[roseblossom]

My son's dad remarried three years ago to someone much younger - she is only ten years older than our son. He has now said that he is leaving everything to her - they now have a three bedroomed property (he already had a two bedroomed property when they met) and he has a good work pension - she will get both. He said that if he might leave my son some cash if he has anything, but that he is likely to spend it in his retirement.

I think that our son will be incredibly hurt by him favouring his new partner in this way and not making any provision at all for him as an inheritance. I have tried talking to my ex but he became very defensive. As it stands, my ex's wife has made no provision for our son either so should anything happen to her the whole inheritance will go to her family who live in another country. They have no children of their own and my ex does not want anymore children.

I realise that he wants to start a new life, but I feel angry at his decision. He will not discuss it with me anymore.

I do not know whether to talk about this with my son as it's such an awkward issue. He was closer to his dad than he was to me, and I'm worried that he will feel rejected by him and frankly will be stung, especially as he has no siblings. At the same time, I don't want my son to only find this out in the future when he would be dealing with the grief of losing his dad.

Can anyone advise?

[ChipperMonkey]

I think its important to mention whether or not your son is an adult right now.

[roseblossom]

My son is 21 and is currently at university - on holidays he returns to his dad's or sometimes stays with me (I live in rented accommodation).

[~Christina]

Since he is over 18 he is an adult . You dont have a say in what his father does as your divorced .. Yes its sad that your ex is leaving everything to his new wife but he can do what ever he wants to.

Why did your ex tell you what his plans were with his monies and thing after he dies? Did you ask or did he offer the information?

I dont think you need to get involved honestly. Thats something your ex need to handle.

Maybe you should sit down with your son and show/ tell him once you die X monies and or life insurance etc will be given to him ... Maybe it will spark your son to ask his father what his plans are.

Good luck

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Since he is over 18 he is an adult . You dont have a say in what his father does as your divorced .. Yes its sad that your ex is leaving everything to his new wife but he can do what ever he wants to.

Why did your ex tell you what his plans were with his monies and thing after he dies? Did you ask or did he offer the information?

I dont think you need to get involved honestly. Thats something your ex need to handle.

Maybe you should sit down with your son and show/ tell him once you die X monies and or life insurance etc will be given to him ... Maybe it will spark your son to ask his father what his plans are.

Good luck

To be honest because of his change in attitude towards our son after he met this woman, I suspected that something like this might happen so I asked him. I was still shocked though when he said that he wasn't going to leave our son any share of his property at all, not even if his new partner died.

I haven't got anything left financially to give. I claim support because of a health condition. In the past I had a modest windfall which was given to our son for his education.

My ex did divulge to me that soon after they began the relationship his new partner said to him that if anything ever happened to him she planned to kill herself.

In addition in the past my father helped out my ex financially in order for him to a buy a property. I did mention this to my ex but he said it wasn't relevant.

I understand what you are saying, but I think that my ex's behaviour is wrong and I wonder if it's got anything to do with the fact that he might be angry towards me - our son does look like me.

[~Christina]

I understand your being upset about all this.. But really there is nothing you can do..

Maybe you should sit your son down and explain to him your situation in lack of monies that you would leave for him do to your situation and maybe he will question his father.

I know here in the USA people can file petitions regarding who is left what money .. Its a long drawn out process and it really does typically follow the will of the deceased, unless it can be determined that he was not in his right mind when he made his will ... Not sure if there are same type of legal actions where you are.

I know you just want to protect your son but you cant expect that his father is going to do X things.

[lilypup]

This sounds like some group! The ex will kill herself if the spouse dies? Come on.
My father disinherited me ...I was his only biological child because he hated my mother. I managed just fine without his money. Your son will do fine too.

[StressedMess]

I'm not leaving my kids with a dime. We live paycheck to paycheck. Unless I hit the lotto before I kick off, my life insurance covers 3 years of my salary. They will inherit our home, and will have to pay whatever debt my estate owes. I have prepaid funeral arrangements.

My kids aren't expecting to be loaded after I die. If they harbor secret fantasies of largesse, they are sadly misinformed.

Hopefully they will miss me and get on with the business of living, not have sour faces over their lack of inheritance.

Does your son know he's been dis-inherited? Was he ever expecting an inheritance? No 20-ish person I know spends a lot of time worrying about what will happen to dad's dough when he kicks off.

This sounds like a problem you as his mother find unfair, unfortunately the law says he can leave everything to his cat if he so desires.

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

[roseblossom]

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I just wanted to protect my son from feeling hurt at being 'ousted out' in his relationship with his dad when he has been close in the past, and yet now his dad is favouring his new wife so much. In my family it has been usual for people to want to leave something for their kids, even if they had very little, but I can see that this isn't the norm for everyone.

[Rose76]

It doesn't sound like you ex has any fortune. If his wealth is basically in the home that he shares with his current wife, then leaving that to her sounds pretty normal to me. This second marriage is only 3 years old, and it may fail. Statistically, second marriages have less chance of survival than first marriages. If your ex is reasonable healthy and probably likely to live for another 20 years or more, then a lot can happen between now and when he passes away. The nature of his relationship with his son can change too. I would stay completely out of it, if I were you. This is between dad and son.

If your son hasn't been going around worrying about his dad's will, I wouldn't go instigating this as an issue. The less parents do for their children, the less the kids feel obligated to worry about the parents. (Not always 100% true, but often is.) Right now, your son hasn't quite reached the age of worrying about things like his father's will. By the time he is 30, he will have it all figured out. I'ld say that it's best to leave him to awaken to the money realities of family ties in his own time, in his own way.

Bringing this up as an issue is likely to just stir up resentment in your son toward wife #2, or hadn't you thought of that? For him to feel resentful will just poison his relationship with his step-mom, and that will just further alienate him from his father. I would just drop the whole subject, if I were you. It would be different, if your son was a special needs child. But, if he's healthy, your ex has no compelling reason to make "provision" for him. If your son ever initiates discussion about inheritances, you can say, "Well, you're not real likely to inherit anything from either your dad or me. So, if you want to have something in this life, you better plan on getting it for yourself."

The best thing your ex can do for your son is to manage his assets well enough, so that, when he becomes old and sick, he has the means to get the help he needs and not become a burden to his only child.

[Slamjammer]

If you and your ex had not divorced, and he pre-deceased you intestate ...in other words, "without a will"...all the family assets would go to you, the surviving spouse. Your children would not get anything until you die. Unless you have a will that specifies otherwise, any remaining assets upon your death would be equally distributed to your children.

What your ex has done is basically the same thing.

If his second wife pre-deceases him, who is the executor? Typically it is the oldest child.

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by Slamjammer

If you and your ex had not divorced, and he pre-deceased you intestate ...in other words, "without a will"...all the family assets would go to you, the surviving spouse. Your children would not get anything until you die. Unless you have a will that specifies otherwise, any remaining assets upon your death would be equally distributed to your children.

What your ex has done is basically the same thing.

If his second wife pre-deceases him, who is the executor? Typically it is the oldest child.

Thanks for your reply. My ex's wife is much younger though - only about 10 years older than our son, so it's unlikely that that she would pre-decease my ex-husband. So when she dies the estate would go to her family who live in another country. (I had just envisaged that she would downsize if my ex passed as their home is quite big, which would enable an inheritance to be given to our son but I was mistaken).

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by Rose76

It doesn't sound like you ex has any fortune. If his wealth is basically in the home that he shares with his current wife, then leaving that to her sounds pretty normal to me. This second marriage is only 3 years old, and it may fail. Statistically, second marriages have less chance of survival than first marriages. If your ex is reasonable healthy and probably likely to live for another 20 years or more, then a lot can happen between now and when he passes away. The nature of his relationship with his son can change too. I would stay completely out of it, if I were you. This is between dad and son.

If your son hasn't been going around worrying about his dad's will, I wouldn't go instigating this as an issue. The less parents do for their children, the less the kids feel obligated to worry about the parents. (Not always 100% true, but often is.) Right now, your son hasn't quite reached the age of worrying about things like his father's will. By the time he is 30, he will have it all figured out. I'ld say that it's best to leave him to awaken to the money realities of family ties in his own time, in his own way.

Bringing this up as an issue is likely to just stir up resentment in your son toward wife #2, or hadn't you thought of that? For him to feel resentful will just poison his relationship with his step-mom, and that will just further alienate him from his father. I would just drop the whole subject, if I were you. It would be different, if your son was a special needs child. But, if he's healthy, your ex has no compelling reason to make "provision" for him. If your son ever initiates discussion about inheritances, you can say, "Well, you're not real likely to inherit anything from either your dad or me. So, if you want to have something in this life, you better plan on getting it for yourself."

The best thing your ex can do for your son is to manage his assets well enough, so that, when he becomes old and sick, he has the means to get the help he needs and not become a burden to his only child.

Thanks for this - I appreciate what you've written.