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  #26  
Old Oct 11, 2014, 07:16 PM
tabenda tabenda is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
Fair enough, but then the asymmetry of the situation remains the main issue. If he was joking, he should not have gotten offended when you joked.
Agreed! I am concerned about his anger.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, hamster-bamster

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  #27  
Old Oct 11, 2014, 09:02 PM
hamster-bamster hamster-bamster is offline
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Tabenda,

There is a general issue of a double standard, understood broadly, lurking here as well.

The term "a double standard" is usually employed in situations in which, say, one partner has had many sexual relationships in the past but is upset that the other partner also has had many sexual relationships in the past.

The term can be used more broadly to mean any kind of a double standard, when one partner allows him/herself ABC, but is upset when the other partner engages in ABC as well.

The danger here is that ten years down the line, if you settle down with him, you would be expected to do all the housework and he, none; add any kind of unfairness between two partners you can imagine and that would be the risk.

What I am trying to say is that you are right in being concerned about his anger, but there are other risks, concerns, and potential for trouble here.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, tabenda
  #28  
Old Oct 11, 2014, 11:52 PM
tabenda tabenda is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: US
Posts: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
Tabenda,

There is a general issue of a double standard, understood broadly, lurking here as well.

The term "a double standard" is usually employed in situations in which, say, one partner has had many sexual relationships in the past but is upset that the other partner also has had many sexual relationships in the past.

The term can be used more broadly to mean any kind of a double standard, when one partner allows him/herself ABC, but is upset when the other partner engages in ABC as well.

The danger here is that ten years down the line, if you settle down with him, you would be expected to do all the housework and he, none; add any kind of unfairness between two partners you can imagine and that would be the risk.

What I am trying to say is that you are right in being concerned about his anger, but there are other risks, concerns, and potential for trouble here.
I absolutely agree here.... his reaction was unreasonable to me and not something that I will ignore or look past.
Hugs from:
hamster-bamster
Thanks for this!
Bill3, hamster-bamster
  #29  
Old Oct 12, 2014, 12:04 AM
tabenda tabenda is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: US
Posts: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParanoidPizza View Post
I don't know much, but maybe he was being straight forward and honest and he came off as having an alternative motive? If he felt like he was being treated like he was not being honest then I could understand him being offended, just not to that extent.

It does sound like something else is bothering him and this was just a tipping point, but I could be wrong. Either way, you did nothing wrong.

If he wants you as a friend, then he is just as responsible for working things out. Nothing is one sided, at least it shouldn't be.

People are used to most people saying things that are not completely honest to get their way. Half truths, etcetera are the norm. The majority are trained to assume and interpret what others say to form the most logical conclusion. Just my random thoughts.
I agree that I think there's something else that was bothering him. I feel like I am still missing what it is that angered him. I do plan on talking to him about it once a little more time has passed.
  #30  
Old Oct 12, 2014, 12:12 AM
hamster-bamster hamster-bamster is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
I think letting him cool off and approaching him in an non-inflammatory way is a great idea. And then his reaction will be your data for decision-making.
Thanks for this!
tabenda
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