[Minnie123]

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16, and since he was 18. We were together for a year and a half and then he broke up with me on my 18th birthday due to lack of trust from both of us. Four months later after no speaking and him being with other girls he came back to me and said he wanted to be back together. I thought about this a lot and told him yes as long as we trusted eachother. A year later we were great, but then I had my doubts again and bece the untrusting person I was before. He was going out with friends a lot more and not telling me what he was doing, if I went out on a night out with friends I had to tell him and let him know when I got home, whether it be eleven I clock at night or four I clock in the morning I had to let him know. He however didn't. He then cheated on me several times and slept with somebody he had been with when we broke up. We then broke up for a second time. Again a couple of months past and he contacted me again. I told myself I wouldn't let it happen again bit he said everything had changed and that he didn't want to be that person anymore. I believed him and we got back together. When we got back together all his friends took a disliking to me and started saying stuff about me over Facebook about how I kept him on a lead and didn't let him out, I didn't he made this choice to try and gain back my trust, they started calling me fat over Facebook and saying that I'd had an abortion and lots of nasty things about me. My boyfriend had a go at them and then decided he wanted nothing to do with them. A year on , he's decided to get back in touch with them. And I said to him I really was not happy about it. And that I didn't know whether I could be with him due to this. Am I being too nasty about all of this? We hadn't spoken for a week and I contacted him today to ask what was happening , and he said that I had broken up with him , which I wasn't aware of. I really don't want to break up with him as I really do love him. My family have taken him in as his dad died an the only family he has is his mum. We look after them both , we being me and my family. After a long discussion tonight I said I was willing to see if we could make it work with him being back in touch with them and he said no because I already broke up with him. I said okay. But then he kept pushing and pushing saying he'd planned on going to Amsterdam with them all and asked if I could deal with that? I said yes. He then told me that one of them is moving in with him and his mum and wether I could deal with that. I said yes, and he then said he needs to think about it. Am I wasting my time, he is 22 and I am 20. Is all this worth the hassle at this age? I mean I really do love him and love spending time with him and so do all of my family. I think it is worth it. I just need somebody else's view on it who isn't involved. Thank you.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC.

What would worry me is not so much that he wants to hang with friends and party and stuff. Natural at that age. Its the fact that he has cheated on you twice. I can't say for sure about him but many men continue that pattern. He is probably conflicted between settling down and sowing his wild oats and partying and seeing other girls. Balls kind of in his court how committed he is.

[lilypup]

If you were my daughter, I would say you are too young to be spending your time this way. Remember that you can "love" someone and not be with him. The right guy for you will not cheat, he will love you for you. He will also dump any friends who would post nasty things on social media. I think this is the wrong guy.

[A Red Panda]

I find it interesting that he went a year without talking with them. And within a week of reconnecting with them he's planned a trip to Amsterdam and one of them is moving in with him? I find that a bit strange.

About him wanting to reconnect with friends after a year? Honestly, that's understandable, people change - after all, you believed more than once that he changed. If they reconnected and treated you respectfully it would be alright.

However, seeing as he already has a pattern, I wouldn't trust him either.

And quite frankly, his behavior and treatment of you after you didn't talk for a week? Seems very manipulative to me - he's taken that week of being angry as a way to force you into accepting it his way without even having a real discussion with you.

[hvert]

Based on what you wrote, I think you are wasting your time. You have already spent four years of your life in this up and down relationship. It doesn't have to be that stressful. If you date someone trustworthy, you won't have to worry about not trusting them.

Why doesn't he invite you to Amsterdam? And what does he have to think about? He claims you dumped him when you didn't and now he has think about whether or not he wants to date you?

[annegreye]

Hello.
This sounds like many troubled relationships I've witnessed. Before I go on, I want to say that I understand the struggle. I also would like to preface this with saying that the choices are entirely yours, and sometimes that's the hardest part.
It sounds like he's having trouble figuring out for himself just what he wants/needs in his life. You are both very young yet, and there are so many options available to both of you, other people included. Perhaps he's having difficulty fulfilling a void in his life and utilizes other people (girls & friends) to try and accommodate for whatever he feels is lacking. This could be something he's completely unaware of, too, and is why he cheats--not to necessarily hurt you, but to fix whatever hurt he feels.
Next, to touch on your hurt, only you know what you feel. Your feelings are always true. By that, I mean that they are strictly because of something that is happening/has happened to you, and that is not wrong. No one's feelings are ever wrong. They can be misplaced or misquided, but not wrong. If his friends have hurt you in some way and you feel that, then you need to do what's right for you to make the situation better. If you need him to not talk to his friends for you to feel better, then so be it. That does not make you nasty or mean. That's you standing up for yourself, and you never need to be sorry about it. If he is unwilling to help you in that battle of standing up for yourself, you have a choice to make as to whether that's something you can tolerate. If you sincerely feel hurt by his decision to be with the friends that disrespected you, you need to decide if you can brush that off. From your post, it doesn't sound like something you can just let go of, hence your reason for posting.
Lastly, remember that everything that happens in your relationship now sets the foundation for your relationship in the future. If you decide to get over this now and have a relationship with him, you cannot hold onto this instance. You have to let it go. If you don't think you can do that, and think this might come up again, it would be better to walk away now. You don't want to be a year, 3 years, 5 years into the relationship and have this particular situation come up again, only to fight about it and blame each other and so on. That's not good for anyone involved.
I wish you the best.

[hamster-bamster]

Has he made his friends publicly apologize to you for saying nasty things about you?

He has not.

So what is the question still?

[Bill3]

Who breaks up with a person on her 18th birthday?

That was the beginning of a pattern of lack of consideration for your feelings, which has continued to this day.

[Yoda]

You have love in the relationship but you do not have trust or respect.

Based on what you have posted I do not think the relationship is healthy and you should move on.

[Minnie123]

Thank you everyone. We are no longer together and he has gone back to one of the girls he earlier cheated on me with. Strangely , I feel fantastic within myself and like I can live my life without somebody who brought me down so much. Thanks again for all the advice. Picked me up a lot xxx

[offthegrid]

This isn't worth the hassle at any age. When you are with somebody, both of you have to want to be there. I'm so glad you got out of that cycle of emotional manipulation. I wish I could give you a hug.

[Nightside of Eden]

Congrats on having the strength to remove yourself from an unhealthy relationship.