[Yismymindblank12]

I finally snapped. I am still shaking inside and all over knowing. I'm ok, I conquered something that's been bothering me a lot. My friend from saudi arabia made me feel like what a lot of my friends make me feel worthless. I feel like to them as a guy I have to prove I'm not sad. I hate my weight I posted something about it and he comments, "grow up." I block him, and I get angry my mom and dad yell at me for being upset. I have a belt around my neck just to show how vulnerable I truly am to this world, how vulnerable everyone is when they are hard on me and I'm a dog. That's just how I feel.

[ChipperMonkey]

I think you need professional help....

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

I finally snapped. I am still shaking inside and all over knowing. I'm ok, I conquered something that's been bothering me a lot. My friend from saudi arabia made me feel like what a lot of my friends make me feel worthless. I feel like to them as a guy I have to prove I'm not sad. I hate my weight I posted something about it and he comments, "grow up." I block him, and I get angry my mom and dad yell at me for being upset. I have a belt around my neck just to show how vulnerable I truly am to this world, how vulnerable everyone is when they are hard on me and I'm a dog. That's just how I feel.

I think it was brave of you to block him, and any friends who make you feel worthless then perhaps you would be better off without them in your life anymore. I don't understand your parent's anger over your anger, but I don't know enough about the situation to comment intelligently. I hope you have removed the belt around your neck because no matter how vulnerable you feel, you are nobody's dog and you have value. You can find your place in the world and be productive, but first you have to remove all the toxic people from your life. It's not easy, but it removes a huge weight from your shoulders so you can focus on yourself and solving your problems. A therapist can help you with this if you don't already have one.

Blessings to you and I hope your pain is removed so that you can begin to heal.

WW

Y, I don't think that facebook is a good thing for you...Put it into perspective. See how it's made you upset? Is it worth it?

[Yismymindblank12]

I am seeing my therapist this thursday again at 4. I only have fb, because I don't have much social interaction in public like I used to. It's weird where no matter where you go you end up with toxic people. Like I go to a bar and people are cool and lots of weird people who end up being my friends, but be really critical or ignorant or mean. I go to the other extreme a church and the same thing. It's really not where I go, it's who I meet and fb is kinda the only avenue right now I have to meeting new people and talking to them other than getting their phone number in person. I don't online date, but I talk to them in person be around them and they add me on fb.

I got tired of my friend, because he called me his little brother. It's like some of my friends really don't want me their and sucker me in to have me their. He does care, but he doesn't care about certain things with me because of his culture and life of islamic family and being from the middle east. I love the boy to death, but I hate him when he does this. I got done and tired of it.

He didn't accept my transgender thing, I finally opened up excited that I was supposed to be a girl and I'm not going crazy so it's still in me. I mean I literally have female bones. Comparing it to my female friends, I get a long with girls better. I'm come off as some people think I'm high or gay. Which I am bicurious, but I'm not neither consider myself all straight or all gay in perspective. I don't take offensive to the comments it's the ignorance people have.

I get annoyed and pissed off with stupidity and he shows it to me a lot.

I say like I'm a dog and I act like I'm a submissive female in my mind who is sexy, but being in an toxic relationship. I don't tell anyone this stuff, because it's so confusing to explain I've always thought of myself like that since ever. Especially when I'm liking someone or I'm with someone I date or have sex with them I truly show my emotions without fear. I'm like the guy equivalent what females do to guys. I just wish there was people and especially girls who don't push me to the side and assume I'm going to be a push over. When I'm not, I only really am if I'm super close with someone, because the fine line of self respect how someone else treats me is very very grey when I'm there it happens in every relationship.

When a community of a whole town wanted me dead from the rumours and the things my neighbors trying to ruin my life. I still remember every day how parents told me to kill myself parents with their kids. It was a very large growing rural town and people were cruel. It's like, after all that happened to me. I was treated like a dog, so I am so used to it, like my previous therapists tell me. It like is my normal embodiment of living as a standard.

It's like a bigger version of an abusive relationship exactly. I'm still recovering, this girl was so nice to me after that.

I think she wants a guy to love her back. I mean I can, I just want to take my time. I wish this is legit, she's gorgeous she has two kids, but I don't mind that. I was supposed to have a 2 year old now angel. My daughter melody me and my ex mutually named her. I know when no matter how much **** she says about me, she and I can't deny she'd be perfect. The only time I felt I was in love with my ex, was when our child was supposed to be born in 21st of december in 2012, but it didn't happen. I know what it's like to appreciate things like that. It really was changing my life. I do like this girl, because she might help me on that she has two children and I don't mind being there for her.

I don't want to move in fast. I don't know what to do. I don't want to come off clingy. I stopped texting her just to catch my breathe. It's like, I go in this phase all the time I really like someone even after my mental honey moon phase I still like them. I'm one of those rare catches I find the good in everyone no matter how horrible they are. My mother, grandmother who died and the one who is still alive, my sister, and my non biological older sisters who are my dad's best friends daughters I grew up with. I found much more beauty in the world from these amazing women. I just wish this is what I hope it is. I like to feel what women feel, I never felt like a guy. I know it's weird, but it's scary being both like macho guy exterior and comfortably showing my sensitive side. I know girls like that, I'm just scared of getting hurt. So I've been pushing everyone away for my safety emotionally it's not working out so well.

We are emotional creatures. It's not easy. I have always said that men think in a linear fashion. We don't. In fact, the inside of my head probably looks like a pot of spaghetti.

It's important, I think, that you do recognize that you have to step back occasionally and see things from another perspective. Just wait a couple of days before you react and a lot of stuff will filter out for you.

Good luck with the therapist.

[Werewoman]

I agree with sophiesmom. I'm relieved that you are seeing your therapist on Thursday. Keep us posted on how you're doing,