[votesaxon]

I posted here before about my husband (bi-polar) constantly accusing me of cheating and lying, but had to delete the thread.

A few months ago, I found out HE is the one who has been cheating. It has mostly been online stuff (flirting, e-sex, love declarations) but there has been physical stuff too- some paid for.

I decided to stay and work through it. A month after I found out he was still chatting online. He promised to stop. Today, I found emails from a girl he has been chatting to for years. He claims she's obsessed with him and his sadistic side gets a kick out of chatting to her. I told him I don't care, he promised to stop.

We've been married 6 months- our honeymoon is in a week. He has asked that we go away, spend time just us and come back and seek help. I have agreed.

I have told him I need to take my rings off, as I don't feel married. He has two kids (shared custody) who are with us until Sunday, so I won't remove the rings until then. He is freaking out- this is the only time I have ever felt like removing the rings.

Other than this 'recent' girl, he has been open and honest about everything- removing passwords, giving me access to everything (incl bank accounts) and answering questions no matter how odd or unrelated they seem.

I was starting to deal with it, in my head (always intended to see a professional regardless) but now I have been knocked back to step 1.

I can act like everything is normal for the kids and his family (party on Sunday) but when it's just us, I know I'll struggle. He's at work until about 6pm. I don't know if I can look at him.

Thanks for reading. I think, mostly, I just needed to get it out. My family live overseas (apart from one relative here) and I don't have any friends (that are not also friends with my relative here).

[Travelinglady]

Hello, votesaxon, and welcome to Psych Central! Do you mean hold on to the relationship or hold on until after the honeymoon or both? I hope he will see your taking your rings off as a wake up call that he can't have his cake and eat it, too.

I wish you the best. Please keep us informed.

[kaliope]

it appears he is sincere about wanting your relationship as evidenced by his behavior in turning over all his passwords and answering your questions, but the fact that he hasn't stopped makes me believed he has an addiction. it is understandable how hurtful this is to you, how violated you feel. he needs treatment. he could get better, he may never get better. I think I could live with a man chatting it up with other women but not one actually having sex with other women. you have to decide what your boundaries are. take care.