[littlebitlost]

I am nearly 30, with a failed marriage behind me, and I have met a guy I *think* I might want to spend the rest of my life with.

However I have some secrets - that have never been secret before. However in my dating this year, I only met one person I would've considered going further with, so I did full disclosure on everything, and he stopped talking to me.

I have always been entirely direct, upfront, and if people didn't like me for who I am, they could go jump for all I cared.

Since I was 21, I have worked as an escort, because I love sex, and love money. As an escort, I have slept with hundreds, maybe thousands of men. I have no er, lasting damage? Nobody can tell I Worked unless I tell them, or perhaps unless I've left something able to link me to my alter ego - computer stuff, something written down, my work phone or something. I've never hidden this at all before.

I am planning on going to Europe next year, or '16, and need the money. Quite badly in fact. I am semi disabled from a very bad car accident, so regular work is not an option for me really. And I like being an escort. I never do it close to my home, and was planning on being busy and working hard the end of this year, to secure the cash I need.

But this guy..... He's special. And I don't want to hurt him. But I fear rejection if I disclose everything.

When I spoke about Work vs Relationship with a Working girl friend, who was in her 40's, about 5 years ago, and she said to never tell men in my Real Life about being a Working girl, as they will always end up throwing it back at you in any argument. This proved completely on the mark as the guy I liked, and told did it just as she said guys would.

I am a SHOCKING liar, and never do it, and I abhor people lying to me. If my new guy asked me directly I would tell him, but wonder if perhaps just NOT SAYING it is the better option. Lying by omission, I know.

I could justify not telling if I didn't go back to Work again, but I want the money.... And I do not see things between us staying casual enough for me to go to work for a few weeks.

Unless I went and did a few weeks straight and then gave it a rest? But what would I say? Ask for some faith lol.

I really like him, and I don't wanna hurt him, or be hurt again. I'm not sure I could take that. :/

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

[Rose76]

If this guy finds out that you've been "working" after you and he started a relationship, he will probably not want to stay with you. One think he'll worry about is that, whenever you want some extra money, you'll resume the old life style, even after you and he are living together.

I think that if you really want a traditional relationship with a guy, you'll have to put your working days behind you. Then don't disclose your past, unless you believe that he's likely to find out anyway.

Can you live with yourself if you lie by omission? If you can, then that's fine.

[Parley]

I'd probably bring up a hypothetical question, about working as an escort, to see what he says. I like to see what I'm dealing with before telling secrets. I wouldn't be with someone I can't be honest with on a day to day basis but I wouldn't tell him if it was in the past.

[scorpiosis37]

If you are going to continue working after you enter into an exclusive relationship with him, you really have to tell him. He has the right to know if you are having sex with other men for safety reasons if nothing else. Even with condoms, there is still a risk of some STDs. Not to mention honesty. If he's the right guy for you, the. This is something you can work out. If he is not okay with it-- and you are not willing to give it up-- then the two of you just aren't the right fit for each other.

[littlebitlost]

Thanks guys. I'm not the lying type, but wonder if perhaps this is something I shouldn't mention. I intend to work for the rest of this year, then 'retire' I think?

We're only a few dates in, but being with him feels like home to me. And I know that there is something real between us.

I'd probably bring up a hypothetical question, about working as an escort, to see what he says. I like to see what I'm dealing with before telling secrets. I wouldn't be with someone I can't be honest with on a day to day basis but I wouldn't tell him if it was in the past.

Thanks Parley, I think I'll try this one.

I think its just something I will keep in the past after the end of this year. I just won't make a commitment to exclusivity. I couldn't do that and LIE. I will keep things casual and not rush in. I'm a Borderline so we tend to be a tad impulsive....

[Bystander_7]

This is my opinion on your post. If you tell him he might want to call it quits. Yet by not telling him, it is not giving him a choice. Reverse the roles and see what you come up with, and his opinion can still differ from yours, Relationships lasts a lot longer if they start as friendships. I personally probably would have a hard time dealing with if were you telling me, but I would feel better about it if I knew that the relationship would be exclusive as of now. And for it coming back thrown in your face, when ppl fight they say hurtful things. They want you to feel their pain. Now you are in the beginning of a relationship, when the newness wears off it will get harder to tell him. And also don't you want to be able to overcome any difficult challenge or struggle life brings you both? Good luck with whatever you decide.

[littlebitlost]

Thanks. I like the idea of waiting till I know that it IS serious, cuz the more you know someone the more attached you are.

I *THINK* I will not tell, finish this year and get the cash I want, then retire. And will try the hypothetical question idea and test the waters, and try to hopefully jump in?

[littlebitlost]

Thanks. I like the idea of waiting till I know that it IS serious, cuz the more you know someone the more attached you are.

I *THINK* I will not tell, finish this year and get the cash I want, then retire. And will try the hypothetical question idea and test the waters, and try to hopefully jump in?

[A Red Panda]

If it's only been a few dates, then I see no reason to disclose it. However, if you continue working while the relationship developes, you sorta owe it to him to be honest about how you're earning money.

When you say that you're going to finish the year, I'm not sure if you mean until the end of 2014, or if you mean a year after this relationship has started? If you mean until the end of 2014 then yeah, that's reasonable as it gives you a few months of getting to know each other - that said, you'd be 4 months into your relationship. I've just hit 5 months with mine, and I can't imagine witholding such a big thing from him.

If you stop working, I see no harm in telling him that you have been an escort in the past and that you're no longer doing so - and that would be totally fair to not share with him until whenever you see fit.

It just changes if you continue working throughout the relationship, because he deserves to know that your relationship isn't sexually exclusive and that he needs to be extra careful about STDs, as do you.

[Slamjammer]

You want honesty? You gotta be willing to give it.

You can't build a successful relationship around a lie. Secondly, the terms "faithful, loving, devoted spouse" and "escort" are mutually exclusive.

IMHO - you are probably not a long-term relationship person. That's not being critical or judgemental....just calling it as I see it.

You wanted honesty, right?

[~Christina]

Your walking a very thin line. Due to the "nature" of your work .. You risk your parnters ( both paid and your loved one) health each time you perform your job ..

Not all STD's are covered by use of condoms ... HPV is one that can lead to cervical cancer and genital warts for both parties plus added risk for penial cancer depending on the strain of HPV there are hundreds and condoms have no protection because its transfered skin to skin.. Just some food for thought.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[lilypup]

I'm female, but no way would I date or sleep with someone that had slept with hundreds of men. If you are going to continue this behavior, you gotta be kidding. That is just not fair.

[Alt77]

I don't see the big deal. Keeping it secret is a part of being an escort. Some things need to be kept a secret. If that's the case, then I wouldn't feel guilty at all. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.