[kawaiigurl1981]

I am in a new relationship, been together about three months he says that he finds me to be cold emotionally and very blase about the relationship. He becomes frustrated that I don't ask him for what I want. I tend to allow him to be as he is, determine what he is inclined to give and decide if I find it acceptable. He complains that I do not make myself vulnerable to him. He is right that I ask him for nothing, I feel if he knows that I want emotionally and then chooses not to provide then his actions have informed me of all I need to know. Has anyone experienced anything similar ? And how did you overcome it ?

[kaliope]

if I am reading this right, you are wanting him to know what you want and provide this to you, without you telling him what you want and then feeling like he is with holding for not giving you what you want? I feel like you are asking him to read your mind and this may be how he is reading it as well. after only a few months together, he may be uncertain if he is judging your needs correctly and fears acting because he may be wrong. he wants your input so that he can meet your needs accordingly. take care.

[~Christina]

If I remember correctly werent you coming out of a bad relationship not to long ago? ( if not forgive my mind)

As for your current situation.... Your assuming he is going to hurt you so your staying emotionally unavailable.. How to fix it ? If he is someone that you want to see in your life long term, you will need to allow yourself to trust him. Small steps.. Just be good to him and let him know your fear(s) and that you are actively working on yourself..

Take your relationship slowly.

Good luck

[kawaiigurl1981]

"Allow yourself to trust him" its not just him I don't really trust anyone. By giving myself some space and engaging in some quiet introspection I have determined that I hate the part of myself that needs and wants close relationships with others. I must blame my natural need for human closeness for the pain and abuse I suffered during childhood. I feel strong and powerful when I am independent and self sufficient and I feel like a failure for needing the care and approval of others.