[Unwanted Partner]

I’m trying so hard to deal with the reality of a sexless marriage & my wife’s obsession with erotic fan fiction. We planned to have some time around a bonfire last night, with the agreement that no phones or net devices would be there. After an hour or so the discussion became more serious, she went into the house & spend two hours online, doing what she does. How do you not take that personally?

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by Unwanted Partner

I’m trying so hard to deal with the reality of a sexless marriage & my wife’s obsession with erotic fan fiction. We planned to have some time around a bonfire last night, with the agreement that no phones or net devices would be there. After an hour or so the discussion became more serious, she went into the house & spend two hours online, doing what she does. How do you not take that personally?

I would take it very personally. I don't know your story, but I have been married for 22 years and we have had a lot of ups and downs including separating a few years back. I think marriage is like that for everyone and a lot of hard work. We worked it out together because we genuinely wanted to stay together and our relationship is better in every way now. Have you asked her to go see a therapist or counselor together?

[Unwanted Partner]

Yes, we tried that. I did all the talking. I don't think I'm willing to waste the time or money again, and doubt she'd show up.

[Werewoman]

Then I'm sorry to say that it might be in your best interest to move out. She seems completely uninterested in the two of you working it out and staying together.

[JadeAmethyst]

Take good care of yourself during this time. Use your time to create a life of your own creating...whatever this means for you personally.
I have no advice, just a reminder to put your needs and wants into practice each day.

wishing you well,
Jade

[Unwanted Partner]

Thank you both. Jade, you may have just created my mantra.

I love bonfires wish my husband enjoyed the outdoors .
U should unplug the internet and hide the modem and when she says hay why is the internet no working say I got rid of it , so we can spend time together ..
If she goes nuts over it and yells and threatens your life then tell her clearly you love the internet more then me !
See what she says .. Say I didn't get rid of it I was testing you and you failed !

or
Maybe you have a chance and she will say you did wow your putting us first !
Then you can say you passed !

Do you think she has an addiction? Or is she merely being disrespectful?

If she cannot recognize it for what it is, then she will not seek help for it.

Perhaps she needs the reality check of a separation....

[lilypup]

I got involved writing fanfiction a few years back. I was highly manic and it was an escape as well as an ego boost as my writing was very popular. I became addicted to the praise. Fortunately, it burned itself out. It really had nothing to do with my husband, I was hooked.

[Unwanted Partner]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Do you think she has an addiction? Or is she merely being disrespectful?

If she cannot recognize it for what it is, then she will not seek help for it.

Perhaps she needs the reality check of a separation....

I think it's an addiction. She's more guarded than ever. She's put off things like trying to find her SS card for a new job until the last minute and then coming completely unhinged. And she's been lying. Whenever I've mentioned it she's gotten severely defensive.

Then I would give her an ultimatum. Either you or her addiction.