My Mother and My Condition

Hey guys! I haven't posted here before, instead preferring to post in the specific sections for illnesses, but this time, I need help with my mother. I'm 17 years old, turning 18 on the 22nd of August next year. I have a lot of trouble with my mother, who refuses to acknowledge that I'm not okay. I've been hospitalized three times, twice for suicide attempts and one for a threat, and all three times, the doctors diagnosed bipolar. No matter what, my mother refuses to consent to medication, aside from the first time. The second time, she refused Lamictal and the third, Seroquel. I don't know what to do. She drives me absolutely insane, and I don't have Xanax or Klonopin to help stop me from going crazy. She just refuses to listen to anything I have to say. She just repeats herself and then calls me a "lazy, spoiled bastard." Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to understand that I need help? I'm so close to breaking, and I honestly don't know what to do next. Thanks guys!

Let me look up parental consent to meds in FL.

"(c) If a parent or legal custodian of the child is available but refuses to consent to the necessary treatment, including immunization, a court order shall be required unless the situation meets the definition of an emergency in s. 743.064 or the treatment needed is related to suspected abuse, abandonment, or neglect of the child by a parent, caregiver, or legal custodian. In such case, the department shall have the authority to consent to necessary medical treatment. This authority is limited to the time reasonably necessary to obtain court authorization."

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/.../0039.407.html

So basically there is a way out, but it does not involve making your mom understand that you are in danger. No words can make her understand since she did not understand even after three emergency hospitalizations. So you should stop attempting to make her understand because those attempts would be futile.

A more important question is why the inpatient drs did not file a motion to court to override your mom's failure to give consent since you were in danger and they should have done so.

Your mom is neglecting you and in theory, you could call the child protective services and have then intervene and they would know, I am sure, about the procedure of obtaining a court order overriding her refusal to give consent. If you want to go that route, call them now - they work 24/7. If you do not want to go that route but want to petition the court on your own, then we will need to do some additional research.

I'm so sorry - that sounds like a really difficult situation to deal with, on top of everything else. I would try to get as many adults as possible talking to her to convince her to change her mind. What if you introduced her to some people for whom medication worked? Do you have any support groups in your area for bipolar or a group for parents?

Given the kind of language she uses to talk to you, it sounds like it may be an uphill battle to get her to agree to this.

Hmm, here is another possibility - I have no idea if it would work for you or not. If there is a clinic that offers health care for the homeless or poor, you might be able to go in without your mother. The local hospital may have an option like that as well, that lets you pay out of pocket without your mother accompanying you.

Hamster- I appreciate all the work you did to find that answer. Thank you. And the last time I was hospitalized (last week), I told the doctor that she wouldn't consent, and asked if we could have the court order it. He said no, and that there was nothing he could do. He'd just have to discharge me, since staying would be useless. And I would call CPS, but I don't want to get my mother in trouble (despite the fact that she's a major asshole to me), and I don't want to end up in a group home. I've heard stories. Although I've had multiple people suggest calling them to get treatment. And hvert- I don't know of any groups that exist here for support, and I don't have the finances to pay out-of-pocket for anything. I have $21 in my pocket, and I'm about to have $51 soon, but that's it. I don't have a steady source of income, or else I'd emancipate myself in a heartbeat tbh. But even if I went on Abilify like the doctor had suggested, I'd have extreme trouble paying for the cost of it per month. :/

Abilify is extremely pricey, that is for sure.

And group home is not a fancy hotel, either.

There is a solution - it is just not an easy solution. It is not easy for anyone and especially not for you given your situation.

Basically, you can tell your mother that you need her consent or you will call the CPS. That you do not want to get her in trouble and it is not your desire to call the CPS but you have to advocate for you needs. Hopefully this will be sobering for her... a wake-up call.

Note that this is NOT blackmailing, but drawing the line. Still, very hard to do. Ideally, if there is an adult who would do it for you that would be best. Somebody whom she respects enough - is there anyone around for that? Aunt, uncle, neighbor, etc.?

Call a clinic tomorrow. Schedule an intake, therapist and pdoc appointment for your 18th birthday. It takes at least 2 +months to get into a psychiatrist. If they ask you why such a long ways away tell them they may have a suggestion. You could also get your school involved by telling the guidence counselor and they'll help you get treatment.

Hamster: DCF has been at the door before, because I had Xanax in my system. They didn't take kindly to my mother, but even if I threaten to call them, she just eggs me on. She threatened to call the police on me multiple times, and last week, the cops were called for me holding a knife to my stomach. I don't think idle threats will work on her tbh.
Miguel's Mom: I'm not sure if I can last that long. I've been hospitalized twice in two months, and I feel like my mood is out of control. I just want something that will slow me down. It's like my mind won't stop with anxiety and anger :/

What if you went to a clinic and said you were homeless? Would they give you medication then? I know it works for birth control, but I have no idea about other meds. There are also places here that will help you even if you don't give out your name, which may not be typical in other places.

Do you know why your mother is refusing consent?

I don't think that would work, only because I think birth control can be given without consent, but other medications have to have consent if you're a minor. And she's refusing consent because of two reasons. 1) She doesn't believe in them (not for a religious reason. Just doesn't think they're useful)and 2) She says that I've tried so many medications that it's basically useless to try more. I've been on Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Vistaril, Zyprexa, Trileptal, Neurontin, and I currently take Norvasc for hypertension, which my therapist said might help with the bipolar, but I'm not sure.

I see. So - you listed two reasons for not calling the CPS:

1) you do not want to get her in trouble
2) you are afraid of ending up in a group home.

So she threatens you with the police a lot. I think this, on top of everything else, excuses you and you do not need to care about (1).

(2) is a serious issue, but if the court overrides her and allows you to be on medication, does it necessarily mean that you would be sent to a group home? If you explain that you are not in physical danger at home and the only intervention you need is overriding her refusal to consent, would you still be sent to a group home. Do you know the answer to this?

I'm actually in the middle of filling out an online DCF report, because I can't take it anymore. I'm attempting to fill it with as much information as I can so that DCF can get a clear picture. And I believe that if the court orders medication, she has two choices: 1) Follow through with the order and have me prescribed medications OR 2) Not listen and face civil or criminal charges for failing to heed a judicial order. I believe those are her only two options.

The reality is you have needed to go in patient to stay safe. The fact that age of 17 you have high blood pressure should be a wake up call for your Mom and if not it needs to be a huge issue for you..

I know your not thrilled about a group home, But how could it be worse ? At least you would receive treatment that would help you.

There is a good chance that reporting is going to result you needing to leave the home, at that point you would have a social worker that is going to get the services you need ... I would report it all and get help now , before its to late.

Advocate for yourself.

Stay safe

Great. I think she would be reasonable enough not to risk being in contempt of court. But also, maybe they will just themselves allow the dr's to prescribe without her consent - then she won't have the option of now following the court order. When you took medications in the past, who administered them to you? At home, that is - did you take them yourselves?

Christina: I just filled out the DCF report, so I'm hoping that they will come within 3 days. If not, I'm not sure what to do.
Hamster- Originally, she gave her consent for medications, and I put them in a cabinet and a pill box, and took them every morning/night, so myself I guess.

I am so sorry - your situation makes me really sad. I hope this all works out to your benefit. You sound like you are wise beyond your years.