[Toby72]

Boy where to start. A little over two yrs ago i met woman i believe is my soul mate and true love. She also feels this way. When i look at her it feels like the world around us ceases to exist and all that matters is being with her. For the past few months we've been arguing almost every day about nothing. she had always talked about us getting married but i never talked to her about it till about 3 months ago. Then it turned into picking out baby names and even trying on engagement rings. A few weeks ago she told me we were over. She said she couldn't take the fighting anymore even though she still tells me she loves me. Then the following week we met for lunch and she tells me she'staken a job about 3 hrs away and she'll be moving there. We love each other very much. But we know this would mean the end of any hope.

Now the kicker!!
I'm 40 and married (no kids). She's 23. I know. I know. But it's just how things happened. Now part of the break up is because and she always has said that she could never be the reason i get a divorce. She's always been serious about that. she's also very close with hey family and says that her family would never accept our situation. And that really bothers her. She still tells me she loves me and that nothing has changed as far as us not being together. If we go a few days she doesn't hear from me she calls and says she misses me and just wanted to hear my voice. I don't understand how could she say she loves me, that we are soulmates and that this true love then turn around and shut me out when i told her that i wanted to be with only her. That i was giving in to everything she's been telling me she wants of us. I know we love each other very much and we are both very sad about this but she's adamant about not being together. This is her decision not mine.

Oh wow you sure got yourself in a jam ..
Why are you married if your in love with this woman would be my first question ?
You said you have been with her over 2 years ?
So why have you not done anything ?
Dose your wife know your in love with a much younger woman ?

I see the problem ..
you need to decide it's your wife or your g/f ?
I don't blame the girl for not wanting to be with you as you have been with the g/f for 2 years and your still married so why should she trust you ?

You are all talk and not action

[ChipperMonkey]

No, actually it is your decision. You decided to stay married for the ENTIRE 2 year relationship with this other woman. She gave you ample opportunity to get out of your marriage. She now sees the writing on the wall, that you are like 99% of married men with mistresses, saying they will leave their wives but have no intention of doing so. You decided to stay in your marriage. Her decision is a REaction to your actions, but you choose to blame her and say that its all her fault. I can't help but feel that you're portraying yourself as the victim in all of this when you've had a very active role in the construction of this scenario.

[Toby72]

@nature1968, @chippermonkey thank you both for your response. I am in a jam. The reason i nevet took action was because she has been away at school. She graduated then took a summer job in cape cod. Then she came home (i thought for good at the end of august) and that's what i had been waiting for. She knew i loved her and she knew i wanted to be with only her. 4 weeks ago i told her i wanted to marry her. We even went and tried on engagement rings and discussed baby names. Its like a bride who got cold feet at the altar. But anyways het summer job in cape cod (3 hrs away from me)has just become afull time job. My wife knows I'm seeing someone but she rather not confront me about it. I told my wife that i want in love with her and that maybe we should get a divorce but she said she's not giving up on me. I don't want to hurt my wife but i know what my heart wants and i know she wants this too. But there's just to many factors that I've mentioned before that she keeps telling me about. I KNOW I'M SCREWED BEYOND ALL HOPE. I know people will judge the age difference but we don't choose who we fall in love with.

The thing is your not screwed . If you take the right steps ..
The g/f loves you and she will be with you but your not making it easy for her by being married you don't seem to get it . I don't understand why you are looking for baby clothes and engagement ring , baby names when your married your not thinking like a 40 year old your acting like a 20 year old .

I'm glad your wife at least knows but you need to be a man and say I love the other woman and I need to let you go , so you can find someone who can love you back .

Stop saying what you want to do and just do it . I know your scared to take that leep but if you don't love your wife then why are you with her ?
And why do you want to jump into another marriage ?
What is the rush ?
I think your lonely and desperate and don't know what you want your having a mid life crisis
personally you need to seek help and let both woman go .

[~Christina]

How about you be alone for a while?

That way you don't hurt your wife or mistress anymore?. Take time to figure out what you want, seeing a Therapist would be a great thing for you to look into.