[AspenGirl]

My husband's family members are acting cold and distant toward me. A few have unfriended me on Facebook. This hostility seems to be sudden and inexplicable. I have a sense there are family politics involved. What those politics are is beyond me. I'm torn. I'm not getting any straight answers. I get a lot of voicemail and no responses from emails. Part of me wants to hold my head high, take the bull by the horns and solve this problem, while the bruised, damaged part of myself wants to retreat and disappear from all their lives. It hurts. What should I do?

[waiting4]

I'm sorry you're going thru a difficult time. I'm not sure how to help you tho as your discription is a little vague??? Can you offer a few more details as to what is going on with the relatives?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Personally, I'd just leave them to their silly little bullcrap. You've done wrong, so who cares what they think! If you have done something wrong, try to make it right. If they aren't man/woman enough to come to YOU with this problem, that's their problem, not yours. You are, after all, married to your husband, not all of his family. That's just what I'd be like, though... I'm kinda stubborn about these things. You could try visiting one of these people (bull by the horns bit) and simply straight-out asking what everyone has against you; if they block you off, then just ignore them.

[ChipperMonkey]

I'm wondering if your husband "confided" in one of them regarding a private marriage matter and now they're all holding it against you? (Because, of course, if you tell ONE family member, then they *all* know...) I think its time that you have a nice little chat with your husband and see if he had any role in all of this. I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but I've seen it happen more than once...

[soccerdad]

Ironically blood is thicker than water actually means the opposite of what everyone thinks which makes it appropriate for this post.

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This actually means that blood shed in battle bonds soldiers more strongly than simple genetics. Although we commonly use it to suggest the strength of family ties, it doesn't refer to family at all.

The term family seems to give people the idea that they can act any way they want towards you and you have to accept it. In this case it is your husbands family so really any action needs to come from him or else you come off as the crazy wife without his backing. Tell him how you feel and ask him how he thinks it should be handled. Together you can come up with something that doesn't put him in the middle and that makes you feel more comfortable.

[hvert]

Did either you or your husband do something that might have offended these people?

[Koko2]

I'm so glad I don't have a Facebook account. I'd hate all the drama.

[AspenGirl]

I argued with my sister-in-law about a year ago. According to my husband, she is the "favorite" sister-in-law married to the "favorite" brother. There was some tension for a while, but we mended it months ago. She deliberately planned a party for her daughter on a day I had already planned a huge milestone birthday for my husband. I thought it was tacky and hurtful and I told her so. She ignored me completely (including a card with my apology and flowers I brought over) for months. It seems that from that point, the family started distancing themselves from me. Just recently, however, I have gotten some real signs that I am very disliked: Messages I leave on voicemail are not returned, two members have unfriended me on Facebook, when my husband and I sit down at a table at a family event, others get up and move away, gatherings are held without us, etc. I thought this argument between my SIL was just between the two of us and over and done with. I don't know what has precipitated this newest onslaught of pettiness. It is hurtful and I spend a lot of time wondering if it is worth it to try to fix things.

[AspenGirl]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

I'm wondering if your husband "confided" in one of them regarding a private marriage matter and now they're all holding it against you? (Because, of course, if you tell ONE family member, then they *all* know...) I think its time that you have a nice little chat with your husband and see if he had any role in all of this. I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but I've seen it happen more than once...

Thanks for your insight, but I really feel that my husband is just as baffled as I am.

[AspenGirl]

I always wondered where that saying came from.

[AspenGirl]

Originally Posted by Koko2

I'm so glad I don't have a Facebook account. I'd hate all the drama.

You have a good point. I often contemplate the benefits of deleting my account entirely.

[healingme4me]

That's why I used to refer to my exes family as the outlaws instead of inlaws.

I'll never forget the day that I walked right over to an adult neice and sister in law, them not realizing I was approaching, to hear just exactly what she thought of me.

I used to complain of migraines when I first started attending family functions. Then I found the source of distress.

That day I walked in on that conversation, on a wedding anniversary, where their kids bdays took precedence over adult events, well I paid dearly for that, that evening. I digress.

Point is, they don't sound worth bothering with. Maybe your husband can go by himself and let you know if they are alienating him or both of you, next event. Bow out, feeling under the weather.

Find others to be around. Maybe set up cutomized fb privacy, where not a clear delete nor sharing of yourself. Deleting friends is complicated. Customization, now that's something empowering...

[thehumanity]

Regardless of where the saying comes from, it seems you are confused, aspengirl.

Your blood is your genetic relations: parents, siblings, and children. Maybe aunts and uncles and cousins. Your blood is not your husband and his family.

Of course, they should welcome you. But they are not your blood.

Understanding this might help you.

[AspenGirl]

Originally Posted by thehumanity

Regardless of where the saying comes from, it seems you are confused, aspengirl.

Your blood is your genetic relations: parents, siblings, and children. Maybe aunts and uncles and cousins. Your blood is not your husband and his family.

Of course, they should welcome you. But they are not your blood.

Understanding this might help you.

Interesting point. I'll think on this one.