruining your relationship with her.

Is his attraction to your sister serious enough that you consider leaving him?

[scorpiosis37]

If your husband is more in love with your sister than he is with you, why do you want to stay with him? He is clearly not meeting your needs or showing you the kind of attention, attraction, or care you deserve-- he is busy showing it to your sister to impress her.

[dedicated]

Originally Posted by Eisha

. . . He has never been with anybody but me. So as time went by he stopped trying to ignore and keeping his distance but instead I believe he started doing things that actually makes her impressed with him. For example he works out everyday and he became muscular because my sister is obsessed with muscular men. If she asks him for a small favor he goes far and beyond and spends hours of his time trying to help her when he can just do it in 5 mins. He always tries to please her and make her happy and appear as a nice guy. He always wants my whole family to be with us when we go on vacations. He booked our last vacation with her without me knowing even-though I had told him we will not go on a vacation. . .

. . . seems like there was a great change.

If you were my younger sister, I would advise you to talk to your husband by starting this way: "when were/are we having harmonious family, before or now that you seem interested with my sister?" . . . "do you think our children are affected to this current situation?" . . . "can you give good reasons why you can't avoid my sister?". At least you will be able to see where your family stands by his answers and body language then have plan A and B in place.

Just some thoughts.

Hope this will be resolved sooner than later.

[lilypup]

Tell him directly...it is totally over with my sister or you are gone. Masturbating to photos of her is way over the line. It's only a matter of time (IMO) until they get together.

My humble suggestion:
You and your husband need couples therapy as soon as possible.
You and your husband need to talk this out with a trained, objective mediator.
I wish you and your family the best.

I don't think this is a situation you can try to ignore. It seems like he is going out of his way to impress your sister and aside from being totally disrespectful to you it may end up in him putting her in an uncomfortable situation as well.

I also find the idea that he tells your children you hate him off putting. It feels like maybe he is trying to turn them against you or at least bring them to his side.

He should not be involving the children in this at all.

I would definitely suggest couples therapy if you want to try and save the relationship .

Maybe tell your sister. She may be able make sure he knows she is completely uninterested and therefore dampen his interest.

A little less time spent by the two together may help too.

[michelle666]

Tell your family so that they can try and get her to move out- she is your sister yes but you and your husband need space ! Make up an excuse like finance

[Rose76]

I do not believe that your sister has no idea that your husband is attracted to her. If you want to have any hope of saving your marriage, then keep your sister away from your husband. Tell her your reason, if you feel that will make it easier, but just do it. Eventually, your sister will have a man of her own. That will make things a lot easier. Until that day comes, do all you can to keep these two away from each other. Talking to your family probably won't do much good at all. By now they probably are well aware of your husband's interest in sister. There is not much that his parents can do about this.

You can always say to your sister, "I'm sorry, but I can't have you coming around my husband because he has gotten too interested in you. I'm not blaming you, but I need to get him out of the habit of taking this wrong interest in you."