Projection and my fear of loss

So many of you are aware that I really like this guy. I've posted it here and have done a LOT of talking about it in chat. I just got off the phone with my best friend and we were talking about the whole relationship/crush thing.

What I've realized about myself, is that I'm the type of person who goes and gets what I want. And in this case, I'm not doing that, because I like and respect this guy enough to do what he needs to do for himself, because all I want is for him to be happy.

I need to remember that its not all up to me. And I'm trying to rid the fear of loosing him, before we even go down that road. That's the old me, the old fear talking, trying to sabotage something good that might happen, just so I don't get hurt. I hate this obsessing I've been doing, and won't do it anymore.

Granted, I can't stop the crush. I can't stop the way I feel when he's near. I can't stop the way I feel when we meet eyes, can't stop the way I feel when I know I'm going to see him.

But what I am doing, is letting it go and putting it out there in universe and waiting to see what happens. I've realized that I can't control other human beings, I can't even think that I know what the future holds. All I can do is know that whatever happens, will be best for me and for him as well.

So....I just wanted to post an update here. IF anything DOES happen, I'm sure you'll all be the first to know.....but I'm done trying to analyze, to project, to try and make it turn out the way I want it to. Because the fear of the unknown is gonna drive me mad!!!!!

F.E.A.R - False Expectations Appearing Real.

So.....let it be, like the Beatles said....and we shall see!!!!

Thanks,
~Rayna

P.S - If I'm obsessing again in chat, please redirect me to my own thread. Haha! Thanks.

Ray, it is very typical to think and over think about a crush. You are right though, if it is to be it will be.

i am pulling for you though,

lemmkins

Thanks lemm =)

Good for you Rayna! Breaking old habits is hard but you are obviously working hard to break them. I'm so proud of you!

Keep up the good work hon....time will tell on its own if this is meant to be or not. So ride the wave and enjoy it while you can *wink*



hugsssss
J

Well, I got my answer the second I let go. Turns out he was interested in my best friend.....who just got into a relationship. He asked me if he should give up all hope with her. So.....there ya go. I guess thats the way to do it? Make friends with the best friend of the girl you really want? I'll have to remember that.

((((( Rayna )))))

I'm so sorry love. *Sigh* I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better. Just know that I'm here for you if you need me hon.


J

I am so sorry that things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to. It must hurt that he wanted your friend.

But you know what, I feel very proud and happy for you, too. This string of posts shows so much growth and character. I hope you, too, will reread it and see how much bravery and maturity you claimed for yourself.

Ray,

Don't give up on yourself there is the right person for you out there . Sometimes it takes the right timing the right doors to open for that special person to enter your life .

Plus you are still working on changing your behaviors and that takes time and patience trust me I know ..

If you need a shoulder just to lean on I will assure you that I will be there ..

Tym

Thanks everyone. I was really suprised that I wasn't broken up over this last night when he said that in chat. But I quickly realized that not knowing was driving me batty. And I've been asking for guidence, asking for more to be revealed. So now I know and I can move on. Its actually somewhat of a relief, simply just knowing. Yes, I'm very much disappointed. This girl gets all the guys hahahaha. The guy she is seeing was a crush of another one of my friends. So there go two guys to her graces, but she's awesome, so I'm not suprised. I know that there must be someone else out there for me. And I do enjoy being single anyway. It still hurts though, he's an awesome man. But now I have an awesome new friend. =)

Thanks, i just had to jot down the fear thing.

Smilie

hi i thought id drop you a line or two, guys chase girls until they get cought men chase, women choose and if you want a great quote about the beatles try GBH one down three to go .i know the number isnt right anymore but if you took a real look at the beatles and saw the bent brains, destroyed families and a good at the current world that they major influnce on. if they couldnt sing they'ed just be a few more junkies looking for a house to break into ive been to liverpool they're not so cool, but hay we cant all be more famous then jesus christ so heres a better idea at least i think you grab life by he horns and turn it the way you want it to go find your happiness and chase your dreams until they come true. never give up but if the answer is no move on to the next adventure good luck