Hi I'm new

My husband of almost 28 yrs has had off & on substance abuse issues. It has finally seemed to hit him how serious it's become & I'm having a hard time because he has withdrawn from me more & more. I feel afraid, betrayed & a million other things. I'm very shy so I've tried to develop some friendships but it's difficult for me & I question how people feel about me incessantly. I thought this forum might be helpful.

Hi & Welcome to the forums!

I hope you will meet many kind and good people here, for support and information.

There are RL support groups for relatives of alcoholics (Al-Anon) and I think for relatives of people with drug problems too - have you checked them out? Yup, I did a quick google search, they are called Nar-Anon, check if anything is available locally, or join those online forums too?

But if you want to work on your shyness and developing friendships etc, this forum will be helpful too!

Take care & wishing you Good luck!!

Hello Butterflykdh, welcome to PC. Although I currently don't have a significant other to consider I do have family members with serious substance abuse issues so I do have some understanding of what you are going through. In particular, one of my nephews (who only recently just turned twenty) got involved in drugs approximately two years ago and, now, he has been ordered (by the courts) to have no contact with...well, with pretty much everyone (including his own mother and me) due his violent behavior and, sadly, he is also now homeless and living on the streets and has been for over a year. All of those who love and care for him have tried to help him but, unfortunately, he does NOT want help -- he "wants" to continue doing drugs and has chosen to stay on the streets, refusing any help that may be of benefit to him. He now continues on a downward spiral and all we (those of us who love and care for him) can do is wait until he hits rock bottom and WANTS to find his way back up. Of course, we cannot say if it will ever happen (he is very heavily involved) but we still remain hopeful and do what we can to help him, albeit from a distance. If there is any chance your husband would consider treatment please encourage him to do so. However, if he is unwilling, please at least consider a support group(s) for yourself as SmileHere suggested above because you still have to think about YOU and do what is best for yourself.

As for this forum itself, this is a great community for you to talk to and learn from others who may be dealing with much the same as you are so you are in a great place already. Stay strong and keep your chin up and big hugs to you!!

Welcome to PC! You feel find a lot of understanding and friendship on here. I am so sorry your husband is in the grip of this...it is such a huge problem. As another poster said, hopefully you live somewhere they have a support group for families.
Prayers and hugs to you.

It's a difficult sense of betrayal loving or having loved an alcoholic/ addict. Typically a wide range of emotions are experienced.
Whether you join a non type support group, attend therapy, or just read up on the effects, know you aren't alone.

I wouldn't worry about his withdrawal from you, as being a sense of shame, as though his self revelation was profound, perhaps not the bottom out necessary.

Important thing, is you, your sense of belonging in this universe, your needs, wants, desires.

What type of 'substance' are you talking about? If you are talking about alcohol your husband might benefit from going to some support groups in your local area but as the son of an abusive alcoholic Father I have to warn you some people never no matter how much you want them to.

I wish you good luck.