[Little Jay]

Hello my friends,

So me and my partner are struggling at the minute. He is out of work and struggling to find anything else, and I am left barely being able to cover the bills and having to use the overdraft every single month until payday just to get by. I know he is trying really hard to find work, but it's really bringing me down and I'm even starting to resent him a little bit. We've always been so happy, but he's always been in and out of work. He can't afford to get himself any qualifications, but has taken out a student loan to do open university part time which will take him 4 years! I can't live like this for 4 years!

I don't know what I can do to support him, and he feels like I am shouting at him all the time - I don't mean to and I only mean well when I try and talk to him about it. I can't deal with moving back in with his family, because my depression and anxiety was worse than ever because they just made me feel so uncomfortable.

I don't really know what i'm supposed to do.

J x

[hvert]

Is moving into your own space an option? Let him move back in with his parents on his own?

It sounds like you are structuring your life around his needs at the moment and that isn't really fair to you. It's also not fair that you aren't even allowed to talk about this issue or his unilateral decisions without him taking it personally.

[cherrykix]

I'm sorry this is happening, Jay! I agree with the comment above. If you can afford your own place, do it, and let him go back to his parents alone. They seem to be not good for you! Maybe some time living apart will help him get his ducks in order?

:Hugs:

[NYgirl21]

Hi Jay, this sounds like a difficult situation so I feel for you. Are you working too, or in school? My parents are in a situation like this but the difference is they have been married for 35 years and my Mom has never had a job so it is up to her to be my fathers strength and support system, and maybe look for work or something she enjoys to keep her "sane" but also show her support and willingness to help. He didn't lose his job due to lack of skill or motivation, unfortunatly it was economy. I'm not sure how long you guys have been together, how serious the relationship is, or how determined he is to finding a job? If you guys are engaged or married and he is truely putting forth all the effort he can to find a job, you need to support him, or like the other response said, you could go your seperate ways for a little bit so you both can re-center, focus and find yourselves. A good relationship consists of two individuals coming together, not dependent on each other. Don't base your life or happiness on him or anyone else, this is your life so you have to make a decision on what is going to make YOU happy- really think about it and follow through because if you don't put you first, you may make decisions you regret. You say you cant handle it because of your anxiety, but remember this isn't easy on him either, so maybe finding support or help for your anxiety on your own would be helpful too. I suffer from anxiety as well and I know that once I found the support I needed I felt 100% better because I was abble to become a healthier me, and in turn have healthier relationships because I wasn't taking out my anxiety or fear on the other person.

If you think this is the man you want to spend your life with them talk to him, don't shout, figure out a plan- are you working, is he trying hard enough, what help can you both get? Is moving seperately temporarliy while he finds work going to solve something? If you were to say he is being lazy, can't hold a job, and is showing no motivation I would say leave. But it sounds like he is at least trying? Men take it harder than we think when they are out of work or lose their jobs, or cand find a job, they want to take care of us, they want to earn for us, so it is a lot of pressure if he is actually trying. It's a tough world out there, so imagine he or you both got great jobs but something happeend in 15 years that he lost his job again, would that change how you felt about him?

If you are uncomfortable moving in with his parents, or this whole situation with how he is handling finding work/education, then it is totally okay for you to say this just isn't for me and to walk away, like I said- this is your life, and everyone is different and have different needs/wants/desires- follow your gut and your heart. Now if you are taking out your fear and anxiety on him, but you feel besides this that this man is meant for you, then maybe spend some time not worrying about him and his life, but about you and yours and I promise everything will fall into place. I hope that helped.

[~Christina]

If he can go to college part time and get student loans he can also work ... Maybe he wont get a job or pay that he wants but ..... Hey McDonalds is always hiring.. Sounds like any income he can bring in to home would be better than nothing. Make sure that your able to step back and look at the entire relationship and decide if its healthy or not for you.