[kirby777]

Hi-

I was talking on the phone with the guy I am dating.....HE started making fun of me & laughing AT me. This hurt me to my core. I do not feel a person whom says they "love you", which I do think is a lie, should laugh at you. If I did something goofy, or silly or whatever, it is fine, I laugh at myself...but to laugh at my characteristics, and me, I feel is cruel.

We have a long history, and in fact 90%, or more females would have never taken him back after the low life things he did to me in the past. He will never apologize, acts as if it is "bad" to ASK for an apology, is cheap with me (yet earns over $100k per year). But I have tried to put the past in the past.....

The new issues are strange, on his part...he feels he has an open license to be disrespectful towards me. My T feels I have no boundaries, and we are working on this. I have MDD. He mocks my mental illness. The stress is killing me.

But to laugh AT me, I felt was so cruel..it was mean spirited...and when I call him on his deplorable behavior, he states I am repetative. WTH??

Advice...I need support.

[Maria116]

I work with victims of domestic violence in the United States, and these women never walk into a relationship thinking they would get abused. It's always the good periods, the little red flags, then the big ones, a whole lot of loving his good side, forgiving and hoping he will change... while things get progressively worse.

Please be careful. Disrespect is the root of all abuse and a very dangerous sign.

[kirby777]

Maria-

I do feel he is emotionally & starting to be verbally abusive. Yesterday morning he "raged" at me on the phone & used the "f" word. I can not tolerate that behavior.

[Maria116]

Guys like these - if his sister came to him and told him she was in this kind of situation with some guy, he would get pissed off and tell her to leave him immediately and he would help her talk to him about it if needed.

Please, try to familiarize yourself with the tons of free materials about abuse and the warning signs. One of my clients got hit in the nose with a fist this year... after years of a "just" verbally abusive relationship.

[kirby777]

Thanks Maria-

I private messaged you...Also do you know of an online support group for DV?

[hvert]

Dumping him may be a good way to start practicing setting good boundaries. It is appropriate to expect that a boyfriend not treat you cruelly. If he does, it is also appropriate to tell him that you will not accept that kind of treatment from him.

[Maria116]

Originally Posted by kirby777

Thanks Maria-

do you know of an online support group for DV?

Yes! There is Fort Refuge Fort Refuge - Abuse Survivors Chat and Forums

I'm so sorry you are involved with such a man. I don't know what to tell you except that I understand how very bad it feels to have that done to you.

[~Christina]

Can you not just end the relationship ? From what you have said he doesn't seem to have any good qualities. Why stay and let him abuse you any longer?

[ChipperMonkey]

Kick this guy to the curb, NOW. I have PTSD and while it is a bit harder to find someone who is understanding, that doesn't mean I'm willing to settle for someone who treats my disorder like its some sort of joke! You don't need this guy in your life. He is a controlling arse and you can do better.

[Reznov115]

I agree with Chipper, he's obviously incapable of cherishing you and your relationship. From what you've said, you seem like you have a lot more to offer in a relationship, there's someone else out there who will appreciate and respect you far more than this dude.

[Rose76]

Who people are in the present is a product of who they have been in the past. He behaved in a low way in the past. Now he's letting you know he does not plan to change. You are not going to argue him into being what you want him to be. This is who he is. Time to walk away from this relationship. He's not grateful that you took him back.

Threaten to leave him and he will make a bunch of insincere promises. Then he'll break them . . . like he's done before. The sooner you let go, this sooner you can heal from the loss.

[kirby777]

"Now he's letting you know he does not plan to change. You are not going to argue him into being what you want him to be"

This is GENIUS!! It is a line that struck me...I am arguing...and it will not change him...At 51, his personality is formed....

I know I am better than this and deserve better. Mocking my Date rape, my neuro disorder, my depression, telling me "I cannot help it if you are insecure about Female T"....I have Body DYsmorphia...and I truly like a lot of the qualities I have...i am not insecure of his female friend(but stating this to me does not help my depression).....And to LAUGH AT me...shows his lack of integrity and I happen to value integrity..

I appreciate everyone's input.

[Rose76]

The decision to "cut your losses" is a very hard one to make . . . in relationships, as well as in financial dealings. This is especially true when there has been "a long history." We want so badly to recoup our investment. We've put in so much time and effort that it seems wrong to have to walk away. "I can't just leave, when I've put so much into trying to build something." So we hang in there just to lose a bigger hunk of our life on a losing proposition.

And there is no guarantee that, if we leave, life will give us something better . . . something more like what we want. The truth is that people who get into futile relationships tend to keep gravitating toward the same kind of partners. We know that about ourselves subconsciously, so we say, "What's the use! I'll just stay where I am and keep working on things. Might as well stick with the "devil I know."

To really change our unhappiness, we have to be willing to risk being truly alone. That can be awfully hard to face. It's human nature to want to be "with someone."