[flewby]

I don't know if I've ever felt like I've loved anyone. I mean I care for everyone even cruel people. I don't want anyone to be hurt or sad but I never get that "I'm happy to be around this person" feeling. and it's really a problem because I am married and now his 12 year old daughter is living with us. and I just don't want to try. and I have to do so much. I think if I had that love for them it would motivate me but right now all I'm doing is out of obligation and I don't know how long I can keep it up.
is there a a trick to getting that feeling? any suggestions?

Hi flewby, I don't know if there is a trick for what you describe, which I can tell you are talking about real, true love. That feeling you get for only one person.

I have read something once which was meant as a dating guide for guys and in there the man describes how you can make a girl love you. I immediately thought "what a pile of rubbish" and tossed it aside.

I don't know if you can trick yourself into loving someone. I think you'll always know the truth. It's sad to hear you are stuck in a marriage with a man you don't seem to love really. It sounds to me like you still just haven't found that person.

But, I want to tell you too, you shouldn't have to do anything! If it feels like too much hard work, it's not love! I have felt real love before and it just comes naturally, you are just yourself and your other half is just his/herself - no work involved. Yes, sure, like a marriage takes work - the bills, the house, the children, but the core thing, the love, no, it shouldn't. If it does, it's not love.

I am really sad though. I feel guilty actually reading your post. I met someone that I love dearly, but I screwed it up and she never really loved me to be honest. I can tell you though, when you meet that person, you know immediately. It's something you can just feel, I don't know how to explain it. They "stand out" for you, head and shoulders above the rest. There's just something about them you love so much and it feels like you want to be with that person 24/7/365. For me, it felt like I would do anything for her, no matter what. I even asked myself, if I had the option of exchanging her for a hot girl movie star, would I do it? My answer was never in a million years.

So, I think it can happen in anyone's life. It will happen at different times for each person too. I never expected to feel love, but it kind of found me in a way. I never understood it though, I mean if I was never going to be with her, why was I given the chance to feel that love for her in the first place? Maybe it was just to show me that I was capable of it, despite all my flaws. I don't know.