[lenjan]

Completely out of the clear blue sky today, my officemate asked me if I was happy. I said no, but chalked it up to being homesick and, at the moment, wildly hormonal, which never helps my mood.

What I don't know is how to say "no, I'm not happy, and you're contributing to it." He's a zealous reformed fat person (has lost 85 lbs.) and is constantly harping on me about what I eat, my need to join him in exercising, etc. (You can check out my photos in the gallery to see why this bugs me.) It's only mildly better than living with my sister because I only have to see the guy 8 hours a day (which is still plenty).

I have taken to eating in my car so he won't harass me about it. I'm eating everything in sight anyway these days, but sneak-eating is always a sign of total out of control-ness. I'm obsessing about my hematologist appointment today partly because I'll have to get on the scale and I know I have gained probably 10-15 lbs. since I last saw him in December. I eat because I'm bored and lonely and sad and frankly, at this point, to spite people, but it's only making ME miserable.

I checked around and found a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, though I'm not sure I qualify as having one -- I think this is emotionally-based and that at most I need a quick hit of therapy for the low-level depression. I just feel bad enough about myself and my actions without having somebody bug me about it all the time. Periodically he asks if anything he does really bugs me, but I never have the courage to say so. Anybody got any ideas? We are the only two people in the office and I don't need to make myself any more uncomfortable than I already am.

Candy

[Bloo]

Gosh, can you work up the courage to say, "Please don't comment about my habits right now. I'm working through some stuff "? I know it's easier said than done but this guy is being a judgmental spoodyhead. At least this way you aren't accusing him of being part of the problem.

It sounds like a therapist who specializes in eating disorders is a good fit for you. There might be an underlying cause beyond That Guy and you need to get to the root.

[Perna]

The best way I know to get someone off one's back is to "agree" with them. They don't have anywhere to go if you do that :-)

"Yes, you're right, I shouldn't be eating this candybar right now, but I am and I aim to enjoy it too!" and then "laugh." What can they say? If you have a definate "opinion" and act a certain way but do it pleasantly without putting the other person down, they "give up."

Another thing I might try is to, if I like any of it, eat things around him that he would approve of? I love fruit and veggies so use to bring in veggie trays w/dip for the whole group at work. Think of things you like that he can't complain about and do more eating of them around him and he shouldn't have much to say then either?

I'd stop his boundary crossing though if he says anything about "your need" to do/eat/whatever something. He doesn't get to decide that and you have to let him know that although you appreciate his concern, you will not tolerate his telling you how to run your life, that is your concern. There's a difference between his encouraging you to come to the gym with you and his telling you what you need. You don't have to be unpleasant in any way, just look him in the eye and be
"firm" Maybe soften it by reminding him of the joke, "Don't tell me what kind of day to have!" :-)