[Shadix]

I usually pass up all opportunities to talk to girls I like in order to avoid coming off as awkward or creepy. The problem is, I feel like in most situations it IS awkward to just start talking to a girl. Guys are usually expected to only talk to a girl when they have some legitimate reason to be doing so, and it is considered weird if a guy just goes and starts talking to a girl because he thinks she's cute. Lots of guys seem to be able to come up with some clever excuse and talk to girls they like without seeming awkward, but I can just never seem to do this. The only things I have been able to come up with in the past have been really lame, like I would ask them something pointless or stupid and make a fool out of myself. And of course, it usually just ends at that. So in most situations, I just keep my mouth shut.

Does anyone have any experience or insight into this kind of problem? I am getting really frustrated and really desperate. I just had another missed and possibly ruined opportunity at the gym all because of this confusion and social awkwardness that I'm suffering from.

[eskielover]

Insight......get into therapy where they can help you work on your skills that are lacking so that you will be able to deal with your confusion & social awkwardness.

Honestly if you can't even ask someone out you would NEVER be able to have a REAL relationship with then anyway...so you need some serious help with your personal development so that you get yourself together now & don't waste the rest of your life whining about it.

[hvert]

How do you feel about approaching men you don't know to strike up conversations? I would try to get comfortable with starting conversations with people I didn't want to date.

At a certain point, you will have to accept that some of the people you approach *will* think you are creepy, and there's nothing you can do about that. It's not personal, it's just the way it works.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Insight......get into therapy where they can help you work on your skills that are lacking so that you will be able to deal with your confusion & social awkwardness.

Honestly if you can't even ask someone out you would NEVER be able to have a REAL relationship with then anyway...so you need some serious help with your personal development so that you get yourself together now & don't waste the rest of your life whining about it.

It's been suggested so many times by so many people.. I wish he started listening

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[Shadix]

Originally Posted by hvert

How do you feel about approaching men you don't know to strike up conversations? I would try to get comfortable with starting conversations with people I didn't want to date.

Well, thing is, I would only strike up conversations with guys in situations where it would be the social convention, like for example the person sitting next to me in training class. In situations like these, even striking up a conversation with a girl is easier. But what I am talking about is situations where it would be atypical for me to start a conversation with the person unless I had a legitimate reason to. An example of this would be a person on my team at the work cafeteria. In these situations I would not strike up a conversation with a guy unless I had a legitimate reason to. But if it's a girl that I think is cute, I want to talk to her despite not having a legitimate reason. But when I try to make up some reason, I usually end up coming off as weird or dumb. For example I would ask a completely obvious question.

Make sense?

[Shadix]

I will share the story of what happened at the gym last night.

There is this girl I see often there who appears to be from my ethnic group, and I had noticed her looking in my direction a few times and realized I think she's pretty cute. So I was in this all purpose room by myself doing my workouts, when that girl came in with another girl. As they were doing their workouts, I overheard the girl telling the other girl stuff about her culture, which I am from as well. That was one of those situations where I get very confused as to whether I should butt into the conversation. One one hand, we are from the same culture and she is talking about, at this point it would be unfriendly to not say anything right? But on the same token, isn't it also kind of weird sometimes for a random guy to butt into a girl's conversation? But anyways, at some point the girl asked me if it would be ok with me if they put on some music, and I said it's fine. But also in their conversation it appeared to me that the girl I had my eye on was training the other one, so for some reason I thought maybe she works there. So I asked her if she works there. She looked at me awkwardly and replied "No..." That's when the OTHER girl says "I do..I work at the front desk." Then I looked at her and realized she was the girl that I always see at the front desk and who is always really nice to me for some reason. Basically I didn't recognize her. I probably looked so dumb. But anyways the whole question about whether she works there was meant as an excuse to talk to her, and I pretended that I intended to ask her about whether they moved from equipment. But I followed it up with asking the girl if she was from my ethnic group. Turns out she isn't, but is from a somewhat similar group. And basically the conversation ended there.

Hope that gives a little better insight into how I operate and how I mess up.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Insight......get into therapy where they can help you work on your skills that are lacking so that you will be able to deal with your confusion & social awkwardness.

I've been in therapy for a long time now, switched different therapists multiple times, and it hasn't helped at all. I've gotten so desperate that I've resorted to youtube hypnosis videos.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Shadix

I've been in therapy for a long time now, switched different therapists multiple times, and it hasn't helped at all. I've gotten so desperate that I've resorted to youtube hypnosis videos.

If you do with therapy the way you do with your posts, it's no wonder that therapy doesn't work for you.....you get something in your mind that has nothing to do with reality & you won't even listen to what people are saying to you because it counters what you have cast in concrete in your own mind. I lived with a father like that & honestly, I couldn't wait to get out of the house.

[Orvel]

Originally Posted by Shadix

I've been in therapy for a long time now, switched different therapists multiple times, and it hasn't helped at all. I've gotten so desperate that I've resorted to youtube hypnosis videos.

A psychotherapist can only help you when you want to be helped. You need to make an effort, your T will only guide you.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by eskielover

If you do with therapy the way you do with your posts, it's no wonder that therapy doesn't work for you.....you get something in your mind that has nothing to do with reality & you won't even listen to what people are saying to you because it counters what you have cast in concrete in your own mind. I lived with a father like that & honestly, I couldn't wait to get out of the house.

I do listen to what people say. Very closely. And that is why I feel like dating much younger girls is not very accepted in society. I am very surprised that everyone on here is telling me there is nothing wrong with it, because normally, people would be saying the opposite.

[Shadix]

Saw that girl again tonight at the gym. She did not even acknowledge me :-(

[~Christina]

Okay if your so freaking concerned about what "anyone" might think about your dating a 20 something girl , then go date a 30 year old.

Here's a bit of common sense to consider.. People are way too wrapped up in there own life to be worried about you dating some over 18 year old girl. Trust me, People do not give a damn.

My daughter is 23 shes dated a man younger than her and a guy 9 years older.. Not a single person gave a Hoot !

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Okay if your so freaking concerned about what "anyone" might think about your dating a 20 something girl , then go date a 30 year old.

Again, it's not about me being concerned with what any individual person thinks, it's about society as a whole seeing things this way and socializing my would-be dating partners to believe that there is something wrong with someone my age wanting to date them. If society was on my side and I could count on most girls seeing it as perfectly acceptable, I wouldn't give two shits what any individual person thinks. In fact, I would enjoy defying the wishes of intolerant people.

I certainly wouldn't rule out dating someone older than me, but in my experience, it seems like most women my age and older are looking to settle down and get married, which is not what I am looking for right now. Also, not to mention the fact that there are just way more single, available 18-22 year olds than there are women around 30.

[Shadix]

Anyways, the main issue I am having with the girl at the gym now is that I am afraid of coming across as a stalker or something like that. We do seem to usually be there at the same time. I know that it is something normal, but I still feel like if I act awkward while showing interest in her, it could come off stalkerish. Girls these days are just really sensitive about this kind of thing. I actually thought I caught HER looking at ME first, but still can't be sure.

[~Christina]

" Society" does not care. You have no idea what the girl will think.

Take a risk , talk to her , ask her out for Coffee, You have nothing to lose.

[A Red Panda]

You are trying to read the minds of the entire population. Do you notice how everyone here has said that it doesn't matter? Once someone is out of highschool it doesn't make a difference. If you want to have a better judge of when people MIGHT start to look at it weird.... judge it by appearance. If you look like you could be someone's Father or Grandfather then it is perhaps too big of a difference.

People on this forum come from many different areas around the world, and are from many different walks of life, and many different generations. It is a good representation of this society that you claim to understand completely - and yet no one here cares.

The only people it matters to are you, and the people you date. And you cannot ever know if someone has an issue with the age difference unless you get to know them and ask them out. Plain and simple.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

I do listen to what people say. Very closely. And that is why I feel like dating much younger girls is not very accepted in society. I am very surprised that everyone on here is telling me there is nothing wrong with it, because normally, people would be saying the opposite.

No they are not. It is your perception. Now if you told us you actually date younger girl and people make comments then maybe it would be a different conversation. But you aren't dating so you don't know what people are saying as there is nothing for them to say

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Saw that girl again tonight at the gym. She did not even acknowledge me :-(

There are plenty of men who do not acknowledge me. It doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of men I don't acknowledge because I either don't know them or am not interested. It just a reality of life

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Okay if your so freaking concerned about what "anyone" might think about your dating a 20 something girl , then go date a 30 year old.

Here's a bit of common sense to consider.. People are way too wrapped up in there own life to be worried about you dating some over 18 year old girl. Trust me, People do not give a damn.

My daughter is 23 shes dated a man younger than her and a guy 9 years older.. Not a single person gave a Hoot !

Yup no one cares

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Again, it's not about me being concerned with what any individual person thinks, it's about society as a whole seeing things this way and socializing my would-be dating partners to believe that there is something wrong with someone my age wanting to date them. If society was on my side and I could count on most girls seeing it as perfectly acceptable, I wouldn't give two shits what any individual person thinks. In fact, I would enjoy defying the wishes of intolerant people.

I certainly wouldn't rule out dating someone older than me, but in my experience, it seems like most women my age and older are looking to settle down and get married, which is not what I am looking for right now. Also, not to mention the fact that there are just way more single, available 18-22 year olds than there are women around 30.

Society as a whole do not give a ****about who you are dating and what you are doing in your daily life. It is in your head

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[Trippin2.0]

Why are people repeating themselves on these threads, over and over and over?


Shadix CLEARLY believes this entire imaginary society in his head above the actual living, breathing society responding directly to him, regarding these hypothetical young girls who's thoughts he's able to read.


Remember the definition of insanity

I'm not seeing different results people :roflmao:

[eskielover]

My Father & my H got ideas stuck in their head's & they wouldn't let them go no matter how much logic & facts were put in front of them.

Honestly, those kind of people I want nothing to do with....it has nothing to do with age & everything to with personality & lack or rational thought process.

Those are the things you need to fix if you ever want to have any kind of relationship with anyone. Those are more the kinds of things that turn off people in society & that has NOTHING to do with age.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Why are people repeating themselves on these threads, over and over and over?


Shadix CLEARLY believes this entire imaginary society in his head above the actual living, breathing society responding directly to him, regarding these hypothetical young girls who's thoughts he's able to read.


Remember the definition of insanity

I'm not seeing different results people :roflmao:

Yes, this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thanks

[hvert]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Well, thing is, I would only strike up conversations with guys in situations where it would be the social convention, like for example the person sitting next to me in training class. In situations like these, even striking up a conversation with a girl is easier. But what I am talking about is situations where it would be atypical for me to start a conversation with the person unless I had a legitimate reason to. An example of this would be a person on my team at the work cafeteria. In these situations I would not strike up a conversation with a guy unless I had a legitimate reason to. But if it's a girl that I think is cute, I want to talk to her despite not having a legitimate reason. But when I try to make up some reason, I usually end up coming off as weird or dumb. For example I would ask a completely obvious question.

Make sense?

Your legitimate reason is that you want to date them. It's just as legitimate as talking to someone sitting next to you at a conference.

It's really one of those things that you just need to keep doing until you get good at it. It will be hard, you will mess up, but you will learn more from your mistakes than from any advice you read.

You mentioned that you opened up the conversation with that girl in the gym by asking if she worked there. I think it would have been better to have gone straight for the 'hey, I overheard you - I'm <<ethnicity>>, are you also?' It's kind of a lame opening because it's a yes or no question, but at least you have a follow up, whatever her answer. Maybe you could ask a question about her culture.

I would really just not take rejection or failed attempts personally. I have only recently realized that many men have no idea what it is like to walk around as a young female. Young women are constantly barraged with men propositioning them, directly or indirectly. It feels like it will never stop and women develop a sort of instinctive response to deflect any and all advances.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Shadix CLEARLY believes this entire imaginary society in his head above the actual living, breathing society responding directly to him, regarding these hypothetical young girls who's thoughts he's able to read.

But that's the thing, most of the living, breathing people I've encountered do not agree with what people are saying on here.

If most people see it as acceptable and normal for a guy my age to date an 18-21 year old, then that's news to me.